
Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/6339070.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Graphic_Depictions_Of_Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Queer_as_Folk_(US)
  Relationship:
      Brian_Kinney/Justin_Taylor_(Queer_as_Folk)
  Additional Tags:
      post-bashing, Mental_Instability, Hurt/Comfort, Dillusions, Murder,
      Action/Adventure, Movie_Adaptation, Out_of_Character_(Brian_and_Justin),
      Canon_Divergent, Angst, Drama, the_works, Basically_my_contribution_to
      all_the_other_bashing_based_fics_out_there., With_hopefully_some_unique
      plot.
  Stats:
      Published: 2016-03-26 Completed: 2016-08-02 Chapters: 21/21 Words: 68818
****** Rear Window ******
by WhiteSnowFox
Summary
     After Chris Hobbs attacked him, Justin locked himself away in Brian's
     loft. He's so afraid that someone will finish what Hobbs began that
     he's unwilling to let anyone in to see him and constantly paranoid
     that death is waiting for him around every corner. While Brian is
     desperate to make him better, he encourages Justin to pick up a
     hobby. Little do they know is that Justin's new hobby could mean life
     or death for both of them.
Notes
     Alright, here we go! Another story! This one is based off of Alfred
     Hitchcock's 'Rear Window' but will mostly focus on Justin's path of
     recovery from the bashing. Hopefully you all enjoy it! And of course,
     I don't own anything having to do with these characters.
     Unfortunately.
***** Chapter 1 *****
“It’s disgusting! It’s immoral!”
The smack didn’t hurt. Not really.
“You’re going to burn in hell! I won’t allow your perverted ways to taint the
spirit in this house!”
The punch hurt a bit more. But his father was stronger than his mother. He knew
it would.
He still took it standing though. He was who he was. Nothing they said was
going to change that.
“I’ll beat it out of you if I have to. By the time I’m done with you, you won’t
ever want to look at a man much less touch one.”
After that, all he knew was pain.
===============================================================================
Brian hovered at the base of the stairs, unable to work up the strength to walk
up them to his loft. His shoulders were slumped, his suit jacket slung over his
arm, and his tie loosened around his neck.  He looked at the steps with a
haggard expression, his face drawn and exhausted.  He sighed heavily as he
leaned against the wall.
He’d had a terrible day at work; not only did he fail at getting a prospective
client, but he also managed to lose one – a first since he started at Ryder’s
agency. He’d been reamed out by Ryder and barely finished out the day without
deciding to just step out into traffic.  It would have been so easy and solved
all of his problems too. But there were people relying on him and one of them
was waiting for him at his loft; which, ironically enough, was why he didn’t
want to go upstairs.
He didn’t know what would be waiting for him and he honestly couldn’t deal with
one more thing going wrong today. He didn’t want Justin to be the one to take
the brunt of his disappointment when he hadn’t done anything wrong.  But if he
had to walk into the loft one more time while Justin was in the middle of a
breakdown he didn’t think he’d be able to handle it.
Justin had been staying with him for the past two weeks, since his mother
became unable to help him through his multiple mental conditions. Brian had
been briefed on it all by one of the nurses while Justin was still in the
hospital. 
Chronic agoraphobia. Post-traumatic stress disorder.  Acute paranoia.  Severe
depression. Not to mention all of the problems with his hand. 
Brian thought that they had diagnosed Justin with so many disorders that he
should be in a mental institution, not with him. And for some reason all of
Justin’s doctors, even his own mother, seemed to think he was the only one able
to help him.  Brian thought they were all out of their minds, but it was his
fault Justin was like this in the first place, so it was his responsibility to
try and fix it.
He carefully braved the first step and it became easier to take another and
another. As he ascended the staircase he debated on whether or not he should
try to urge Justin out of the loft again.  He had no inclination to leave for
the night, but he also knew that Justin hadn’t been outside in weeks.  In the
end, he supposed it depended on what exactly he walked in on.  It would be
pointless asking if Justin was in mid-meltdown.
He finally made it to the top of the stairs and lingered outside the door,
listening. Typically when Justin was having an episode he was able to hear it
from the bottom floor.  However, there had been times when he’d been surprised
with a flying plate that crashed right next to him as he walked in.  He didn’t
want to relive that.  He listened carefully and then unlocked the door and slid
inside. He still heard nothing so he let relief fill him and breathed
calmly. ‘Thank god.’ He thought, amazed at how much better he felt just knowing
he wouldn’t have to deal with one of Justin’s episodes.
He shut and locked the door, re-set the alarm, and then turned to survey the
loft. He wasn’t surprised at all to find Justin standing at the window staring
at the street down below. He looked happy, and content.  Brian didn’t want to
upset him by suggesting to go outside, but the thought lingered in his head
nonetheless.  When Justin was in a decent mood was the only time he could
suggest it.
Justin tore himself away from the window quickly, however, and smiled at Brian.
It was reserved, but he knew it was the most the boy could muster now.  He
doubted he’d ever see that ‘Sunshine’ smile again…
Suddenly Justin’s arms were wrapped around him tightly and Brian put his arms
around Justin’s waist to hold him close. Justin was always happy to see him
when he came home and he had to admit that the enthusiastic welcomes he often
received helped convince him why this wasn’t a bad idea.  He smiled as he felt
soft kisses on his neck and bent to capture Justin’s lips with a deep kiss. A
little more of his stress melted away and he couldn’t believe how easily Justin
affected him. Justin’s soft lips were pressed hard against his and he gently
slipped his tongue into the willing mouth. It was so familiar and welcoming.
Justin hadn’t been able to do anything other than kissing and heavy petting and
yet Brian was alright with it. He knew with Justin’s plethora of disorders that
intimacy was going to be one of the last things he worked on. So, he’d go
slowly – he had other means of getting his needs met.
When Justin was breathless he pulled back and watched Justin’s lips roll into
his mouth with pleasure. His cheeks were flushed and his eyes were slightly
glassy. Considering it a job well done, Brian let his hands fall away from him
and then gently patted Justin’s side to get him moving. “Looks like you’ve had
a good day.” He commented, masking his relief with interest.
“It was ok. There was an accident on the street earlier.” Justin reported as he
stepped back towards the window. “No one got hurt. Just a fender bender. But
they didn’t move for like two hours.” He spoke somewhat distantly and then
looked down from the window again.
Brian watched him as he moved to the kitchen and pulled out the take-out menus.
“What do you want for dinner tonight? Chinese? Thai? Mexican?” Brian asked,
slapping each menu down on the counter as he rifled through them.
“I don’t care.” Justin shrugged, not taking his eyes from the window. Brian
could see his breath fogging the glass and sighed.
“If you get any closer you’re going to bump your forehead.” He warned but
Justin just waved him off and continued looking through the glass. Brian
continued perusing the menus until he pulled out one for sushi and flipped it
open when he heard a small bump on the glass. He withheld a chuckle. “Told
you…” He whispered but Justin’s scoff let him know the boy heard him.
“What kind of rolls do you want?” He asked as he moved his fingers down the
list as he picked some out.
“I can’t have any with the spicy sauce.” Was all Justin said and Brian rolled
his eyes as he reached for the phone.
“I know – it has peanuts in it. I asked which ones you wanted.” Brian repeated,
withholding annoyance. Justin was doing that more and more often lately;
instead of telling him what he wanted, he refused to make any decisions by
pointing out what he couldn’t have. Brian suspected it was because he was
afraid of causing trouble.  Justin simply set forth some stipulations and
left the ultimate decision to Brian.
“Which ones are there?” Justin asked without looking away from the window.
Brian sighed, heavily put upon, and took the menu over to him. He held it out
to him which is when he got a good look at the coffee table and saw all of
Justin’s hand exercises – untouched from when they did them in the morning. He
frowned and walked over to pick up the small foam ball Justin was supposed to
squeeze as part of his exercises. It was part of a set intended to help slowly
build up his hand strength. Justin would start with the foam ball and slowly
work his way up to a heavy metal ball that was larger than all the others.
Brian knew it would be some time before they even touched it. The set lay next
to the hand brace Justin was supposed to wear after each exercise to keep his
hand from cramping.
He walked back to Justin and held out the ball. “Did you not do your therapy
tonight?” He asked and Justin shook his head as his eyes remained on the
takeout menu.
“No. I want the Spider roll and the Salmon roll.” Justin said simply as he held
it back out to him. Brian snapped it away and then took Justin’s injured hand
out of his pocket and put the ball into it. “Ow…hey…” Justin grumbled and then
moved the ball to his other hand.
“Don’t.” Brian warned firmly. “Do the fucking therapy, Justin.” He used his ‘no
nonsense’ voice which generally got Justin to do whatever he wanted. He saw the
resignation on Justin’s face and the boy went to the couch and sat down. Brian
nodded as he watched him start his warm-up stretches and then placed their
order.
When he finished and put the phone back on the stand, he walked to Justin and
sat next to him on the couch. He casually leaned back and wrapped an arm behind
Justin, along the top of the couch. “You’re supposed to do them three times a
day.” He reminded and watched Justin’s shoulder’s slump.
“They’re hard to do on my own.” Justin defended weakly and Brian could see that
he was struggling with getting his hand to stretch as much as it needed to in
order to roll the ball up and down his leg. The ball was only a warm up as
well, there were harder, more complicated exercises Justin needed to do as part
of his physical therapy.
“Well if you don’t do them they’ll only get harder.” Brian said, nevertheless,
he scooted closer to him and took a hold of Justin’s hand in both of his to
help hold it open. He massaged the top with his thumbs as Justin moved it up
and down.
They were both silent until the food came. That was when Brian stopped helping
him and went to go open the door. He waited before opening it, however, because
Justin needed to be in the bedroom before he opened the door for someone; most
often though Brian would find him locked in the bathroom. He quickly paid the
man, then shut and locked the door.
“Coast is clear, Sunshine!” He called out as he put the bagged food on the
counter and began taking out the boxes of sushi.
“The door is locked?” Justin’s voice was muffled by the bathroom door – just as
he suspected.
“Yeah, get your ass out here!” He shouted back with a sad shake of his head.
Brian popped open Justin’s box for him because he knew that the boy would
struggle with it with his hand, and then held it out as Justin emerged from the
bathroom.
Even after Justin took the food at sat at the bar Brian kept his gaze on him
intently. ‘He’s getting worse, not better.’ Brian thought sadly, and finally
lowered his gaze to his food. Justin’s hand was pressed back in his pocket and
he ate solely with his left. “I’m going out to Woody’s tonight.” He announced
suddenly and Justin stilled and then turned to him. “Why don’t you come with
me?”
He knew Justin was going to say no. He had to ask anyways.
There was an immediate flinch and Justin’s head jerked back and forth
awkwardly; the very idea of going outside made him so anxious and frightened
that his body seemed to lose control of itself. “N-no…” Justin said, shutting
his eyes tightly.
“Okay. Okay okay okay.” Brian relented quickly, unable to handle the fear that
was emanating from the boy. He stepped forward and took Justin into his arms,
stilling his shaking head with a soft hand to the back of his neck. “It’s okay,
calm down.” He urged and held him firmly as he continued to quiver in his arms.
“You don’t have to go out until you’re ready. Not until you’re ready.” He
promised and placed a soft kiss on the top of Justin’s head.  He would say just
about anything to stop Justin from having a meltdown.
Slowly, the shaking came to a stop and Brian loosened his hold. He moved his
hands up to cup Justin’s face in his hand and wiped the tears away. “Okay?” He
asked and Justin gave a weak nod. “Good.” He let his hands fall and then took a
step away.
He felt guilty for leaving; he didn’t want to leave Justin home alone in the
state he was in. He also didn’t want to leave after the shitty day he’d had.
However, far more than that, he wanted to give Justin a reason to get better.
So, he’d leave him alone and hopefully in time Justin will get sick of being
left behind and want to venture out. Besides, just a few months earlier Justin
made it his goal in life to be wherever he was.  Hopefully Justin would get
that determination back.  It may not be a professional approach, but it was the
only one he had.
“So, I’ll be back in a few hours. You’ll be alright here by yourself, won’t
you?” He asked as he stepped away and grabbed his coat from the chair he’d
thrown it on.
“Yes.” Justin answered simply, his voice quieter than usual. Brian suspected
that he was still recovering, so didn’t think much of it.
“Alright. Later, Sunshine.” He gave a half wave and then left the loft. He
waited just outside the door until he heard the door lock with a click. He
nodded once, sighed, and then walked back down to meet guys.
===============================================================================
Justin didn’t hesitate to lock the door as soon as Brian left. He had
practically bolted for it once it slid closed. He leaned against the cold metal
for a few minutes and kept his eyes closed, listening for anyone that might
have slipped inside the building when Brian had left.
After he was certain no one was coming up the stairs, he moved to the window
and looked down. He pressed his hands against the window sill and looked down
the street. He smiled weakly as he saw the jeep drive down the street and away
from the building towards Liberty.  His smile faded once Brian was gone and
then he slumped a bit as his gaze shifted to the people walking up and down the
street. He knew Brian was constantly thinking of ways to get him to leave, but
the very thought of stepping outside of the loft petrified him in a way he
couldn’t even describe. It just seemed like an impossible feat – it was too
dangerous out there. He didn’t want to be attacked again…
He just couldn’t leave – He couldn’t.
It wasn’t safe…
Not safe…
Not safe.
 
***** Chapter 2 *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
He threw a few things in a backpack and left. He didn’t take much. Just some
clothes, whatever money he had stashed away, and a picture of his younger
brother.
He walked to the bus station. It was pretty far and his body was sore from the
beating he’d received, but he really didn’t care all that much. He just wanted
to get away. He would have left even if they hadn’t kicked him out. He didn’t
want to be in that house anymore; with people who hated him just because of who
he loved.
When he got to the station there was only one bus due to leave, thanks to the
late hour. So he didn’t have a choice of where he was going. Pittsburgh sounded
nice enough, anyways.  It was a big city and he was sure that he’d be able to
find his own way there.
He used all of his money to book the ticket and then fell asleep waiting for it
to arrive. When he finally got on he looked out the window and watched his
hometown get further and further away. But then he looked forward. He was
moving on to a new life.
===============================================================================
Since it was a weeknight, Brian was able to find a parking spot close to
Woody’s and didn’t have to walk very far to get inside.  He had his hands in
his jacket pocket; he always wore it even on summer evenings because it looked
too damn good not to.  Besides, the appreciative glances he got as soon as he
walked inside were worth the extra heat.
He smirked a bit, already returning the gazes of some prospective tricks.  He’d
have to fit in as many as he could.  With Justin the way he was he couldn’t
bring tricks back to the loft so all of it had to be done during the short
amount of time he got out.  There were only a few acceptable men at the bar
though, and two of them he’d already had.  He decided that, given the
circumstances, he’d break his usual ‘one time only’ policy in order to get his
needs met.  Besides, it should make their evening getting a second go with
Brian Kinney.
Before he dealt with any of that, though, he strode confidently to the bar and
got a beer.  He then turned and easily found his friends at a table near the
pool tables.  He walked over to them, grabbed an empty chair from a table
nearby, and sat down between Emmett and Michael.
“Hey!  He does exist!”  Emmett teased as they all patted him on the back in
welcome.
Brian rolled his eyes as he took a long swig of the beer.  “Ha.  Ha.”  He
mocked and slouched in the seat.  “You know it’s not easy getting out.”  He
muttered, not wanting to be mocked for taking Justin’s mental health seriously
–if they saw Justin they’d understand.  
“Not with Rapunzel locked away in the tower.”  Ted joked and chuckled until he
saw Brian’s face was anything but amused.  He quickly grew silent and looked
down at his beer trying to appear invisible.
“Let’s talk about something else.”  Michael suggested, picking up on Brian’s
mood.
“Talk about whatever the fuck you want.”  Brian insisted as one of the men he
had checked out earlier brushed a hand on his shoulder as he walked by to the
bathrooms.  “I’m only here for the men.”  He finished and set his beer on the
table to walk after the trick.
===============================================================================
The table was quiet for a moment after Brian’s departure, but Michael kept his
gaze towards the bathroom where Brian disappeared.  He frowned and then glanced
to the other two.  “I take it things aren’t going well?”  He asked and received
sad sigh from both Emmett and Ted.
“Justin hasn’t left the loft since he got there a few weeks ago.”  Emmett
informed.  “Not only that, but he can’t handle anyone visiting, not even his
mother.  Brian’s literally the only person he’s seen in weeks and I don’t think
Brian knows how to help him.”  Emmett explained, and Michael appreciated it
because even though he’d been back from Portland for a couple of weeks, he
hadn’t received any information on the state of Justin’s recovery other than he
was alive and living with Brian.
Michael frowned sympathetically and looked back to the bathroom again.  Partly
because he hoped through some cosmic best friend magic Brian might be able to
feel that he was sorry, and partly because he didn’t want Brian to catch them
gossiping.   “Is Justin really that bad?”  He asked, his voice sad.
Emmett and Ted exchanged a glance and then Ted leaned forward, his hands
cupping his beer.  “From what Brian said it’s pretty terrible.  The bat messed
up a lot of his motor functions like his right hand.  But he said what’s worse
is Justin’s disorders that popped up after the attack.  He’s got enough of them
to merit a straight-jacket the way Brian talks.”  Ted explained and gave a sad
smile.  “It’s too bad.  He was a good kid.”
“Is.”  Emmett corrected swiftly and Ted nodded jerkily.
“Right.  Of course.  I just meant-.”
“Guys.”  Michael cut them both off swiftly when he saw Brian coming back out of
the bathroom.  They all stilled and sat up straight, failing desperately at
trying to appear normal.  Brian eyed them all suspiciously as he sat back down
and took a long drink.
“Spit it out.”  He said when he lowered the bottle again.
“Spit what out?”  Michael asked with a poor attempt at innocence and stood,
grabbing Brian’s arm.  “Let’s play some pool.  Guys?”  He asked and they all
stood swiftly without a moment of hesitation.  Michael saw the apprehensive
look on Brian’s face, but his best friend didn’t say anything and moved over
with them.
While they played Brian continued to take tricks into the bathroom, more so
than usual as far as Michael was concerned, but he was gone over a month and a
lot had happened.  He was probably trying to burn off some steam.  What was
most troubling, though, was Michael counted his drinks – both of them.  Brian
only drank two beers.  Granted, it was a weeknight, but Michael knew it wasn’t
uncommon for Brian to knock back shots on a Wednesday night.
The only explanation he could think of was Justin.  Whatever was really going
on in the loft, it was bad.  He’d known Justin long enough to know the kid was
a tenacious, determined, little fucker; it would have to be bad to stop him
from living his life.  From Brian’s attitude he could only imagine…
Around ten o’clock Brian said he had to leave and they all said goodbye.  When
he left the bar though, Michael sighed and ran after him.  He caught up to him
quickly and grabbed his arm.  “Hey.  Bit early, isn’t it?”
“Gotta get home.  Justin’s been home alone all day and he doesn’t do well on
his own.”  Brian explained, forcing a tight smile that Michael knew was fake.
“He sounds like a dog.”  Michael teased and Brian scoffed and smiled a bit.
“A dog is less hassle than that kid.”  Brian muttered as he pulled his keys out
of his pocket and began unlocking his car.
“He’s pretty messed up then?”  Michael asked carefully and watched the
stiffening of Brian’s shoulders.
“I’m handling it.”  Brian insisted and jerked the jeep’s door open so quickly
Michael had to step back.
“Are you?”  Michael asked and put a hand on Brian’s shoulder.  “I mean…What if
you’re not what Justin needs right now?  If he’s as messed up as everyone
says-.”
“Stop saying ‘messed up’.”  Brian demanded stiffly and Michael flashed him an
apologetic look.  “He isn’t ‘messed up’.”  Brian mocked Michael’s choice of
words by waving his hands back and forth once.  “He’s sick, and he’ll get
better.”
“I know he will but…what if being with you isn’t going help him?  I’m not
saying you don’t care – we all know you do - but it’s a huge responsibility and
if he isn’t getting better-.” 
“Michael.”  Brian warned and Michael immediately stopped talking, knowing he’d
hit a sensitive spot.  “You’re not telling me anything I don’t already know.” 
Brian continued, not turning to look at Michael.  In fact, he got into his car
and shut the door, but he rolled down the window.  “I don’t know if this is
good for Justin. I’m trying. I have no idea what the fuck I’m doing.  But he
needs me, Michael.”  Brian looked right into his eyes and he saw something he’d
never seen in Brian before; he only wished he knew what it was.  “He needs
me.”  Brian repeated before driving away.
Michael watched sadly. “Good luck.” He said softly and gave a small wave to the
departing jeep.
===============================================================================
Brian dragged his feet as he got back to the loft.  He wished he had drank
more, especially after his terrible day, but he needed a clear head to deal
with Justin which meant he couldn't get drunk.  He also wanted to have fucked
more because those four tricks he pulled would have to last until the next time
he got out, and he had no idea when that would be. He just wanted to get in, go
to bed, and start a new day. This one had been for shit.
He wasn’t sure how much longer he could keep this up; it had only been a few
weeks and already he felt like he was at his end. Despite Justin often lifting
his spirits it never lasted long before he freaked out over something and he’d
quickly be reminded that the boy was not healthy.
He scoffed when he thought of Michael’s choice of words. ‘Messed up’. ‘Yeah,
the kid is messed up alright…’ Brian thought, though he still didn’t like
Justin being described that way. Michael hadn’t even seen him but was already
writing him off. “Not like he ever liked him to begin with.” He spoke that part
aloud in a mutter.
The way Michael treated Justin hadn’t ever registered to him before; he’d never
cared all that much. Justin was tougher than nails and could handle Michael’s
petty jealousy. But now, the way Michael spoke about him earlier bothered him
greatly, and it wasn’t even malicious. Yes, Justin was struggling, but he
didn’t want people to think of him differently. Justin would get better and
things would go back to normal.
They had to.
He finally made it to the top and let himself into the loft for the second time
that night. Immediately he looked around for Justin, not at all surprised to
find the boy passed out on the chaise by the window. He frowned sympathetically
and closed everything up behind him.
‘At least he’s got the window.’ Brian thought sympathetically, frowning at the
window as if it was the cause of all of their problems.
He walked across the loft and knelt by the chaise as he put a hand on Justin’s
shoulder. He shook it gently. “Justin.” He spoke quietly so Justin would know
it was him and not someone else. “Get up, get to bed.” He urged and Justin
drowsily nodded and began struggling to stand from the chaise.
Brian stood and steadied him, then kept an arm wrapped around his shoulder to
help direct him to the bed. Justin probably wouldn’t even open his eyes and it
was up to Brian to get him to bed safely.
“You’ve fun atwody’s?” Justin asked in a slurred and drowsy voice. Brian
withheld a chuckle, but nodded.
“Yeah it was alright.” He answered, mostly just glad he was able to get in a
few fucks – he needed them. He tugged Justin up the stairs so the boy didn’t
trip.
“Te’Emmett there?” He asked and this time Brian did laugh a bit.
“Yeah, Ted and Emmett were both there.” He answered, amused with Justin’s
conversation. “Michael too.” He added offhand.
“He still here? What about Portland?” Brian knew he had to get Justin in bed
soon as he was beginning to really wake up and Brian didn’t want to be up for a
few more hours trying to help entertain the boy.
“I don’t think he’s going back. He hasn’t said anything about it but I think
things with the good doctor ended.” Brian didn’t hide the joy he felt at
knowing he’d been right about their relationship. David was bad for Michael. 
He liked his best friend just the way he was, without the holier-than-thou
mentality David instilled in him.
“Nn…Good. Didn’t like that guy.” Justin muttered before literally crawling into
the bed and curling up against the pillow like a cat. “My head hurts…” Justin
added, but he was getting that sleepy wistfulness to his voice again so Brian
wasn’t concerned. If it was one of his migraines he knew Justin wouldn’t be
tired at all. He hovered close by until Justin stilled and went back to sleep.
Brian let out a long sigh and then ran a hand through his hair as he slumped
his body over from exhaustion. He let his gaze settle on Justin and he felt
something tug at his heart. He wanted what was best for Justin.  He always had,
if he was being honest with himself.  He felt a strange responsibility for him
since their first night together and it had grown stronger each passing day.
 He just wished he knew what to do.  He was walking through a minefield
blindly, and sooner or later he knew he was going to set one off.
He took a quick shower to get all of the tricks off of him, and then slid into
the bed with Justin. He tried to calm down, but he knew the nightmares were
coming and he couldn’t seem to relax.
He couldn’t help but remind himself that this is what he signed up for. ‘This
is your life now, Kinney.’
===============================================================================
There isn’t anything like being woken from sleep by a punch to the side.  Brian
grunted and jerked to the side, instantly awake.  He sat up and saw Justin
fighting desperately on his side of the bed.  He ducked another flying fist and
took a moment to collect himself before braving the flinging limbs to wake
Justin up.  He was surprised he didn’t wake up earlier, as Justin was anything
but quiet and the bed was shaking due to his violent movements.
“Justin.”  He called loudly, grabbing one of Justin’s wrists as it went towards
his middle.  He held on tightly and then skillfully grabbed the other as well. 
Justin continued to struggle, even more so now that he was partially
constrained, and didn’t wake yet.  “Justin.”  He called louder, straddling over
his hips to stop his legs from flailing as well.  He had to press himself down
hard because the last thing he wanted was a knee to his dick.  “Wake up!”  He
called loudly.  “It’s a nightmare.  It’s not real!”
With the rest of his body immobilized, the only thing Justin could flail was
his head, and it tossed and turned frantically.  Whimpers escaped from his
lips, and were only interrupted by screams and howls of protestation.  “God! 
Justin!  Wake up!”  He shouted as loudly as he could and was filled with relief
when Justin opened his eyes.
“Leave me alone!  Get away from me!”  Justin shouted, resuming his fighting,
apparently not aware of where he was or who was with him.
“Shhhh...Sunshine.  Look at me.  It’s Brian.  Okay?  You’re safe.  It’s just
me.”  He tried to reason, but Justin was still shaking his head back and forth
and trying to fight him off.
“No!  Help!  Help me!”  Justin screamed so loudly that Brian’s ears actually
hurt.  He could tell it was rough too as Justin’s voice got hoarse as he cried
out.
“Justin look at me.”  He risked letting go of one hand to grab Justin’s chin
and force him to look up.  He was rewarded with a few punched to his side and
face, but it was hardly the first time he’d been beaten and he knew Justin
didn’t know where he was.  “It’s me.”  Justin finally looked into his eyes and
started calming down.  “That’s it…That’s my boy.”  Brian whispered, relief
filling him.  Justin was panting and still struggling against Brian’s hold, but
after a few seconds he relented and laid back on the bed.
“Brian?”  Justin croaked out, flinching when he spoke as his throat must have
hurt.
“Yeah.”  He said gently, nodding a little to make sure Justin stayed here with
him.  “Hey, look at me.”
Justin’s eyes began searching wildly.  “He was here.  Hobbs!  He…He was right
here.”  Justin sat up and Brian moved back to let him.  He pointed over to the
side of the bed and stared at it.
“No one is here but me.  Justin, it was only a nightmare.  It wasn’t real.”  He
assured, putting a hand on Justin’s shoulder to try and turn him away.  “Come
here.  Look at me.”  He repeated and had to forcibly, albeit gently, turn
Justin back to him.  “You’re safe here.  You know that.”  Brian stilled Justin
and forced a smile to try and help calm him.  “No one’s getting in.  The door’s
made of metal.”  He reminded and thankfully Justin began nodding.
“Right.  A nightmare…It was a nightmare?”  He asked hesitantly and Brian nodded
back.
“That’s all.”  He promised and then slowly pushed Justin back onto the bed. 
“Lay down.  Try to relax.  Hobbs isn’t here.”
Justin followed his directions and laid back on the bed, closing his eyes. 
Sleep was a long time coming, but the screaming and fighting was over.  Seconds
later Justin squirmed over into his arms and Brian held him as close as he
could.  Justin hung onto him so tightly it felt like his ribs might break, but
he didn’t tell him to back off.  It was what Justin needed, so he would provide
it.
When Justin finally went back to sleep Brian was able to relax.  It was nearly
four in the morning, and he could probably squeeze in a few hours before he had
to wake for work, but he wasn’t sure he could fall asleep no matter how hard he
tried.
His face and body hurt where Justin had hit him, but it wasn’t nearly as bad as
the worry running through his mind.  Somehow they would have to get through
this.  He just didn’t know how.
Chapter End Notes
     Alright. Bi-weekly updates it is. I really hope you guys are enjoying
     this. Let me know. :)
***** Chapter 3 *****
Chapter Notes
     This chapter was supposed to be uploaded on Friday, so I'm sorry it's
     late. My internet pooped out. However, I'm still going to keep on
     schedule. As always, let me know what you think. Enjoy!
He found a place to stay near the edge of the city. There were a lot of
abandoned warehouses from shut down steel mills and he found a bunch of
hustlers living in one that didn’t seem to care if he joined in. They didn’t
exactly welcome him with open arms, but they didn’t try to steal from him and
didn’t kick him out. Some even taught him a few tricks of the trade.
He didn’t want to hustle, but he was only sixteen and he didn’t know what else
to do to make money. So he listened closely and hit the streets soon after
arriving. He lost his virginity to a large man who smelled of sweat and had
coffee breath. Ultimately he was glad it happened that way; it allowed him to
let go of any romantic notions he had in one fell swoop.
However, just because he was stuck hustling for now didn’t mean much. He had
big plans. He wasn’t going to let his parents fuck up his life for him. He’d
save up. He’d get his own apartment.  And when he had a real address he could
get a real job. He already had a fake ID, so he wouldn’t even have to wait
until he was eighteen.
He’d show his parents that even though he was gay didn’t mean they could keep
him down. He’d make them all jealous and they’d come crawling to him, begging
for forgiveness.
At least, that was what he told himself every night before going to sleep.
===============================================================================
“No, I know. I told you I’m on my way!” Melanie snapped into the phone as she
skirted around Lindsey, who was desperately trying to keep Gus cheerful while
the boy was on the brink of a fit. Melanie was carrying some stray clothes in
her hands and cradling the phone to her ear with her shoulder. She threw the
clothes into the bag and then grabbed the phone intently. “Well then just do
it!”
“Melanie, keep your voice down.” Lindsey tried to caution as she bounced Gus up
and down in her arms. Melanie waved a bit to motion that she’d heard and then
focused back on the phone.
“Ok just…I’ll be there as soon as I can.” She insisted before angrily hanging
up and throwing the phone onto the couch. Lindsey flinched a little and turned
Gus away in case it bounced back and flew at them.
“What’s going on?” Lindsey asked apprehensively. Wishing she knew why Melanie
seemed to be packing for the both of them.
“My mom had a stroke. She’s at the hospital…It’s not looking good.” Melanie
said simply as she grabbed more clothes out of a hamper and threw them into the
suitcase.  It was obvious she was worried, Lindsey could see her brow folded
together in the middle and she was shaking lightly as she moved around.
“Ok but what about Gus?” Lindsey asked slowly. “We can’t just bring him with
us.  We’ll be at the hospital the entire time and he can’t-.”
“I know! God! Just…” Melanie paused just long enough to pull at her hair in
frustration.
“Debbie is working all day.” Lindsey reminded and then shifted her weight to
her other hip. “Maybe…” She started and then cut herself off as she shook her
head.
“What?” Melanie demanded as she started moving again.
“Well, we could call Brian…But…Justin…” She trailed off weakly and Melanie
sighed and nodded slowly.
“Well, call him. I want to get to the hospital as soon as we can and we have to
drive all the way to Florida.” Melanie insisted and took Gus from Lindsey so
she could call Brian.
===============================================================================
Brian paused from typing long enough to raise his hand to his mouth and yawn.
Justin’s nightmares last night were some of the worst there’d been; there was
only two of them, but they hit hard. The first wasn’t so bad; Brian was able to
calm the boy down in a few minutes and get them both back to sleep. The second,
however, kept them both awake for several hours. By the time Justin had fallen
back asleep it was nearly time for Brian to get up for work anyways, so he’d
simply turned off the alarm and got an early start to the day.
He was exhausted, but he’d had nights with little sleep before. They’d only
been filled with drugs, alcohol and a lot of anonymous sex. Oddly enough, they
were less draining than Justin’s nightmares.
He briskly shook his head, trying to shake the exhaustion from his body, and
blearily looked at the screen once more. For the life of him he couldn’t
remember what he was working on. “Fuck.” He muttered once before he scrolled up
to the top and started reading all over again.
It started coming back to him, so he was able to scroll through most of the
contract, but by the time he got back to where he left off, the phone rang. He
scowled and glared at it. “I swear to God, Justin, if this is you I’m hanging
up.” He murmured angrily before he picked up the phone.
He wouldn’t hang up if it was Justin. But it felt good to say.
He reached out and picked up the phone slowly. “Kinney.” He answered brusquely,
hoping it was a customer.
“Brian! Thank god I caught you. Melanie’s mom is in the hospital and we have to
leave but we can’t take Gus because it’s a hospital and he’d just be squirming
and he’s already upset and-.”
“Lindsey, slow the fuck down. What?” Brian asked as he rubbed the bridge of his
nose with his hand.
“Melanie’s mom is in the hospital.” Lindsey repeated slowly, and now that she
had calmed down a bit Brian could hear chaos on the other line of the phone.
His son was screaming, Melanie was shouting, and Lindsey sounded like she was
at her wits end. “We can’t bring Gus with us because we’re going to be at the
hospital the entire time and it just isn’t a good place for an infant. Debbie
can’t watch him because she’s working.”
Brian suddenly frowned and looked around his office. “So am I.” He reminded and
Lindsey sighed heavily.
“I know but…Brian we’re in a bind. Can’t you take off for a few days?” She
pleaded and Brian hated that tone because it made him want to give in. Lindsey
was a dear friend, he wanted to help her whenever he could.
“I would if I could, Lindsey. But where would I keep him? Justin isn’t…” He
paused because he was about to say the word ‘right’, but that would imply
something was ‘wrong’ and he refused to say that out loud. Before he could
think of something else to say, Lindsey spoke again.
“Maybe it would be good for Justin. He’s been cooped up with only you for
company and Gus is just a baby, it’s not like he’s going to hurt him.  And you
know how much Justin loves him.”
Lindsey was ranting again and Brian sighed. He knew Justin loved Gus – Justin
used to spend more time with the kid than he did. But that was before, and this
is now. ‘Maybe she’s right. You know he isn’t getting better. Maybe Gus is a
safe way to get him used to other people again. It’s not like he can be afraid
of him. The kid can barely even walk.’ Brian thought, but in the back of his
mind he couldn’t help but think what a terrible idea this was.
He took a deep breath; he had to take a chance that this would help him. “Ok.
Just…give me some time to try and talk to him, okay? Come over in half an hour
but call me before you come inside.” Brian informed and Lindsey happily agreed.
Brian hung up, paged Cynthia and began collecting his things. As soon as his
assistant walked in she knew immediately he was leaving for the day. “Justin
again?” She asked.
Brian nodded once and threw his things in a briefcase. “I’ll be working from
home, if I can. Tell Ryder.”
“You think he’ll be mad?” She asked and Brian shrugged as he brushed passed
her.
“I don’t care. I’m already gone.” He forwent the elevator and jogged down the
stairs to his jeep, wondering how he was going to pitch this to Justin.
===============================================================================
Justin was craning his head trying to see down the street better, and wishing
the window was tilted so it was an easier process. He couldn’t even count the
number of times he’d bumped his head on the glass trying to get a better view.
Brian warned him about it constantly, but he still managed to do it several
times a day.
He had his good hand pressed against the glass while his bad one was jammed
into his pocket and forgotten about. It was easy to forget about, seeing as it
was so worthless. It still ached from his morning exercises, which he did
despite Brian not being there to force him. However, he was used to the dull
pain and it didn’t even register to him anymore. It was just another aspect of
his new life that he was growing accustomed to.
And honestly, he liked those parts. He liked the monotony and the
predictability of his new life. Sure, he didn’t get to do much, but at least he
knew he’d always be safe. Outside, there were too many variables to keep track
of. There were so many people who could do anything to him at any time. It was
impossible to watch everything going on around him. The only way to stay safe
was to stay inside the loft.
It was the only way to stay alive.
Although, if he were being honest with himself, there were times he wished
Hobbs had simply finished the job. It would make things easier on everyone;
himself, his friends, Brian. He knew Brian’s entire life had been screwed up
after he moved in with him. He disrupted everything and basically put a halt to
all of the things Brian liked most. He knew that it wouldn’t be long before
Brian got sick of it – and then he could only wonder what would happen to him.
They might put him in an institute. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. Justin had
already thought about what it would be like in one in preparation for when he
was sent away. There’d be schedules and monotony – just like now. There’d be
people, but they could probably limit the ones he saw. He’d get used to it
eventually.
Brian might even come see him a few times. But then he’d get busy with his old
life back and Justin would be forgotten. He was alright with that, too. He
wanted Brian to be happy and he knew that as long as he was around that wasn’t
going to happen.
He’d thought about solving the problem himself a few times. He was alone all
day and it’d be easy to do it before Brian got back. But he didn’t want Brian
to have to walk in and see it. He didn’t want to cause him any more problems.
So, he’d carry on until another solution presented itself.
For now, he’d keep busy by watching the street and the building across the way.
He stiffened and jerked around when he heard someone at the door. His brow
furrowed and he prepared to run into the bathroom, knowing that Brian wasn’t
due home from work for hours to come. He tensed, prepared, and almost bolted
for the bedroom until he saw Brian’s briefcase enter the loft, followed by the
man himself.
Relief filled him and forced a small smile. “You scared me.” He said honestly
and watched Brian pause and then slid the large door shut.
“Sorry.” Was all he was given, but Justin shrugged.
“You’re not supposed to be back until tonight.” He pointed out as he walked
away from the window and to the man. He watched Brian set his briefcase on his
desk and took off his suit jacket. He was acting like he was home for the day,
so Justin smiled – it was a nice surprise, even if it disrupted his treasured
routine.
“Decided to head home early. I didn’t have much to do.” Brian was lying to him,
and Justin could tell, but he didn’t care. Whatever brought Brian home didn’t
really matter to him. It was out there; a whole other world as far as he was
concerned. He nodded a few times and then went and embraced him.
With Brian being the only person he ever saw, all of his need for physical
contact had to come from him. And, despite being bashed in the head and
terrified of almost everything, he still needed to be touched. He had been an
artist, a very tactile person, and he refused to let what happened to him make
him too afraid to feel Brian. Sure, there were limits to what kind of touching
he could do now, but he didn’t feel as safe anywhere else as he felt in Brian’s
arms.  Brian always held him back, even when it was the middle of the night and
there were tears streaming down his face.
He felt a kiss on the top of his head, which was usually the sign that Brian
was done holding him for the time being. Justin let go and stepped back with a
calm smile.
“Anything interesting happen today?” Brian asked as he began undoing his tie.
Justin could still sense apprehension from the man, and he worriedly looked to
his hand exercises.
“It isn’t noon yet, I’m not supposed to do them again for another few hours. 
And I did them this morning.  I promise!” Justin immediately said with distress
evident in his voice.  He was hushed with a hand on his shoulder.
“I know. I meant out there.” Brian pointed to the window and Justin physically
relaxed.  He didn’t want to disappoint Brian, ever.  If he disappointed him any
more than he already had, he was likely to lose him forever.
“Oh. Yeah, kind of. You know the apartment straight across? The one with the
family with way too many kids?” Justin waited until Brian nodded. “They’re
moving out.” He said and Brian scoffed a bit.
“Probably bought a little house in the suburbs, with a white picket fence.” He
muttered and Justin led him to the window to point out exactly what he was
talking about. Brian followed willingly and looked out the window with him.
“Yeah…” Just responded distantly and looked up at Brian again. It was a few
seconds before Brian looked back at him, but he did and then he smiled. Justin
smiled back because it was Brian and Brian made him happy. But then Brian’s
smile faded and Justin’s stomach turned into a rock because that apprehension
was back.
“Speaking of kids…” He started slowly and Justin tilted his head a bit to
motion him to continue. “I was thinking about Gus earlier.”
Justin knew this was going somewhere. He just couldn’t imagine where.
“I was thinking about…how much you liked babysitting him. Remember that?” Brian
asked and Justin shrugged a little, now feeling uncomfortable. He didn’t need
reminders about things before.
“Yeah.” He answered and watched Brian fidget nervously. Something was
definitely going on.
“You tried to teach him how to draw before he could even walk. I thought that
was crazy but he still seemed to like it.” Justin watched as Brian slid his
hands into his pockets to try and hide the fidgeting, but it didn’t really
work. Justin knew him too well. “Anyways, I was thinking, maybe seeing Gus-.”
“No.” Justin said adamantly, then spun and stomped off into the bedroom before
Brian could continue.
“Justin.” He could hear Brian call out after him, but he didn’t stop until he
was in the bathroom and shut the door. He didn’t lock it – he’d never lock
Brian out – but he held onto the handle so he’d know immediately if Brian was
going to come in. “Justin come out, we’re just talking here.” Brian’s voice was
slightly muffled.
“No. I’m not going to see Gus. I’d just freak him out!” Justin insisted, and
then bit his bottom lip.
His heart was pounding and he had to start pacing on the tiled floor. It was
too much – too much responsibility. Gus was just a kid! He couldn’t be around a
kid. He’d freak out, and then Gus would freak out, and then he’d never be
allowed to see him again. He gasped as suddenly it was hard to breath.
“Justin I can hear you hyperventilating. I’m coming in, okay?” Brian asked and
Justin nodded, even if he couldn’t see it.
Brian started opening the door while Justin continued pacing. Before Brian got
inside the bathroom, however, Justin heard the metallic rumbling of the loft
door sliding open. He gasped and snapped his head up as fear shot through his
body.
Someone was coming inside. It could be anyone. He’d distracted Brian as soon as
he came inside and he hadn’t had time to lock the door. It could be Hobbs for
all he knew. “NO!” Justin shouted as he gripped his head and fell to his knees.
He was shaking and he couldn’t breathe.
He heard Brian say something but he couldn’t hear what. Not over the roaring
going on in his head.
===============================================================================
Brian’s eyes widened as he watched Justin meltdown right in front of him. Not
out of shock or fear, but out of exasperation – because of course Lindsey and
Melanie wouldn’t call like he told them to. He wanted to go to Justin to try
and calm him down, but he reluctantly turned away to instead deal with the
problem at its source.
“What part of call first don’t you understand?” Brian snapped as he walked out
of the bedroom and to the trio standing in his living room.
“Is that Justin?” Lindsey asked, concern on her face.
“No I was fucking Santa Claus – of course it’s Justin!” He was angry, mostly at
himself for ever thing think was a good idea, but it was easier to blame them
for everything. Thankfully, Brian noted that Gus seemed confused and not upset,
despite the loud screams coming from the bathroom.
“You need to go.” He said and began ushering them to the door.
“What about Gus?” Melanie asked, her gaze flickering to the door of the
bathroom.
Brian huffed and walked to his desk to swiftly pull out a check. He scribbled
out most of the fields but left the amount empty. “Here. Hire someone until
Debbie can take him.” He said and then continued pushing them out. He almost
got them to the door but Lindsey turned back Gus still in her arms. He was
going to snap at her again, but she spoke first.
“Good luck.” Was all she said before pressing a kiss to his cheek and leaving
with Melanie. Brian swiftly shut and locked the door behind them and pressed a
hand to his head, beginning to get a headache.
He gave himself a moment of alone time before deciding to go confront Justin in
the bathroom. Once he had calmed down enough to be helpful, he walked back
inside and knelt down on the tile next to his boy. Justin had stopped howling
but he didn’t seem aware of his surroundings yet so Brian was tentative when he
put an arm around Justin’s shoulders. He felt him tense immediately, but then
he relaxed and leaned against him.
“I’m sorry.” Brian said softly as Justin rocked back and forth in his arms. “I
shouldn’t have-I just thought it might help.”
“You trapped me.” Justin’s voice was shaking and weak, but it was still thick
with accusation. Brian couldn’t deny it, because it had been a trap. He’d just
thought it would have gone better.
“I’m sorry.” He repeated, sincerely. Despite his old adage of ‘no apologies and
no regrets’ he’d said the words a lot to Justin lately, and he meant them every
time. He didn’t know what he was doing anymore, so when he messed up he felt
regret. He felt like he was setting off every mine in the field every time he
moved. “I’m just trying to do what I think is best for you.” He said honestly.
“You want me to leave. You don’t want me to feel safe here anymore so I’ll
leave.”
‘That’s new.’ Brian thought, worriedly. Justin had never accused him of that
before and it hurt to know it was what he thought. “That isn’t true. I messed
up – I should have told you, asked you, to see if it was okay. But I knew you’d
say no without trying and I figured Gus would be a good starting place. I don’t
want you to leave.” He insisted, but could feel Justin shaking his head almost
neurotically.
“You do. You want your old life back. You hate having me here. You hated it
when I was here before and I was normal then! You hate it. You hate me!”
“Stop!” Brian shouted, unwilling to hear anymore. Justin obeyed, but he could
hear a muffled crying coming from him. “I do not hate you. I could never hate
you.” He spoke the last part more gently and took a hold of Justin’s red face
to make him look up. “It doesn’t matter what happens, or what you do, or what
you say – I will never hate you.” Brian spoke that very clearly because he
wanted Justin to understand that, if nothing else.
Distantly, he remembered a time when those words would have melted Justin to
the floor. A time when he’d merely asked if Justin was going to school out of
state and the boy had someone supposed that meant he was deeply in love with
him. But that Justin wasn’t here anymore; his smiles, his laugh, his adoring
eyes, and his tenacity were all gone.
For now.
But it would be a cold day in hell before Brian let it stay that way.
“Let’s get off the floor.” He insisted and waited for the ‘old’ joke that was
never going to come. Justin obeyed silently and morosely wiped at the tears on
his cheek. He followed as Brian walked him to the bed and laid him down. Brian
wasn’t surprised when he quickly fell asleep. These kinds of breakdowns always
left Justin exhausted. As much as he wanted to lie down and rest himself, he
had something he had to do.
He was sick of walking the minefield without a map.
***** Chapter 4 *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
There was one of the other hustlers that he really liked. His name was Hunter
and he was a few years younger than him. He’d been shocked to find out – he
looked and acted like he was in his twenties. He just supposed that meant he’d
already been out on the streets for so long that he’d lost all sense of his
innocence. He wondered how long it would take before that happened to him too.
Hunter showed him around town during off-hours. He had been the one to get him
a fake-ID and he had told him which bars were the best to pick up Johns. He
also taught him a few tricks of the trade; some things that made the clients
keep coming back for more.
He appreciated it. The whole situation was still new and strange to him, but
having what he might call a friend helped ease the pain. It made it easier to
miss his family. He knew he couldn’t go back, but they were still his family
and he still loved them. He hoped in time his parents might come to understand
him and welcome him back. But he wasn’t going to hold his breath waiting. He
knew it would only make him suffocate.
He already had one client that came to see him every day. He thought the man
was a closet case too because he wore a wedding ring and talked about his wife
and kids. But he didn’t care. He paid well and kept coming back for more.
So, no. His life wasn’t great. But this wasn’t forever. He knew in only a
matter of time he’d get the life he wanted.
===============================================================================
The bar was mostly empty, but Brian wasn’t surprised – it was the middle of the
day after all.  He was reclined against a booth in one of the back corners,
nervously looking at the door every few seconds.  When his friend finally
arrived, he sat up straighter and then stood to welcome him.  “Alex.”  He
greeted with a wan smile.  He held out his hand and Alex shook it with a smile
of his own.
“Brian.  I have to admit I was surprised to hear from you.”  He said to him as
they slid into opposite sides of the booth.
“I’m not really one for keeping correspondents.”  Brian muttered, not wanting
to waste time on pleasantries.  He leaned forward and donned a serious
expression.  “I need your advice – your help.”  He added and Alex looked at him
with interest.
“Well, Brian, I know you have a series of disorders and addictions but I never
would have imagined-.”
“Not for me.  For Justin.”  Brian cut him off with annoyance.
“Justin?  Justin Taylor?  The kid who was bashed at his prom?”  Alex asked
somberly and Brian nodded.
“One and the same.”  Brian confirmed as he folded his arms and placed them on
the table.  “He’s living with me and-.”
“He’s living with you?!”  Alex asked in amazement and Brian huffed.
“Can I finish?”  Brian asked and Alex motioned for him to continue.  “But after
the attack he…The doctors said he has all these mental conditions.  They said
it would be normal and that in time he’ll get better.  But he’s not…he’s not
getting better.  He’s getting worse.”  Brian said, haltingly at first, but then
with more confidence.  He was apprehensive of speaking about such personal
things, but if he wanted to help Justin – and he did – he would have to do it.
“Mental conditions?  Like what?”  Alex asked and Brian could see his mood shift
from curious, to concerned.
“They said depression, anxiety, paranoia, and PTSD were all things I should
expect.  And he’s definitely living up to their predictions.”  Brian said
sadly.
“What is he like?  Give me a summary of a typical day for Justin.”  Alex
requested, and so Brian did.  He described the nightmares.  He told him about
the incident that day and how afraid Justin was of anyone else stepping foot in
the loft.  He talked about his obsession with the window and his refusal to do
his physical therapy.  Alex listened attentively the whole time and even pulled
over a napkin to begin jotting down some notes.
It felt professional, and real.  It was a relief to Brian.  That was what he
wanted – it was what he needed.  Someone who knew what they were doing to help
him help Justin.  When he finished Alex was quiet as he looked down at the
scribbled words on the napkin.  Brian let him think, and waited patiently.  It
was a good minute before Alex finally spoke.
“It’s sad, isn’t it?”  He asked and Brian raised an eyebrow.  “For something so
tragic to happen to someone so young?”  He asked and Brian simply frowned and
turned away.  He didn’t know how to answer that.  “I remember reading about him
in the paper, and seeing him on the news.  No one ever said your name though. 
I didn’t know you knew him.  Tell me about that night.”
“Justin doesn’t remember it.”  Brian said simply, now very uncomfortable.
“But you do.  Tell me what happened.”  Alex asked and then flipped the paper
over.
“Why?  Talking about what happened that night isn’t going to change anything.” 
He insisted, not wanting to have to remember anything from the bashing.  There
was too much blood…
“There are two people living in that loft, Brian.  Justin’s condition is only
half of the whole picture.  I can’t help unless I know where you are, and how
you’re doing with all of this.”  Brian looked at him for a long time, now
extremely grateful the bar was practically empty.
“What do you want me to tell you?”  He asked sarcastically.  “We danced.  We
left.  He got bashed.  End of story.”
“But it isn’t.  Not for you.  You’re still living with the repercussions of
that night.  And if you haven’t properly handled your emotions over what
happened you’ll be of little help to Justin.  Let me guess; you’ve been using
Justin’s condition to distract yourself.  You can pretend that you’re okay
because he’s worse off.”  Alex spoke firmly, clearly trying to make Brian
listen to him.  When Brian didn’t answer, he continued.  “How do you expect him
to confront his fears if you won’t confront yours?”
Brian slowly looked away from him and down to the glossy finish on the table. 
He had to admit Alex had a point.  But he wasn’t about to have some kind of
counseling session, so he shook his head.  “I’m here for Justin.”  He stated
firmly and Alex sighed and gave a conceding nod.
“Fine, but it’s something to think about.”  The doctor reminded before turning
the napkin around and pointing to one of the things he’d written down.  “You
said he looks out the window most of the day?”
Brian nodded.  “Yeah.  If he’s not having some sort of meltdown he’s at the
window looking outside.  I always figured he was watching for danger or
something.”
“I doubt it.  I suspect it’s how he fills his need for interaction.”  Alex
informed and pulled the napkin back.   “Sure, he can’t speak to anyone out
there, but then again he doesn’t want to.  He’s able to learn about people’s
lives from a safe distance; from a place where he doesn’t have to put himself
at risk of being attacked again.”  Alex spoke smoothly and confidently.  “You
are right when you say he’s getting worse.  If he isn’t striving to move
forward to conquer his conditions, he’s only going to move backwards.  However,
forcing him into a situation he is not ready for is only going to accomplish
making him fearful of his home as well.”
“I apologized to him.”  Brian said swiftly, not wanting to be reminded that
he’d made a huge error in judgement.
“That’s fine.  But the damage has been done.  You’ll have to regain his
trust.”  Alex said and Brian nodded a few times.
“Fine.  How do I do that?”  He asked and Alex smiled broadly.
“Encourage him while he’s looking outside.  Engage him in what he sees.  People
watch, comment, judge.  Who cares.  Make him feel like its normal.  Make him
feel like you’re interested.  The time to push him to confront his fears will
come, but it will be a long process.  Those doctors who told you that laundry
list of conditions he has?  They don’t know shit.  All of those conditions are
caused by one problem – his fear.  They can call it whatever they want to be
dramatic, but all of the things he’s doing – his meltdowns, his obsession with
the window, his refusal to do his PT - it’s all his fear manifesting itself.” 
Alex was speaking with passion which gave Brian a bit of hope.  To find out he
has one problem instead of five made him feel like all of this was manageable.
“I can do that.”  Brain spoke assuredly. 
“Good.  And Brian…I’d like to speak to Justin myself, even if it’s only on the
phone.  As much help as I’m sure you’ll be, I’m a professional.  Besides, it’s
been proven to help people in Justin’s situation to have a third, un-involved
party, to talk to.  It’s someone who has no expectations, someone he won’t have
to worry about upsetting.”  Alex gave the suggestion with a face that read he
knew it wasn’t going to happen – at least not now.  Still, Brian nodded and
tucked the offer away for now.
“I should get back.  I want to be there when he wakes up so he doesn’t freak
out and think I’ve abandoned him or something.”  Brian tried to joke, and even
tried to force a laugh, but it fell flat.  After Justin's comment earlier about
hating him, he knew that it was a very real possibility Justin was afraid of
being abandoned.  He and Alex shook hands again, and Brian walked away.
While he was driving back home, he tried to think of a way to engaged Justin in
his window-escapades. He stopped by the store before returning to the loft and
picked a few things up. When he got back, Justin was still asleep so he set his
gifts aside and waited for the boy to wake up. He kept himself entertained by
working on some emails.
It was nearly three when he heard Justin rustling around in the bed, signaling
that he was about to wake up. Brian lifted his gaze and looked over, hoping
Justin would be in a good mood. He’d fucked up that morning, he just hoped he
didn’t do anything permanent.
===============================================================================
Though he was often out of place whenever he woke up, he always knew when he’d
just had what Brian liked to call a melt-down. His body was sore, his throat
hurt, his eyes felt crusty, and he struggled to remember what had happened
before he went to sleep. This time was different. He recalled everything with
clarity the moment he woke up and remembered exactly what had happened and
where he was.
Justin turned over on the bed towards Brian’s side where he expected to find
the man. He was shocked to find it empty. One thing he had come to rely on
after such events was Brian’s secure presence right next to him when he woke
up. ‘He really is sick of me.’ He thought in dismay.
Feeling abandoned, he didn’t get up right away. He continued to lie in the bed
and think about what would happen to him. But then he heard movement in the
living room and shot up. At first, he didn’t think it could be Brian, so he
panicked and assumed someone had broken in. However, he heard the intruder sigh
with a very distinct tone that he recognized and he relaxed.
Brian hadn’t abandoned him after all. He tentatively got up from the bed and
walked towards the living room to see Brian in the flesh. The man was pushing
the chaise away from the window and Justin watched with indignation. Before he
could voice his protestation, however, Brian moved to the couch and began
pushing it towards the window instead.
Brian must have heard him, because after he was finished he turned around and
looked at him, as if silently asking for his opinion. Justin was speechless,
still trying to figure out why yet another part of his precious schedule was
being disrupted.
“You fall asleep here all the time. I thought the couch would be more
comfortable. And it’s higher, so it’s easier to see out.” Brian suddenly
explained, motioning to the white couch. “And…There’s room for two.” Brian
finished and Justin turned his gaze swiftly from the couch, to him.
“You want to sit there with me?” Justin asked slowly, unable to process what
Brian was hinting at. Brian had rarely looked out the window with him. He’d
asked about it, he’d gone over there to wake him up when he’d fallen asleep, or
he’d force him to do his hand exercises, but rarely to look out.
“Sure.” Brian said and then suddenly walked over to the island in the kitchen
to pull up a bag Justin hadn’t noticed. It was from an electronics store but
Justin could only imagine what was inside. “Here. I got something for you.” He
said as he pulled out a box and handed it to Justin.
Justin took it with his good hand and looked down at the box to see top-of-the-
line binoculars. “What…?” He couldn’t even ask because it seemed to be the most
random thing.
“It’s the most expensive one they had. Of course they only had two. Most people
don’t have a need for binoculars I guess. Here, let me get it out for you.”
Brian was speaking quickly and in a tone of voice that made Justin feel as if
this was significant, only he couldn’t figure out how. He let Brian take the
box back and watched him pop it open and take the binoculars out. He was handed
the merchandise and examined it silently. “Do you like it?” Brian asked and
Justin looked into his eyes.
“It’s so I can look through the window?” He asked and Brian nodded.
“Yeah. It’s hard to see across the street. This way you can see into people’s
windows easier.” Brian explained and Justin couldn’t help but smile a little.
Brian seemed nervous and Justin realized that it was because Brian really
wanted him to like the present. And he did.
“Thank you.” He said sincerely and smiled a little broader.
“I got you something else, too.” Brian said and pulled out the other object in
the bag. It was a large, professional camera. “You probably won’t be able to
use it until your hand gets stronger, but when it does I figured it’d be nice
to have. If you see something interesting. Maybe…” Brian hesitated but cleared
his throat and continued one. “Maybe something you want to paint.”
Justin stilled and looked at the camera intently. He hadn’t even thought about
his art since he woke up from his coma. It had been a purposeful avoidance
tactic – one he’d learned from Brian. Even if he could paint, he didn’t think
anyone would want to see what he had to show. He knew PIFA was simply out of
the question anymore, even if he miraculously got better today they’d already
given his spot away. It hadn’t bothered him to think about it because being an
artist was a dream that would never be realized, thanks to Hobbs.
“Thanks…” He said, though this one was decidedly less sincere than the last.
Brian didn’t seem to mind. He simply set the camera aside before wrapping an
around Justin’s shoulder and pulling him in for a light kiss. When Brian moved
away, Justin looked down at the gifts once more and then over to the rearranged
furniture. “You’re really okay with me staying here?” Justin asked and Brian
looked at him confused.
“This is your home.” Brian said it so simply, as if it was obvious. But to
Justin, the fact was this was Brian’s home, and he was merely a guest in it.
And guests didn’t stay forever. Brian was accommodating now, but what about in
six months? He knew it was only a matter of time before Brian got sick of him –
it only took a few weeks before.
Justin realized Brian was leading him over to the window, so he followed and
sat next to the man. “So, tell me what you know.” Brian requested and tapped
the binoculars.
“Not much. But now I’ll see everything.” Justin answered with a smile and
lifted them up to gaze through the window.
Chapter End Notes
     So Justin has the iconic binoculars now. And now is when we'll begin
     transitioning into the real story. Let me know what you think! :)
***** Chapter 5 *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
His client really liked him. He came every day and took him for a few hours.
They just went to a hotel – nothing fancy. But he didn’t care. Even a rotten
hotel was better than the abandoned warehouse he had been living in. The client
even let him stay the night afterwards. Of course, he went home to his family.
But he didn’t mind staying in the room alone. He could watch TV and sleep in a
real bed.
And the guy kept coming back for more. He was even beginning to look forward to
his meetings with the man.  Since he wouldn’t consider any of the hustlers his
friends, it was the closest thing he had to a friendship.  They didn’t talk
much – the John liked to just get straight to business – but it was obvious the
man was seriously attracted to him and it felt good to have someone desire him
so much. 
He decided to take the day off in preparation for his meeting with him
tonight.  Apparently he was supposed to meet him in a new place.  He was
excited to see what the man had bought for their little escapades.  Since he
was in a good mood, he treated himself to a nice lunch, knowing that a large
tip was coming his way, and decided to take his time getting to know the city.
===============================================================================
Michael was beaming proudly as he picked up his very first box and began
organizing his new merchandise. Owning his own store felt euphoric and
exhilarating. He never thought that one day he, a community college dropout,
would be an entrepreneur. But here he was. Sure, the store didn’t look great,
but it was his and he loved it. He’d been told that was all that mattered. ‘So
long as you love what you do, you’ll never work a day in your life.’ And if
there was one thing Michael loved, it was comic books.
He pulled out some of the comic books that had been stashed in the box and
frowned in sadness. They were in poor condition, so he wouldn’t get much out of
them, but he knew that there were some rare and well cared for comics that he
looked forward to putting on display.
He began whistling, even though he wasn’t very good, but he was too excited not
to do something. If he wasn’t holding a pile of comics he would have done a
little dance as well.
Michael had worked through a few boxes until he heard a knock on the door. He
paused, a little confused, because he had a sign up saying the store would re-
open in a week. So, he slowly walked over to it and peered through the many
posters covering the door and rolled his eyes. “Brian…” He muttered, secretly
pleased that his friend had dropped in to visit him. He unlocked the door and
pulled it open, smiling up at the bell as it jingled above them.
“This isn’t mistletoe, Mikey. Are you going to let me in?” Brian asked, but
didn’t wait for Michael to step aside before gently pushing him out of the way.
Michael watched Brian’s face carefully, wondering what his reaction would be to
his store.
Michael was dying to know what he was thinking, but he remained impassive.
Brian was silent as he weaved through the stacks of boxes. He didn’t even crack
a look as he lifted a picture on the wall to peer at the wallpaper behind it.
Michael fidgeted nervously until Brian turned back to him and crossed his arms
over his chest. “This place is a dump.” He announced but Michael could see a
glint in his best friend’s eyes. Michael smiled broadly and shrugged.
“Maybe. But it’s my dump.” He announced proudly and walked behind the counter
to the box he was working on. Brian followed lazily, still looking around the
store, but then leaned against the front of the counter.
“You shouldn’t sound so…” Brian paused when he lifted his silk sleeve and saw a
layer of dust on it. He scowled and brushed it off. “Proud.” He finished and
pointedly didn’t touch anything around him.
“I can’t wipe anything down until I get everything catalogued and put away.
Everything was in chaos. He had fantasy with sci-fi and-.”
“Mikey.” Brian warned and Michael stopped, still smiling. “Congrats.” Brian
finished and Michael nodded, motioning to him.
“I couldn’t have done it without you.” He said and Brian raised an eyebrow.
“Oh? How so?” He asked and Michael shrugged awkwardly.
“Well, remember that Captain Astro you got me for my birthday?” When Brian
nodded, Michael continued. “I sold it on eBay.” He explained and braced himself
for the indignation that was sure to come.
But it didn’t. Looking at Brian carefully he saw the man look around the store
again, apparently seeing it in a new light. Then his friend shrugged and seemed
to approve. “I guess I could have gotten you a worse gift.” He said and Michael
chuckled a little. “What made you think of buying this?” He asked and Michael
sighed.
“Well I was so sick of the Big Q. And I didn’t want to go back
there…I couldn’t go back there. It would have been a step backwards and I
didn’t want to do that. So when I heard Buzzy was selling the store I thought
it was perfect. I convinced him to sell it to me, even though he had a better
offer and now here we are.” Michael looked around again, still in disbelief
that this was real, and he’d done it all on his own.
“You’ve been busy. I was shocked when I went to the diner for lunch and your
mother told me what’d happened.” Brian started walking around the store again,
so Michael couldn’t see his face, but he knew him well enough there was a
reason for his somewhat distant voice.
“Well I would have told you but…” Michael trailed off and glanced away towards
one of the figurines he’d found in the boxes. “You already have so much on your
plate. I knew you would have wanted to help. But I didn’t want to put more
pressure on you.”
“You mean with Justin?” Brian asked, popping open a box and pulling out one of
the comics inside.
“Yeah.” Michael said carefully. He still felt so out of the loop where Justin
was concerned. When he’d come back from Portland Justin was already settled in
the loft and he couldn’t get much out of Brian because he rarely saw him. And
everyone else was almost as uninformed as he was and couldn’t offer much other
than Justin was in bad shape.
“Yeah…” Brian sighed heavily and dropped the comic back into the box with a
plop. “But you’re my best friend, Mikey. I’m proud of you.”   Michael
straightened up a little and smiled even broader.
“Thanks.” He said, because Brian being proud of him was one of the things he’d
always wanted. Brian nodded and walked back, but his expression had changed.
Something was wrong, but he didn’t know what. He was sure he was about to find
out, though.
“So, I actually went to the diner looking for you.” Brian said and came back to
the counter. “I had to talk to you…about Justin.” Brian explained and Michael
was a little confused, but nodded a little.
“Ok. I’m not sure how much help I’ll be but whatever I can do.” He said
honestly and with a weak smile. Sure, he and Justin had gotten off on the wrong
foot – mostly because of him – but he didn’t want Justin to suffer; if there
was a way he could help he’d do it.
“Not like that. Justin needs…privacy for a while. We’re working on getting him
to see other people but that’s a ways away. For a long time my loft has been
open to everyone. Everyone in our family had a key and you all came and went
whenever. That was fine then, really. But…I can’t let that happen now. Justin
can’t handle it. So until I say it’s okay, no unplanned visits, no stopping by,
nothing. Can you tell the others?” Brian asked and Michael nodded slowly, but
with a distinct sadness.
He wasn’t upset that Brian’s loft was suddenly off-limits, he wasn’t even
surprised about given what he assumed Justin’s condition to be like. He was
upset that these precautions were necessary in the first place. Neither of them
deserved it.
“Yeah, I can do that.” He assured calmly as he sat on the chair he had behind
the register. “Things are that bad then?” He asked curiously and ignored the
beleaguered sag of Brian’s shoulders.
“That’s one word for it.” Brian murmured so quietly Michael almost didn’t even
hear him.
“I barely even know what’s going on.” Michael hedged, wanting, needing to know
more, but feeling uncomfortable about openly asking.
“Can we not talk about it, Michael? I have to deal with it all the time…I
just…I’m taking some time off of work and now it’s going to be constant.
Sometimes I need a break from it, okay?” Brian insisted and Michael nodded
swiftly, agreeing the instant he heard Brian’s tone.
“Yeah. Just…Let Boy Wonder know I’m worried about him. We all are.” He said and
Brian gave him a hard look, as if he was trying to judge Michael’s sincerity.
He apparently passed because Brian nodded.
“I will. He’ll like that.” Brian informed, now more relaxed.
“I doubt he’d even care. I wasn’t exactly his biggest fan before.” Michael
admitted with a look of regret.
“He likes you, Mikey. He was glad when I told him you’d ended things with that
horrible chiropractor.” Brian told him, to Michael’s surprise. He leaned
forward on the counter, ignoring the layer of dust, and looked at Brian with
interest.
“Really? He didn’t like David?” He asked and Brian rolled his eyes
dramatically.
“No one did. You were just too in love to listen to any of us.” Brian was
teasing him, but Michael grabbed an old comic and threw it at him anyways.
“Oh whatever. Everyone makes mistakes.” He defended himself with a laugh and
Brian picked up the comic and threw it back at him.
“Not me. I’m perfect.”
Michael rolled his eyes. “The sad thing is you actually believe that.” He
muttered and looked over the abused comic before setting it back down.
“I believe it because it’s a fact.” Brian insisted and smirked confidently.
“Anyways, I got to get back home…thanks, for understanding.” He said and then
leaned over the counter to give Michael a deep kiss which made Michael break
out into giggles.
“Just go. And if you or Justin need anything, just ask.” Michael waved at him
as he left and then frowned and slumped back against the wall. He didn’t envy
Brian at all, and wished there was more he could do to help, but unfortunately,
he was pretty useless. He was going to go back to work but the bell jingled and
he looked up, thinking Brian had come back in.
However, when he looked up he didn’t recognize the man who walked in. “Excuse
me we’re-.” He stopped, because he finally saw the man’s face and his heart
legitimately skipped a beat.
“Sorry, I saw the sign on the door but that man just left and I thought I’d
take a chance.”
Michael didn’t think he’d ever heard such a melodic voice before. Realizing his
mouth was hanging open he snapped it shut and nervously stepped out from behind
the counter. “I’m Michael. I just bought this store but…I might be able to help
you find something in this mess.” He joked and the man laughed a little,
offering his hand.
“I’m Ben, Ben Bruckner. And I’m in desperate need of some professional advice.”
Michael hesitated for a moment, because he’d never considered himself a
professional at anything before. But he was the one who owned his own store
now, so he supposed the shoe fit – and it fit nicely.   “Let’s see what I got.”
===============================================================================
Later That Night.
“Fuck.” Justin cursed angrily as he dropped a piece of chicken from the fork
back into the plastic bowl. His left hand shook when he bumped it with the
binoculars he was holding with his neck as he took a bite of dinner. It felt
like a juggling act, and one he was getting very sick of. He set the fork and
bowl aside and moved the binoculars onto the top of the back of the couch.
He shifted, so he was kneeling against the couch and looking out the window,
before reaching back down to get the bowl. He balanced it on the windowsill and
started eating again.
“Think of how much easier it’d be if you used both hands.” Brian was pulling
two bottles of beer out of the fridge, so Justin thought he’d gone unnoticed –
apparently not.
“Shut up.” Justin muttered defensively, purposefully shoving his gimp hand
further into his pocket.
“I’m just saying.”
“Well don’t.” Justin murmured as he set the fork down and picked up the
binoculars to peer outside again. He felt something against his shoulder and
turned to see Brian offering him one of the beers. He had to struggle a bit, as
reaching across himself very nearly knocked his bowl of orange chicken over,
and he didn’t miss that ‘I told you so’ look on Brian’s face. Still, he managed
to grab it and set it on the windowsill next to his food.
As if purposefully trying to annoy him, Brian roughly fell onto the couch,
jostling Justin and nearly toppling him over. He had to drop the binoculars yet
again to catch himself. “I’ll do them after dinner, okay?” Justin asked,
knowing this was punishment for another day of skipping his hand exercises.
“I didn’t say anything about that.” Brian shrugged innocently as he stole a
piece of Justin’s chicken from his bowl.
Justin rolled his eyes and looked through the binoculars again. “If you wanted
some why didn’t you order some?” He asked, but he wasn’t really annoyed about
the food. Before he could say anything else, Brian snagged the binoculars away
and began looking through them himself.
“Alright, who do we have here?” He asked and Justin smiled a bit and let his
annoyance slip away as he moved Brian’s head towards an apartment across the
street.
“That guy sits in his apartment most of the day with his headphones on
synthesizing music. Every once in a while he’ll go full on DJ. He’ll get up and
pretend he has these turn tables in front of him. It’s pretty funny.” Justin
explained as he looked out the window to the left most apartment he’d been
spying on. They were much easier to see now; before they’d been somewhat blurry
blocks of color.
Brian chuckled softly as he stole another bite of Justin’s chicken. “He looks
like a stick bug.”
Justin laughed heartily and nodded in agreement. “Yeah, he does. I call him the
Music Man.”
“Ah, Harold Hill.” Brian supplied, but Justin didn’t have any idea what he was
talking about.
“Who?” He asked slowly and Brian slowly lowered the binoculars and looked at
him.
“Seriously? The musical?” He asked and Justin just offered an apologetic shrug
and shake of his head. Brian scoffed and swiftly looked away. “God you’re so
fucking young, Sunshine.”
“Sorry.” Justin murmured innocently and took a bite of his food.
“We’re going to have to do something about your cinema education.” Brian told
him and then moved the binoculars over. “So that’s the apartment that breeder
family just moved out of?”  He asked and Justin nodded with a scowl.
“Yeah.  Two men just moved in.”  He was not happy about that development.  He
didn’t need new people disrupting his schedule. 
Brian glanced at him, but didn’t comment on his clear disgust.  Justin was
glad, because the fewer times Brian saw just how neurotic he was the better. 
“And next to it?”  Brian asked instead.  “What’s there? Oh god!” Brian swiftly
dropped the binoculars and gagged in disgust.
“What?” Justin asked curiously, and reached for them. He had to know what got
such a huge reaction out of the man. However, before he could raise them up to
his eyes, Brian’s hand stopped him.
“Breeder sex. I’m doing you a favor.” Brian said, jerking them back and away
from him. Justin couldn’t help but laugh some more.
“This coming from a man who says it isn’t exciting if there aren’t at least
three people involved.” Justin retorted and Brian held up a finger to silence
him, a dead serious expression on his face.
“Men, Sunshine. Three men.” He corrected and Justin laughed as he pushed
Brian’s hand away. “I’m serious. This is an important rule.”
“Oh yeah, it’s right up there with ‘no accepting drinks from strangers’ and
‘always use a condom’. Always have sex with men.” Justin started laughing again
and Brian chuckled along with him.
“Always remember that one.” Brian teased and then took up the binoculars again.
“So, let’s just skip Ward and June Cleaver over there and find something
else….” He said slowly scanning the apartment building windows for something
interesting. Justin watched contently, a small smile on his face.
“They’re not exactly like the Cleavers.”  Justin informed in a scandalous
whisper.  “Ward has another woman over almost every day around lunchtime, and
June goes over to Harold’s apartment and he fucks her.”  He informed and Brian
raised an eyebrow in interest.
“Oh really?”  He asked and then shrugged.  “Just goes to show how pointless
marriage is…”  He muttered before peering into a few of the other apartments
across the street.
They would pass the binoculars back and forth, spying on the people across the
street. Justin laughed more that night than he had every day since he woke up
from his coma combined. Brian brought it out in him.
He suspected Brian felt guilty after what happened with Lindsey and Melanie, so
he was trying to make it up to him. He didn’t care why Brian felt the need to
give him extra attention, though. He was glad for any opportunity to spend time
with him. All of those people that they spied on weren’t real – well, they
were, but not to him. Brian was the only real thing he had in his life.
Justin still knew that his time here in the loft with Brian was limited.
Eventually, he would get sick of coddling him. He would get sick of his
nightmares and losing sleep. He would get sick of not being able to bring
tricks to the loft. He would get sick of telling Justin to do his PT over and
over again. And then Brian would send him away.
That was a certainty to Justin. It was only a matter of time. So, he wanted to
enjoy the time he had with Brian while he could. Until he was really alone and
nothing was real. He’d decided that was when he would do it. Even if an
institute wasn’t so bad, he didn’t want to live alone – truly alone. So, he’d
live until Brian decided he’d had enough.
He’d never say anything though. No, Brian had enough to deal with and he didn’t
need this kind of pressure on top of everything else. He loved him too much to
do that to him. He’d wait until Brian sent him away, and he’d do it wherever he
ended up – make them clean it up.
===============================================================================
He showed up at the new place with a broad smile on his face.  They were at the
rich end of town.  The buildings were clean and shining.  People didn’t shuffle
around like there were hiding something – they walked with their backs straight
and smiles on their faces.  He fit in easily, as he used to live in a place
just like this when he lived with his family.  He didn’t think of them as he
approached Tremont Street though.
He glanced to a couple of buildings on the corner to check the building numbers
and then went inside.  He jogged up the steps, anxious to see the inside of the
apartment.  When he knocked on the door, however, a strange man opened it.
“Oh, sorry.  I must have the wrong address.”  He said slowly and began to turn,
but the man grabbed his arm.
“No.  It’s right.”  He said and pulled him in the room.
He was going to protest until he saw his usual John in the kitchen, looking at
him with desire.  He relaxed and flashed the man a smile.  “You brought a
friend.”  He pointed out, pleased.  He could use this to double his payment.
“Get into the bedroom.”  He was immediately ordered.  He shrugged and obeyed
because the more they worked him the more he could charge.
He went and sat on the bed, and it began almost immediately.  Gone was the
efficient, but pleasant encounters with his John.  Now that his friend was
there it was a whole new ballgame.  He was tied up.  He was chocked.  He was
beaten.  He was gagged and spit on.
He tried to ask them to stop, but he couldn’t get them to hear him.  He began
worrying that he wasn’t going to make it through the night.
===============================================================================
Justin jerked awake some hours later.  He scanned around himself, disoriented
and confused.  He focused on the music he was hearing and turned towards the TV
to see the DVD had ended and was now playing the menu music over and over
again.  He looked at it for a long moment before realizing he and Brian must
have fallen asleep watching movies.
He turned and looked behind him where Brian seemed uncomfortable laying on the
couch, pressed back against the cushion so Justin had room to lay down as
well.  He smiled, because he didn’t know what woke him up, but at least he
didn’t wake Brian up too.
Justin moved slowly and carefully, his hand still slightly throbbing from his
PT earlier.  But he managed to shift on the couch without waking Brian and
grabbed the binoculars to look outside.  He scanned a few of the apartments
across the street before settling on the middle one with the two new owners. 
He yawned, still sleepy, and blinked repeatedly.
When his vision finally focused he gasped and cried out at what he saw.  The
binoculars fell from his hand and he bent over to begin violently shake Brian
awake.  “Brian!!  Brian!  Wake up!  They’re killing someone!!”
Chapter End Notes
     Once again, I hope you all enjoyed. Let me know. :)
***** Chapter 6 *****
“Justin I don’t see anything. Maybe it was a nightmare.”  Brian suggested as he
peered through the binoculars, seeing nothing but a dark apartment. He set them
down and moved away from the window, but Justin swiftly picked them up and
looked outside desperately. “Enough. Come on. We’re going to bed. My back is
killing me.” Brian said, trying to downplay what had just happened, despite the
fact that it was really worrying him.
“But I saw…I saw them hurting someone!” Justin insisted, resisting Brian’s tug
on his arm to get him away from the window. He relinquished his hold on the
binoculars but only because Brian was stronger and pulled them away.
“It was nothing. There’s nothing there.” Brian told him and put both hands on
Justin’s shoulders to move him forward.
“But…” Justin trailed off, clearly beginning to second-guess what it was he had
seen. “They weren’t…?” He asked slowly and looked up at Brian who shook his
head.
“No. Now lay down.” He said and pulled the blankets on the bed back to let
Justin slide in. He covered him up and then sat on the edge of the bed, finding
he wasn’t very tired anymore. He reached out and ran his fingers through
Justin’s hair to try and help ease him back to sleep as his adrenaline wore
off. “Night, Sunshine.” He said softly and received a very drowsy ‘goodnight’
in return.
Brian was thankful that Justin’s high-wire emotions tended to leave him drained
because he didn’t want to have to pretend that everything was okay. As soon as
Justin fell asleep he walked to the phone and called up Alex, not caring about
the hour. It had to ring for a while before the man actually answered, but
eventually he picked up.
“Who is this?”
“It’s me, Brian.” He said, keeping his voice low as he looked into the bedroom
from the living room; the last thing he wanted was to wake Justin back up.
“It’s about Justin-.”
“Couldn’t it wait until the morning?” Alex sounded annoyed, but Brian could
hear him shift around and knew he was sitting up, so he wasn’t about to hang up
on him.
“No. He just woke me up screaming about how someone across the street just
killed a person. But it wasn’t real, it was a nightmare or something. He’s
never had nightmares that weren’t about Hobbs before and I’m worried that this
is…a bad sign.” He settled for and the moment of silence that greeted him
didn’t make him feel any better.
“What was going on across the street?” Alex asked after a while.
“Nothing. The lights were off. I don’t think they could have gotten up and
turned them off by the time Justin got me up. But it’s possible.” He added at
the last part mostly for his own benefit, as he was trying to find a way to
explain Justin’s behavior. He glanced to the window with a frown, still seeing
nothing going on across the street.
“I see…” Alex said distantly and Brian heard some rummaging on the other end of
the line. He could only imagine what the man was doing.
“Has Justin commented on these people before at all? Anything specific?” He
asked and Brian could now tell he was fully awake.
“Earlier Justin had said that he didn’t want them there. He didn’t like them.
He was trying not to let me notice, but I could tell he was really torn up
about it.”  Brian reported, easily recalling the strange conversation he had
with the boy earlier that day.
“Did they just move in? It’s likely that he viewed them as an invasion to his
space. Even though he’s never been over to the other apartment building he
probably views it as part of his safe area. It’s an extension of his life in
your loft. Being cooped up inside all day has to be stressful to him.” Alex
said and Brian could hear writing on a piece of paper. He wondered if Alex
saved the napkin from the bar and was starting an official file for him.
“He’s the one who keeps himself locked up!” Brian began pacing as he let his
worry about Justin’s mental health come out.  He ran a hand through his hair
and gave it a tug out of frustration.  Despite his efforts, things seemed to be
going from to worse.
“How long did it take for him to calm down?” Alex asked after he’d finished.
“Actually not long, given some of the meltdowns he’s had before. I was able to
distract him and get him back to sleep.”  Brian said and Alex ‘hmmmed’ on the
other line and scribbled some more things down.
“This is the first time he’s had a nightmare about something other than the
attack? You’re sure?” The doctor asked and Brian nodded, and then shrugged even
though it couldn’t be seen.
“Yeah, I mean I think so. If it’s been about something else he hasn’t told me.”
He answered honestly and moved over to the couch and sat down on it heavily. 
His shoulder slumped and his head hung down by his knees.
“I wish I could just talk to him…Have you asked him about meeting with me?”
Alex asked with hope in his voice.
“Seriously, Doc? I just told you how he reacted to people across the street.
How do you think he’ll handle actually talking to you?” Brian snorted and shook
his head. “And you have a PhD?” He rolled his eyes and scoffed.
“Brian there’s only so much I can do without speaking to him myself. Work on
him, tell him how it’ll make you happy if he tried to just talk to me on the
phone.” Alex suggested and Brian paused.
“Why would that help?” He asked slowly.
“Don’t you see? You’re Justin’s whole world right now. I’m sure there’s a part
of Justin that is worried that if he makes you mad in some way, he’ll lose you.
He’ll want to please you any way he is able to.”
Brian didn’t like the sound of that.
“I’m not going to kick him out if he pisses me off! Seriously, if you’d met him
before you’d realize all this shit isn’t really par from the course. He was an
annoying brat.” Brian declared with more than a hint of fondness. Sure, it was
an exaggeration, but he still felt it deserved saying. He’d agreed to care for
Justin and that was what he was going to do.
“Justin isn’t himself right now. As much as he may tell you, there are a
million other thoughts going on in his head. I promise you that he is thinking
and feeling so much more than he is letting on. I don’t even need to talk to
him to know that. He’s the victim of a brutal attack that left him mentally and
physically injured.  The attack was also very personal, aimed directly
at him as a person. That’s why I want to talk to him, so I can find out what is
going on under the surface. Honestly Brian…” Alex hesitated and Brian was
certain that he didn’t want the man to finish his sentence. “It’s very common
for people who have been through what Justin has to have thoughts of suicide or
other forms of self-harm.”
The line was silent for a few moments as Brian didn’t know how to react to
that. Justin hadn’t seemed suicidal. He didn’t seem to want to hurt himself at
all actually. In fact, with how afraid he was of other people hurting him,
Brian didn’t think he’d dare hurt himself. “Justin isn’t like that.” Was all he
was able to manage after the silence droned on too long.
“I told you; he isn’t himself. But remember, I haven’t spoken to him. These
aren’t absolutes, nothing in this situation is. I’m just basing this off of my
experience.”
“So what am I supposed to do? Ignore his delusions? Pretend that everything is
fine so he doesn’t decide he’s better off dead – or I’m better off with him
dead?” Brian stood and began pacing again because he couldn’t handle this. He
was so unequipped.
“I wouldn’t classify what happened as a delusion. It was likely just a
nightmare and he thought it was real because all of his other nightmares had
been about his attacker. I’m sure in the morning he’ll remember that it didn’t
happen. It was a rough day for him, that’s all. Two men move in across the
street and he doesn’t feel safe. It was a recipe for disaster, nothing more.”
 Alex’s words managed to put Brian at ease a bit – at least Justin wasn’t
losing his mind. He didn’t answer right away, so Alex continued.  “I mean it
when I tell you to convince him to talk to me. I can help so much more if I
know what he’s thinking and feeling.” He repeated and Brian nodded.
“On the phone. Only on the phone.” He agreed and swore Alex was nodding by the
way he answered.
“Yes, yes, of course. Call me, even if the answer is no. Keep me updated so I
have current information to work with.”
“I will…” Brian said slowly. “Thanks.” He added suddenly and managed a small
smile. “I appreciate you doing this.” He finished sincerely and it seemed to
stun Alex.
“Brian Kinney, expressing gratitude to someone? Well now I’ve seen everything.”
Alex teased and then let out a yawn. “I‘m doing it pro bono too, so you’re
welcome. Goodnight, Brian.”
“Goodnight, Alex.”
Brian hung up the phone and let his arm hang weakly by his side as he didn’t
know what to do. He was relieved that Alex didn’t seem as alarmed at Justin’s
nightmare as he had been but it sounded like it was possible Justin was worse
off then he thought. He slowly walked to the desk and set the phone back on it.
He then glanced back to the bedroom and frowned.
‘‘Thoughts of suicide’…What’s going on in that head of yours, Sunshine?’
===============================================================================
Jason limped as he walked home from his John’s apartment. The place had been
nice – it looked new and fresh, like they’d just moved in. He had always wanted
an apartment of his own before, but he had a roof and four walls – there were
worse places to live.  He tried to focus on simply experiencing a beautiful
place like that, rather than the beating he'd received from his clients.  The
walk was long. The John lived in the more affluent part of Pittsburgh and his
little hovel was in the industrial district. He couldn’t even take a bus as
they didn’t run that late. So he walked over an hour to the abandoned steel
factory.
The others hadn’t been too reluctant to let him share their territory and he’d
been able to save up over two thousand dollars already. If he kept snatching
richer clients he may even be able to get a real place soon. He smiled just
thinking about it.
He then tripped on the curb and grimaced as his fresh wounds screamed in pain.
He reached to his side and held his tender ribs. Of course, having fancier
clients meant satisfying their whims – even when those whims tended to be
violent and painful.
When he finally got home he couldn’t wait to just lie down, sleep all night
long and then well into the morning. He typically liked to get an early spot –
it was surprising how many John’s picked him up for a mid-morning quickie – but
with the bonus he’d just made he could afford to skip the morning grabs.  He’d
let the others have their pick instead.
“Hey. I didn’t think you were coming back tonight.”  A familiar voice called
out, echoing slightly in the large, open walls of the factory.
“Oh, hey Hunter.  Yeah. They didn’t want me to spend the night so I walked
back.”  Jason explained as he turned to the other hustler and smiled weakly,
trying to hide the injuries he’d received. But he should have known Hunter
would see past his façade, the kid was observant.
“Dude, are you okay?” He asked, moving forward and grabbing Jason’s shirt to
lift it up.  “Fuck!  They beat you?!  You got to watch out for freaks like that
man.”  Jason followed as Hunter began walking him over to his bed.  They didn’t
have any medicine or bandages, so he knew Hunter wasn’t going to patch him up,
but the extra help with walking went a long way in relieving his pain.
“It’s alright. They gave me a huge fucking bonus.  Three hundred bucks.”  Jason
bragged, reaching into his pocket to pull out the wad of cash he’d been given.
“Are you crazy? Put that away!”  Hunter ordered in a whisper.  He grabbed
Jason’s hand and lowered it.  “They may let you stay here but that doesn’t mean
they won’t hesitate to rob you in a second.”  Hunter warned and glanced around
to double check that the other hustlers were asleep and couldn't see the cash.
“Sorry.” Jason said, slipping it back into his pocket.  “You’re not going to,
are you?”  He asked, suddenly nervous.
“Pft, please…” Hunter muttered and rolled his eyes.  Jason could swear he saw
the guy flip his fucking hair too.  “I can make my own money.  I’ve been doing
this so long I know all the tricks.”  He bragged and Jason just smiled a bit.
He wished he could be as confident as Hunter, but he’d only been hustling for a
few weeks. Though, he guessed he must have been doing something right because
he was making more than he was spending.
“Just lay down. You’ll feel like shit in the morning.”  Hunter warned and then
stepped away once Jason was lying on the dingy mattress on the ground.  There
wasn’t a blanket, but it was still summer and the night was warm.  Jason didn’t
want to buy one anyways, he’d save the money for when he had his own apartment
and could get a real nice one that he didn’t have to put on the ground.  “And
stay away from them next time.”
“Fuck no.” Jason shook his head.  “I don’t care how much they beat me.  I’ll
take cash like this every night.”  He could hear Hunter grow still, but he
didn’t say anything and eventually started walking away again.  Jason assumed
he disapproved, but he didn’t care.  However much Hunter may have done for him,
he knew that if push came to shove Hunter would look after himself first –
Jason would do the same.
They were hustlers, they weren’t boy scouts.
***** Chapter 7 *****
Several Days Later.
Justin covered his yawn with the back of his good hand as he shuffled from the
bedroom to the kitchen. Brian wasn’t far behind. 
It had been a rough night.
He was pretty sure he set a personal record for how many nightmares he had. He
recalled waking up six times, and he knew that there must have been times he
didn’t remember.  As usual, Brian was always there hovering above him and
shaking him awake to free him from the prison that his nightmares put him in. 
He glanced towards Brian and smiled despite his exhaustion.  Brian had held him
and comforted him all night long.
He yawned again and Brian yawned back. The man pulled out one of the high
chairs and plopped down on it like he was giving up.  Justin paused, having
planned to do the same, but wanted to give Brian something in thanks for what
he went through last night.  So, he walked around the counter and started
making coffee.
It was a long process. Not only was he struggling to think due to lack of
sleep, but he had to do it all one handed.  Still, he managed.  The coffee
began pouring into the pot and he could hear a sigh of contentment when the
smell must have reached Brian.  He turned back and smiled a little more.
The smell must have been enough to get Brian moving because just seconds later
he stood and walked to the fridge. He pulled out some eggs and vegetables to
cut up.  Justin went to stop him.  “I can cook.”  He insisted, wanting Brian to
be able to relax.
“You’re making coffee.” Was all he was offered in reply.  Thinking about it,
Justin realized he wouldn’t have been able to chop up any of the vegetables
anyways, so it was probably better that Brian did it.
When the coffee finished he got out Brian’s favorite mug, having to reach up
into the cupboard on his toes in order to grab it. He set it on the counter and
poured the coffee in.  He then took the sugar and poured in four large scoops
and handed the mug to Brian who took it with an appreciative grunt. 
They didn’t speak to each other again after that for over an hour, and yet
Justin was still content. They munched in silence and somehow found themselves
over on the couch sharing the binoculars. 
Despite the good start to the morning, he knew that Brian was about to say
something that he thought would upset him. He got this look on his face, often
during relaxing times like this, which always preceded Brian suggesting
something he didn’t want to do.  He wondered what it was this time.
“So, I have this friend.” Brian started slowly and Justin stilled and lowered
the binoculars to let him know he had his attention.  “His name is Alex
Wilder.  He’s a doctor.  A Psychiatrist.  I’ve been talking to him.  About
you.”
Justin suddenly frowned heavily. He didn’t like the idea that Brian was talking
about him to random people.  Before he could voice his protest, however, Brian
continued.
“I’ve been trying to go about this the right way, so you get what you need. And
he’s been helping me.  He’s worried about you.  And…”  Brian paused and sighed
heavily.  “He wants to talk to you.  Just on the phone.”  Brian added swiftly
before Justin could say no.
When it was clear Brian wasn’t going to add more he leaned back against the
couch a little and drew his legs out from under him. He bit his bottom lip
lightly as he thought about what Brian was saying.  He tried to ignore the fact
that he was the topic of discussion when he wasn’t around because when he
really thought about it, it was rather sweet that Brian was worried enough
about him to go to a professional. 
“Do you want me to?” He asked, hating how small is voice sounded.
There was a look that crossed Brian’s face then, but he didn’t know what it was
or why his question seemed to spark so much emotion in the man. But Brian
nodded and cleared his throat.
“Yes. I think it will be good for you.”  He said simply and Justin turned away
from him and at the binoculars on the couch between them.
He couldn’t help but think this was a bad sign. Despite how touching it was
that Brian was willing to do this, it was also a sign that the man was
beginning to lose patience.  Justin could see the Institute looming nearer and
nearer; unless he did as Brian asked.
He didn’t want to talk to a shrink – he remembered how well the last one went
and scowled. But he did want to make Brian happy.  “Okay.”  He agreed quietly,
because he couldn’t bring himself to sound more confident, he just didn’t have
it in him.
“Really? You will?!”  Brian asked excitedly.  He even moved closer to him.
Justin felt his heart flutter because he hadn’t seen Brian that excited
since before.
“If you think it’s a good idea…” He hedged, even though he had no intention of
going back on his agreement. He just wasn’t thrilled about the concept of
talking to a stranger, even a friend of Brian’s.
“I do. It’ll help.” Brian sounded confident, so Justin felt a fraction more at
ease. He smiled and nodded, then suddenly stood and went over to the small
container with his hand exercises. “Now, we slept through your morning session.
We should get started.” He said and Justin withheld a cringe.
He didn’t want to do his PT – he didn’t see the point. His hand wasn’t getting
any better and those balls weren’t going to help at all. But, Brian seemed to
be in a good mood and he didn’t want to ruin it. He reached out with his good
hand, took the container and began taking out the first set. Brian sat next to
him, so they were touching all along their sides, and helped.
When he was finished his hand was sore and he wanted to just go back to sleep
but Brian went and got the phone. He thought he would have been given more time
but apparently not. The man dialed and then Justin watched as he began talking
to this Alex guy.
When they were done greeting each other Brian glanced to Justin and gave him a
supportive smile, then he held it out.
Justin reached out with his good hand and nervously took the phone. He looked
at it for a long time and wondered if he just stared at it long enough Alex
would just hang up. He brought the phone up and awkwardly cleared his throat.
“H-Hello?” He asked, hoping that no one would answer. He wasn’t that lucky.
“Hi Justin. I’m glad you decided to talk with me.”
He tensed and shut his eyes tightly. Brian’s arm was suddenly around his
shoulder and he leaned against him. He nodded a bit and opened his mouth to try
to speak. “Y-y-yeah. Umm…Br-Brian sa-id it would b-be good-d.” He managed to
get out choppily.  It was a stranger.  He was talking to a complete stranger.
“I think he’s right. I really want to help you, Justin.”
His voice was nice – he liked it. It put him at ease a bit.
“How?” He asked simply, not trusting his voice to get out more than one
syllable without stuttering.
“Well however I can. I’ve worked with a lot of people who have been through the
same thing you have. I helped them understand their fears and overcome them. I
want you to have the same opportunity. I want you to be able to feel in control
of your life again.”
“You kn-know othe-er people l-like m-mme?” Justin wondered if any of the people
Alex had helped were as bad as him. He knew he was a wreck, he just didn’t know
how to fix it…And he didn’t want to. What was the point? He’d never be his old
self again.
“Yes. I’ve counseled people who have been attacked, even raped; people who have
barely made it out alive, just like you. Do you think you would like to work
with me, Justin? Only over the phone, until you’re ready?”
Justin hesitated because he hadn’t expected to be asked whether or not it was
okay. Brian had wanted it, and he’d agreed, so he’d assumed Alex was just going
to jump right in and start shrinking him. He liked being asked. It made him
feel safe.
He liked Alex.
“Yeah. I think that’d b-be okay.” He answered and could physically feel Brian’s
relief next to him.
“Good Justin. Thank you. How about for today you just tell me a little about
yourself? If you’d like you can ask anything about me too.”
“Anything?” Justin asked curiously. He heard a small chuckle on the other end
of the line.
“Yes, anything. There has to be complete trust between us, Justin. I won’t lie
to you, ever. I would like the same from you. If you don’t want to tell me
something, say so. Just don’t ever lie to me. Can you do that?”
“I guess.” He agreed with a weak shrug. He suddenly straightened, feeling more
at ease the longer he talked. Brian’s arm stayed wrapped around him, but he
didn’t prevent him from straightening up.
“Great. So, how old are you Justin?”
Justin blinked a little. If all the questions were like this it was going to be
easy. “Eighteen.” He answered with a steady voice for the first time since the
conversation started. “What about you?”
“I’m thirty-six.”
“You’re older than Brian.” Justin wasn’t sure why he said it, but it felt like
it was worth saying. Alex laughed.
“Yes, which knowing Brian he’s thankful for.”
Alex’s laugh made Justin crack a smile and he glanced up to Brian who could
only hear half of their conversation. “Yeah. You should have seen him when he
turned thirty.” Brian scowled a bit, but Justin could tell he wasn’t really
bothered by the reminder.
“I can imagine. Brian means a lot to you, doesn’t he?”
Justin nodded and looked down at his lap. “Yeah…He’s…He’s…I-.” Justin couldn’t
finish because Brian was everything to him. Brian was his world. Brian was the
only person he ever saw. Brian was…everything.
“You love him a lot, don’t you?”
He found himself nodding. “Yes.” He said with a smile. He loved Brian with all
that he had. Despite everything that had happened, that had never changed. “Do
you? I mean, do you love anyone?” Justin could only wonder what Brian was
thinking listening to him, but he didn’t still didn’t leave.
“I love a lot of people; my friends and my family. But I don’t love anyone the
way you love Brian. I haven’t found that person yet. But I will.”
“Oh. I’m sure you will.” Justin meant it too. If Alex could get him to like him
in the matter of a few minutes, he was sure it wouldn’t be hard to find someone
to love him.
“Well thank you, Justin. That was very kind. Now, tell me; before the attack,
what did you like to do in your spare time?”
Justin smiled nostalgically. “I liked to draw. I wanted to be an artist. But I
can’t do that anymore.” He finished as his eyes drew to the ground and his
shoulders slumped down. The hardest part of the whole thing was not being able
to draw anymore. He had always expressed himself so much better in pictures.
Now there were so many things blocked up in his head that he can’t get out.
“I bet you would like to do that again. Art is wonderful therapy too. I’m sure
you’re working hard on your PT in order to get that back.”
Justin could tell by his voice that he knew more than he was saying. Brian had
already admitted to talking to him, and no doubt he had said that he wasn’t
willingly doing his therapy. “No one would want to see what I want to draw.” He
answered instead and once again Brian tensed.
“I doubt that. Besides, you never know until you try, right? But we can move
on.”
And they did. Justin talked to him for an hour about nothing having to really
do about his attack. In fact, he noticed that as soon as something got close to
touching the attack, Alex would change the subject and ask him a new question.
He told Alex about his family and what his life was like growing up. He talked
about his father and meeting Brian. He talked about his likes and dislikes and
spent a great deal of time talking about what he saw outside the window. He
told Alex all about Harold Hill and Ward and June Cleaver. He never asked about
the middle apartment and the two men, but Justin didn’t know if that was
because he didn’t know, or because he didn’t want to ask and disrupt their back
and forth. In any case, Justin was glad because even though he’d been dreaming,
it had still bothered him to think he saw someone get murdered like that.
After some time, Alex stopped asking the questions and his voice changed. “Hey,
Justin, I want to ask you to do something for me. Is that okay?”
Feeling relaxed, Justin found himself nodding. He wanted to make Alex happy so
he’d probably agree to most anything. “Yeah.”
“Whenever you have a nightmare, I want you to write it down. Then, the next
time we talk, we can discuss some of them. Only the ones you’re comfortable
with sharing. Think you can do that?”
Justin smiled a bit; he’d been afraid that Alex would ask to meet him in
person.  “Yeah. I can do that.”
“Good, thank you, Justin. Can you hand the phone to Brian now?” Justin nodded
and obeyed, surprised at how good he felt. He had assumed the Alex would want
to just jump right in and try to fix him in one go, but that wasn’t the case.
In fact, he wouldn’t mind talking to him again.
He didn’t pay much attention to what Brian was saying to Alex, but he heard his
name muffled on the other end of the line and Brian would look at him from time
to time. He wasn’t surprised. He knew they were talking about him.
When Brian was done he put the phone back on the stand and then walked over to
him. Justin found himself immediately in an embrace so he smiled and hugged
Brian back.
Maybe that Institute wasn’t so close after all.
===============================================================================
Jason shifted his weight from one foot to the other as he waited nervously on
the side walk. A few of the other hustlers were nearby, Hunter included, and he
wondered if he should go and get a different spot. They had said they didn’t
mind him there, but he wanted a chance to get some clients of his own. Already
two others had been picked up and he’d been passed over. Still…his John hadn’t
told him to come back yet, so he needed to find some other clients.
He was still debating whether or not to stay or go when the familiar black SUV
pulled up. A few of the others started moving towards it, but Jason didn’t give
them a chance. He jogged forward to hop inside without even waiting to be
asked, but a hand on his arm stopped him. He turned to Hunter who looked
concerned. “Isn’t that the car of those two dudes who beat you up last week?”
He asked and Jason nodded, but shrugged.
“Yeah but I’m fine now. I can handle another go.” He assured and tried to move
again, motioning to them that he was coming so they didn’t take someone else.
“You should stay away from them. You don’t know what they’re capable of.”
Hunter sounded a bit more insistent, but Jason just waved him off.
“I’ll be fine, man. Thanks though. See ya later.” He said with an assured smirk
before jumping into the van. It sped away without a moment’s notice and he only
had enough time to glance out the window and see Hunter’s worried expression
before they drove away.
The drive to the apartment took some time as they were across town from it, but
Jason spent it mentally preparing for the night ahead. When the finally did
arrive, he smiled as he walked back into the fancy apartment. It was only his
second time there, but he was already familiar with it. The two men had fucked
him over nearly every surface last week and he got a good look at everything.
And even though he knew he was probably going to be in for a rough night, he
was prepared with the knowledge that he’d have a huge wad of cash afterwards.
Neither of the men spoke to him other than to tell him where to go and get
ready. He didn’t care – he didn’t need to talk to them to get the job done.
He’d bend over, get fucked and hit, and go home just like last time. And one
day soon he’d get his own place with his own things and a real job. It would be
a giant ‘Fuck You’ to his family - thanks to these two men.
He stripped down and got on the bed as they ordered and soon he was joined by
them. They had ropes this time and he consented to be tied up. He was a bit
surprised when one went around his neck, but said nothing. He shifted slightly,
trying to loosen the ties just a bit, but found they were only tightened once
more. Deciding it wasn’t worth losing out on the giant bonus coming his way, he
remained still even as he felt his fingers and toes going numb.
By the time he realized something was wrong it was too late.
His vision was going dark and he was struggling to breath. He tried to tell
them that the rope around his neck was too tight, but they were already fucking
him and he could barely get out any words through his constricted throat. He
tried to struggle, but the bonds were too tight.
And then, he slipped away…
 
***** Chapter 8 *****
“NO!!!” Justin screamed as he lurched awake from a nightmare. He was panting,
sweating, and his eyes were darting around the room as he tried to find his
attacker. Suddenly, hands were on him so he struggled to break free and fight
back.
“Calm down, it’s me…Shhh…”
Thank god.  Brian.
He stilled and leaned into Brian’s strong, waiting arms. He bit his bottom lip
and shut his eyes tightly, trying to keep the tears at bay, but they fell
regardless. He didn’t sob, which he honestly considered a small victory, but he
silently cried in Brian’s arms. He wiped at the tears as they fell, and found
that only using one hand was almost useless as they seemed to stream from his
eyes like a fountain.  So, he resorted to using his crippled one, but it was
still curled up in a tight ball.
“I want them to stop…” Justin murmured after he was able to calm down some. He
could feel Brian nod above him.
“I know. Me too.” Brian’s voice sounded tired and Justin looked up to see that
he was struggling to stay awake. He nervously cleared his throat.
“I should write in that dream journal thing Alex said to do.” He said, wanting
to give Brian an opening to go back to sleep.
“Yeah, okay. Take your time. Call me if you need something.” Brian said but
only laid down when Justin pushed him back onto the bed. Brian flashed him a
bit of a smile. “You don’t have to take care of me, Sunshine.”
“I know.” Was all Justin could think to say in return. Brian spent so much time
worrying about him and taking care of him that he felt he deserved a little
attention himself. “I’ll go write it down.” He said before moving to slide off
of the bed. He paused, however, and slid back in order to offer Brian a soft,
chaste kiss on the lips. Then he left the bed, grabbing his notebook as he
went.
He walked to the couch because he imagined having to re-live his nightmare was
going to be hard and he wanted to be in a place that made him happy. Before
starting, he glanced out the windows to the apartments on the other side. He
grabbed up the binoculars to see if any of them were still up. He first peered
through the Cleaver’s apartment but it was empty. Confused, he moved over to
Harold Hill’s to see if June was over with him.
He chuckled as he saw Ward screaming at Harold while June watched. “Looks like
he found out. Hypocrite…” He muttered, wondering why the man could be upset
when he was having an affair of his own. He shook his head, not interested in
watching their relationship end, and turned instead to the middle apartment.
He then gasped and stood up straight.
Fully awake this time, he watched as the two men moved a limp body onto the
floor and wrapped it up in a rug. “Oh my god…Oh fuck. Fuck. Brian!” He called
out, not tearing his eyes away from the window for fear that he would lose
sight of whatever they decided to do. “Brian!!” He called when he was not
immediately answered.
“What is it Justin?” Was Brian’s sleepy response.
“Come here!” He was waving his balled up, gimp hand trying to get him to move
faster. Even as he watched they picked up the rug and began moving it out of
the apartment. “Brian hurry!!”
“Justin…what the fuck is going on?”
Justin could hear him only start to get out of bed and knew he wasn’t going
fast enough. He grunted in frustration and dropped the binoculars. He ran to
the bedroom, grabbed Brian, and dragged him back to the window. “I saw it! They
were hiding a body! He was limp and had these marks all over him! I saw it
Brian!”
“Not this again…” Brian rubbed his hand over his forehead and shook his head.
“Justin, it’s nothing. It’s just a sex game. We did it ourselves once,
remember? I tied you up and-.”
“No!!” Justin actually slammed his foot down. He grabbed the binoculars and
forced them into Brian’s hands. “I remember, but that’s not what I saw. He was
dead! I know it! He was pale and dead and they wrapped him up like they do in
movies and they’re carrying him out! Hurry!”
Brian sighed and turned, making it very obvious that he was just humoring
Justin. After looking through the window for a moment he began shaking his
head. “There’s nothing going on. The light is off.  Again.”
“No! They already left! We have to call the police to stop them.” Justin
started going for the phone but Brian reached out and looped an arm around his
middle, stopping him in his tracks.
“Justin, stop. Listen to me, it wasn’t real. This is just like last time. It
was…It was in your head.” Justin struggled, determined to call the police, but
Brian’s hold was firm and strong.
“It wasn’t like last week. I was sleepy then and you’re right it wasn’t real.
But it was real this time. I saw it, Brian. I know what I saw. Please…Please
believe me. They killed someone. They did.” Justin spoke as imploringly as he
could, looking right up into Brian’s eyes. He knew what he saw and he was
determined to make Brian believe him.
Brian looked down at him for a long time, and then turned and grabbed the
phone. Justin felt relief fill him and he returned to the window to see if he
could see anything else happening.
“Justin, you realize that they are going to come here, right? Into the loft?”
Brian reminded and Justin paused, because he hadn’t considered that. He
stiffened and his first instinct was to ask Brian to call them back and tell
them not to come.
But someone had just been murdered…Surely that was more important than his
fears?
===============================================================================
Brian knew this was a bad idea. He suspected this was another nightmare, but
the look in Justin’s eyes seemed so…sure. He was inclined to believe him. That,
and he didn’t want to think that Justin’s grasp on reality was slipping. So,
after Justin was tucked away in the bedroom in preparation for the police’s
arrival, he called up Alex.
“This isn’t going to start becoming a habit is it?” He asked in a tired voice.
“Get over here. Now.” Brian ordered, keeping his voice low.
“Brian? What’s going on? I don’t think it’d be a good idea for me to just show
up. I promised Justin-.”
“Now.” Brian said again before hanging up the phone and putting it back on the
stand. He shut his eyes and ran a hand through his hair before going to the
bedroom to put on some clothes. He glanced by the window as he walked by, but
even without the binoculars he could see the lights were still off.  There was
no movement, and no sign that anything nefarious was going on.  He turned away
swiftly before he could convince himself that this was all just an illusion.
He walked up the stairs and dressed quickly, looking at Justin who was kneeling
on the bed.  He looked apprehensive and was staring at the loft door intently.
He could only imagine what was going through the boy’s mind. As horrible as the
thought of a murder was, he wanted to believe him when he said it had real. He
didn’t want to consider what it would mean if it wasn’t.
Soon after, there was a knock on the door and Justin immediately tensed and
covered his face with his hands as if he was a child and the police couldn’t
see him if he couldn’t see them. “Stay calm, Justin. Okay? These are police
officers. They aren’t going to hurt you. And I’m right here.” Brian reassured
and after a shaky nod from Justin, he left the bedroom to go let them in.
When Brian slid the metal door open he was faced with two rather large men in
cheap suits and even cheaper cologne; he immediately scowled in distaste. “Come
on in.” Brian said, stepping aside to let them in.
“I’m Detective Carl Horvath. This is my partner, Detective Richard Wells.” The
shorter and stockier of the two said and Brian nodded a bit.
“Brian Kinney. Aren’t you supposed to go over there first?” He asked, pointing
his thumb towards the window.
“We needed more information. You didn’t give us an address.” Richard pointed
out and Brian nodded slowly.
“Oh yeah. Well, I don’t know the apartment number. But I can point it out to
you. Here.” He said and started walking to the window.
“Were you the one who witnessed the incident?” Carl asked and Brian paused and
stiffened. He briefly considered lying and saying he was in order to save
Justin from having to talk to them. But he couldn’t bring himself to lie about
something so important.
“No. It was Justin my…My partner. He’s in there. He’s pretty shaken up though.
Can’t I just tell you where-.” Brian had to stop because they’d already turned
to go up into the bedroom where Justin remained huddled on the bed. “Hey,
wait!” Brian demanded as he ran past them and jumped up the stairs. “Slow down
he’s…” Brian paused because the detectives were giving him a strange look. He
didn’t want to just say that Justin wasn’t stable, because he wanted to give
the investigation a fair chance. But he had to warn them somehow that their
presence was going to set off a reaction in the boy.
Before he had a chance to explain, Richard moved forward. “Son, can you tell us
what you saw please?” He asked in a calm voice, but it didn’t matter because
Justin had his ears covered and his eyes shut tight. “What’s going on?” He
continued, glancing to Brian for an explanation.
“He was attacked a few months ago. He has a…thing with people being in the
loft.” Brian explained, knowing that this was going to end badly.
Brian watched them exchange a glance and knew it didn’t bode well. “He saw it.
He sits at the window to watch people. It calms him down.” Brian explained
because he may not believe Justin, but fuck these cops if they were going to
judge his boy just because he has a problem with people. Surprisingly, his
explanation seemed to work because Carl stepped back as if to give Justin
space.  But it didn’t help.
Brian could see the first signs and moved to the bed in order to stop the
panic-attack that he knew was coming, but he couldn’t. Justin went into a full-
blown meltdown.  He was torn between going to comfort Justin and berating
himself for letting this happen in the first place.  But Justin had seemed so
sure of himself.  He had wanted to believe him.
“What’s going on?”  Alex’s voice pipped up from behind him before he could
decide on what to do to solve the problem. 
Brian and the detectives turned swiftly.  Carl walked up to Alex with a frown
on his face.
“Who are you?”  He demanded and Brian scowled, his tone wasn’t helping Justin
calm down any.
“Alex Wilder.  I’m Justin’s psychologist.”  He said, smoothly reaching into his
wallet and pulling out his card.  “Who are you?”  He asked just as arrogantly
despite his rumpled appearance.
“We’re with Homicide.”  Carl said, flipping his badge and Alex’s eyes grew
wide.
“Homicide?  What?!”  Alex looked to Brian for explanation, but Brian was at a
loss of what to do anymore.  He shrugged weakly and shook his head.  He ran a
hand over his face and slumped onto the bed to hold Justin.  That was all he
could do.
“This young man said he witnessed a murder across the street.”  Carl said and
Alex tilted his head a bit and glanced to the window.
Alex shook his head slowly and then turned to Brian with a look of
disapproval.  “You shouldn’t have called the police, Brian.”  He chastised
lightly.
“He said he saw it, Alex.  He was wide awake and…” Brian trailed off slowly. 
He tightened his hold on Justin who had thankfully stopped howling, but was
still crying profusely into his shirt.
“This boy isn’t stable.”  Carl said, not without sympathy in his voice.  Still,
he was frowning and Brian didn’t like the look he flashed Justin as he began
packing his things up.  “You’re saying he made this up?”  He asked Alex and the
doctor nodded.
“It wouldn’t be the first time.”  He said honestly.
“No…”  Justin suddenly spoke, and Brian felt his head shaking back and forth
viciously.  “I saw it…Saw it…Know I saw it…”
“Shhhh…”  Brian urged as he pulled Justin’s head in against his chest and tried
rocking him back and forth.
Carl and Robert both sighed heavily.  “This is clearly a false alarm.  Please
don’t call us like this again.  We don’t have time to waste.”  He and Robert
then swiftly left leaving Brian to look helplessly at Alex.
“He said he saw it.”  He offered but Alex just shook his head.
“It’s real to him, Brian.  But you can’t-.”
“It WAS real!”  Justin shouted as he broke free of Brian’s hold.  He seemed to
be a bit calmer now that the police were gone, but Brian noticed that Justin
positioned him between himself and Alex.  “I saw it!  I saw it!  He had red
rings around his arms and legs and neck and he was pale and they were moving
him around like a rag doll!”
“Justin-.”  Brian reached out to try and calm him again but Justin roughly
pushed him away.  Brian stumbled off the step of the bed and held his hands up
to give Justin the room he clearly desired.  However, he made sure he was still
between Justin and Alex.
“I’m not crazy!  I’m not.  I know what I saw!  It was real!  It was.  I know
it.  I know it.  But you don’t believe me!  Why don’t you believe me?!”  Justin
slammed his hands onto the bed and Brian was grateful he wasn’t on the floor
because his hand had taken enough abuse and didn’t need any more added to it. 
Brian watched helplessly as Justin continued insisting that he wasn’t crazy. 
Normally Justin wanted him to hold during episodes like this, but he’d made it
clear that he wasn’t wanted, so he didn’t know what to do with himself.  He was
once again a bystander…Once again helpless.
It made a hard knot form in his stomach as he watched his partner scream and
scream until he fell asleep. 
The silence was eerie and in his mind he could still hear an echo of Justin’s
screams.  ‘I’m not crazy.  I’m not crazy.’ 
Was he though…?
Brian didn’t know what to think anymore.  He recalled the look in Justin’s eyes
before as he pleaded with Brian to believe him.  He had seemed normal – he
didn’t look wild-eyed or insane.  He didn’t even look tired like he had the
last time he thought something had happened.  He seemed almost like his old
self again.
“Brian…”  Alex said suddenly and Brian jumped, the sudden voice in the silence
setting him on alert.  He turned slowly, not wanting to look away from Justin’s
troubled and sleeping form.  Alex jerked his head to the side and he followed
the man to the living room.  Though he doubted that they could wake Justin no
matter how loudly they spoke after how much screaming he just did.
They came to sit on the couch and Brian ended up slumped with his elbows on his
knees.  Alex shifted a few times, trying to find a comfortable spot.  Brian
suspected it was because the cushion had morphed due to Justin’s knees being
dug into it all day.  Eventually the doctor settled and looked towards him.
“Brian…Justin is worse than I thought.”  Alex said gently, very obviously
trying to keep his voice even.
He closed his eyes because somehow he knew that was what Alex was going to say,
but it still hurt to hear.  His stomach rolled and his chest constricted. 
“I know.”  Brian answered as he slowly leaned back against the couch and let
his head rest on the top of the cushion.  His hands flopped to his side
uselessly.  He didn’t know what to do, or think, or say. 
Had it only been in Justin’s head?  Is it something he could fix?  Is it
something anyone could fix? 
“I think he needs to…”  Alex sighed sadly.  “I’m sorry but he needs
supervision, Brian.  With these kinds of hallucinations he could be a danger to
himself.”
“I’m here to watch him all the time.”  Brian defended immediately.  He knew
Alex was right, and it would be best to send Justin somewhere with people who
knew what they were doing.  But…He couldn’t.  He couldn’t send him away.  The
very idea seemed preposterous.
“But how long can you do that, Brian?  What about your job?  Or your friends? 
Or your social life?  You can’t watch him all of the time.  As cold as it
sounds to him, you have your own life to live.”  Alex said, shifting so he was
looking more directly at Brian.
“None of that matters.”  Brian waved a hand dismissively, fully meaning what he
said.  He was the reason Justin was attacked, that meant it was his job to get
him well again and nothing else mattered.  Nothing.  If it weren’t for him
Justin would still be the smiling, happy boy he was when they first met.
“But it does.  I’m not saying that you have to cut him out of your life.  God
knows the kid loves you.  I can just see that it isn’t working like this.  I…If
it were someone else, I would call the state.  Because you’re a friend I
won’t.  But I have to ask you to think about other options here; for your sake
and for his.” Alex finished imploringly and then stood. “I am going to go.
Think about what I said. And call me if you need me.”
Brian nodded, but didn’t stand to see him out. He was still trying to process
everything that was happening. He vaguely felt Alex’s hand on his shoulder
before the doctor walked out of the loft, closing the door behind him. Brian
sat there on the couch all night, wondering if Alex was right and Justin was
better off in some sort of institution.
===============================================================================
As Carl left the apartment building his eyes trailed over to the one directly
across the street. He couldn’t help but feel that he wasn’t performing his job
to the fullest if he brushed off such an accusation, no matter how unstable the
accuser might be. He was stared at it for some time before Robert jostled his
shoulder.
“Come on. You saw that kid, he wasn’t right in the head.” His partner said and
Carl nodded, but kept his eyes on the building.
He agreed; the boy, Justin, clearly had some issues. But even crazy people
could be sane sometimes. And he seemed so upset about something…His heart went
out to the kid. It must be hard to live like that – he didn’t think he could do
it.
Had he known exactly what apartment to go check out, Carl might have actually
gone over there. But his partner wanted to get back to the station, and all he
had to go on was the word of a crazy person. So, he got back in the car and
drove away.
 
***** Chapter 9 *****
The next morning Justin determinedly split his time between staring at the
apartment, and futilely trying to use his left hand to sketch an image of the
three people – the two murderers and the hustler. Though he was ambidextrous,
his right hand had always been the one he used to draw, so the images were
coming out a little off-balance and jerky.  Still, he figured they were pretty
good, and definitely recognizable images.
It was a long process as every few seconds he’d raise his gaze to see if he
could find any movement in the other apartment, but it had been empty all day.
And that was the most frightening bit.  It seemed that at some point in the
night the two men had gone back in and taken all of their things.  It made
Justin certain that he had in fact witnessed a murder last night and he wasn’t
crazy.
He would still have to convince Brian and the police of that, though.
Justin scowled as he turned down to the page once more, trying to add some
shading under the hustler’s chin to show the cleft that he had, but his
untrained hand pushed too hard and it came out more as a solid line. He tried
to use his pinky to shade it out, but had to resort to erasing it and trying
again.
He heard movement coming from the bedroom, but he didn’t turn from his task.
Even when he heard Brian very slowly and tentatively move closer to him.  He
seemed to be hyper-aware of the man, but nothing could distract him from his
task.  If no one was going to help him, he’d help himself.
“Have you been up for long?” Brian asked him, coming to sit on the couch. 
Justin lifted the pencil so the slight jostling didn’t disrupt the drawing;
he’d put too much work into it to mess up again.  He didn’t answer him, as he
was too focused and slightly angry at him. 
Brian had acted like he believed him, but then the second someone else came
around Brian turned on him in an instant. But that was fine.  If Brian didn’t
believe him he’d just have to figure out a way to solve this on his own…without
leaving the loft, and without talking to anyone.  He was sure he’d figure it
out – he had scored a 1500 on his SATs after all, he was smart enough to do
this.
“What so you’re ignoring me now?” Brian asked, moving closer and Justin
tightened his frown and bent his head closer to the page.  “Justin…”
He felt Brian’s hand on his knee and he sighed. Apparently he wasn’t going to
be left alone despite how clearly he was sending his message.  Silently, he
looked up and locked eyes with Brian, letting his disappointment shine.  “I
know what I saw.”  Justin stated clearly before turning back down to his
sketchbook and continuing his work.
“I believe that you think you saw it-.”
“Why’d you call the police if you didn’t believe me? You did, until they came. 
Then all of a sudden I’m just the crazy kid who makes things up in his head.” 
Justin muttered angrily, then silently cursed as his anger made him mark up the
page.  He went about erasing it, hoping it wasn’t too obvious.  “They moved out
last night.”  He added smugly.
“What?”
Out of the corner of his eye he could see Brian sit up straighter and look at
him.
“They moved out. Took all their things and just disappeared.  Seems pretty
strange if you ask me.”  Justin muttered, trying to hide a smirk, but he knew
he didn’t succeed.  He stopped sketching when Brian turned around on the couch
and grabbed the binoculars that were sitting on the windowsill.  He watched him
peer through the window and then leaned back when he obviously saw that Justin
was telling the truth.
“That is strange.” He agreed slowly and sat back against the couch the right
way.
Justin decided that maybe he’d been a bit harsh on Brian – the man had dropped
everything for him, after all. He set the sketch book aside and inched closer. 
“I’m not crazy, Brian.”  He stated very clearly.  Brian looked at him for a
long time and then nodded.
“I didn’t say you were.” He said and then reached for the sketchbook himself. 
He flipped it open to the images of the three men and his finger hovered over
their faces.  Justin then watched as Brian stood suddenly and moved over to the
desk where he made a few copies of the sketches.  Justin frowned slightly
because he wasn’t done with them, but he said nothing.  They were probably as
good as they were going to get anyways.  He had to remind himself that he
wasn’t going to be up to his regular standards and he should just take what he
could get.
“What are you going to do?” He asked as Brian took the copies and walked back
to give him back his book.
“If we want the cops to believe there was a murder, we have to first find a
body. We need to figure out who that hustler was and if he’s still missing.” 
Brian walked to the bedroom and started to change. Justin watched him and then
suddenly stood.
“Hey. So you believe me again?” He asked and watched Brian sigh and slump his
shoulders in the bedroom.
“Justin…” Brian spoke in that tone that he used to use before. That tone that
said he was on thin ice and he didn’t want to continue the conversation. But
that was before, and this was now. He’d just watched someone die and he didn’t
care if Brian didn’t want to talk about it.
“Tell me.” He demanded, walking up to the bedroom himself. He walked in front
of Brian and tried to reach into whatever was left of the ‘Old Justin’. He
stood straight with his hands on his hips. Though his right was curled up in a
painful ball, he still thought he looked somewhat imposing. “Do you think I’m
crazy or not?”
“No. I don’t. I think you’re right, okay?” Brian said and then brushed by him
to the closet where he began to change.
Justin nodded once, vindicated, and then sat down on the edge of the bed as he
watched.   “What are you going to do?”
“Hit a few spots where hustlers tend to gather. Show them the picture and see
if any of them know the guy.” He said as he slid on a pair of jeans. Justin
nodded a few times, wishing he could help, but not knowing how. He supposed he
did draw the picture, and that had to count for something, but part of him
itched to go out with Brian.
And then he nearly gasped because that was the first time since the attack that
he had any desire to leave the loft and go outside. He couldn’t – he knew that
– but he still felt it was significant that part of him wanted to.
Brian was walking by and seemed to notice the look on his face. Without even
asking he approached him and put his hands on his shoulders. “I’ll take care of
it. Don’t worry.” He assured and pressed a kiss on the bridge of Justin’s nose.
“Okay…” Justin answered and then watched as Brian collected the rest of his
things and left.
===============================================================================
Several hours later and Brian was beginning to feel discouraged.  He’d gone to
almost every spot where he knew hustlers gathered but none of them had
recognized any of the people in Justin’s drawing.  He knew Pittsburgh was a big
city, but the gay community, especially the hustler community, was much
smaller.
He almost wanted to tear up the paper he carried around with him out of
frustration.  Someone had to recognize him in the entire city, he wasn’t no
one.  If only he could get a name and someone to verify that he was in fact
missing.  Then, he might not be able to convince the police of a murder, but he
could at least start a missing person case and that was better than nothing.
He was driving back to the loft and wondering how to give Justin the bad news
when a thought struck him.  He could stop by the other building and speak with
Harold and the Cleavers.  They had to know something.  Sure, the two men had
been there for only a short time, but they had to have seen something and maybe
even gotten their names.
So, he pulled into his spot, jogged across the street and up the stairs.  He
had been looking across the street so often that he didn’t need to know their
apartment numbers to know who lived where.  He simply counted their position
from the outside of the building and stopped when he came to the Cleavers.
He glanced down at the sketch once more and then at the door.  He could hear
arguing inside and shook his head.  It reminded him of his parents and why
marriage was a complete crock of shit.  He knocked loudly to be heard and the
shouting immediately stopped.  He rolled his eyes and waited a few seconds for
the door to swing open.  Ward had opened it, but Brian could hear June in the
background crying softly.  He didn’t have much sympathy for her; she was having
her own affair and whatever pain she was going through she probably deserved.
“What do you want?”  Ward asked abruptly and Brian got straight to the point by
holding up the copy of the sketch.
“I’m looking for this kid.  He was last seen with these two men who live next
door to you.  Do you know anything that might help?”  He asked and the man
scrunched up his once-broken nose in disgust.
“You mean those two fags?  Disgusting…”  He muttered and went to shut the door
on Brian.  However, Brian was not so easily gotten rid of – he’d learned from
Justin how to be a persistent little shit.  He stuck his foot in the door and
pressed the paper near the man’s face.
“Please.  We think he’s been killed.  Can you at least tell me their names?” 
He asked and Ward shook his head
“Good riddance.”  He spitefully ground through his teeth before shoving Brian
out the door and slamming it shut.
Brian glared a bit and shook his head.  “Well I’m glad your wife is fucking
someone else!”  He said, loudly enough to be heard through the door.  He shook
his head and turned to walk two doors down to Harold’s apartment. He paused
outside the middle door, wondering what had gone in there last night.
It seemed like such a whirlwind to think about. So much had happened in so
short a time. Part of him still doubted that what Justin saw really happened.
But a much larger part did believe him. Why else would those two men pick up
and move everything in the middle of the night?
More importantly, despite Alex’s warning, he couldn’t accept that Justin had
been permanently harmed and needed constant supervision. He had to believe that
one day the boy would be better and their lives would go back to normal.  He
missed the old Justin – as annoying as he was, he had really grown on him.
He walked on and arrived at Harold’s door. He gave three strong knocks and
waited. There was no screaming behind this door, but he’d seen Harold enough
times to know that June was the only other person he saw. He didn’t know who he
felt worse for, Harold or the Cleavers.
Harold opened the door and looked at Brian with confusion. “Can I help you?” He
asked, far kinder than Ward had been.
“I’m looking for someone. He was last seen with the two people who lived next
door.” Brian explained as he held up the sketch.
Harold took it and looked down at the drawing. “I saw him once, but I don’t
know his name.” He said honestly and Brian frowned, even if that had been the
answer he had suspected.
“Is there anything you can remember? Did you hear him say anything?” Brian
asked, but Harold shook his head.
“No. Sorry. I was leaving as they got in one night. That was all I saw.” He
answered and offered the piece of paper back to Brian. “Sorry.” He added before
he turned into his apartment again.
Brian slumped a little as the door shut quietly. He turned and slowly walked
back to the loft wondering what he could do or say now. They had nothing. No
leads, no body, not even a name. How could no one know who that hustler was? He
had to be someone.
He rode up the elevator to the loft and slid open the door to see Justin at the
window, eyes trained across the street. “How did it go?” He asked and Brian
shut and locked the door. He set the paper down on the counter and walked over
to Justin.
“Not good. No one knows this guy. If the hustlers did know him, they weren’t
talking.” He added as he collapsed onto the cushion next to Justin. He leaned
his head back and looked up at the ceiling with a frown. “This doesn’t bode
well, Sunshine. If we can’t even get someone to give us a name the cops won’t
do a goddamn thing.” He said as he turned his head slightly to look at Justin.
Justin shifted so he was kneeling towards him and put his hand on his shoulder.
“I know it happened, Brian.”
He knew it was important that Justin continued to insist he was sane and what
he had witnessed had actually happened. Justin, like Alex had theorized, needed
his approval. The boy hadn’t cared if Alex or the cops thought he was crazy
beyond the fact that the murder would go overlooked. But with him,
Justin needed him to know.
He looked into Justin’s clear blue eyes, struck by their stark beauty and
clarity.
“I believe you.” He answered, raising a hand to cup Justin’s face. “We’ll
figure this out. I promise.”
If Justin needed his approval, he had it. He let the boy down once, and he’d
die before he let it happen again.
===============================================================================
Hunter had seen that sleek, black SUV again today, but there had been no sign
of Jason anywhere. He had never come back to the warehouse last night and that
had never happened in the near month that Jason had been living there.  Even
when the guy had been beaten black and blue he managed to make it home.  So,
Hunter feared the worst.
He didn’t even want to think about what could have happened to him, but he
wasn’t going to take his chances. He was getting the hell out of there.
It had taken him all of five minutes to pack up his meager belongings. They all
fit in a single backpack, with a few bundles of cash strategically hidden in
different parts of his body.  It had only taken one mugging for him to learn
not to keep it all in the same place.  He didn’t say goodbye to anyone, though
had Jason been there he probably would have tried to convince him to come
along.  The others, though, were just as selfish as he was and he didn’t owe
them a thing.  He had himself to look after.
So, around the middle of the day when he should have been out looking for
Johns, he was strolling the streets out of the industrial area. First he moved
closer to Liberty Ave.  That was a prime location and one he’d always been a
bit jealous of.  But the hustlers that already worked in that area were
fiercely protective of their spot – understandably so.  Hunter barely got on
the street before receiving threatening looks from the others.  He decided to
keep moving before they tried to force him to leave.
He stopped for a quick lunch at a small diner he’d been to a few times before.
The waitress was boisterous and loud, but she was pretty cool, he had to
admit.  Seeming to sense that he was hungry, she gave him an extra order of
fries for free and offered him kind smile the entire time he was there.  She
seemed like she’d be a good mom, but he wouldn’t have any idea what that was
like himself.  When he was done eating he carried on out of the area.
He tried most of the other commonly frequented spots in Pittsburgh, but no one
would welcome him in. Hunter was beginning to get frustrated.  At least in the
industrial district newcomers were welcome, but he’d forgotten how everyone
else in the city seemed to claim ownership over every strip of sidewalk.  He
was started to wonder if he just might be better off by going back and keeping
an open eye for those two men.
Then he started getting closer to the multiple colleges in the city and the
hustlers seemed to disappear. It wasn’t a desirable area because most everyone
there were poor, horny, students who didn’t need to pay anyone for sex.  But
Hunter would rather take his chances here than go back and disappear like
Jason.
***** Chapter 10 *****
The Next Day.
Surprisingly, Brian had experience breaking into places.  As a teenager he had
often broken into the school early in order to escape his toxic home life.  It
was one of the reasons he was able to maintain such good grades.  He’d come in
early and wouldn’t leave until they kicked him out late in the evening.
So, he wasn’t completely helpless as he approached the apartment across the
street.  In his hands he held a small set of tools that he’d borrowed from an
acquaintance and he glanced up and down the hallway to make sure it was clear. 
He then knelt down in front of the handle and went to work. 
He knew that breaking in wasn’t the best idea, but he believed Justin and
needed to get evidence for the police to take them seriously.  How else was he
supposed to do that without going to the scene of the crime?  He took out his
set of tools, slipped them into the keyhole, and began working the picks
around.  It had been a long time since he’d put this skill to use, so it took
him some time to get the feel for it again.
He cast another worried glance up and down the hallway before bending his head
to continue.  He finally heard the lock click into place after toying with it
for nearly five minutes.  He then pushed the door open and stood back up to his
feet.  He slid inside carefully, hugging his back to the wall, and then shut
the door behind him. 
Brian looked around the apartment in an almost surreal sense.  He’d been
peering in here for a few weeks now, but it felt like an entirely new place now
that he was actually inside.  He walked over to the window and looked across
the street to the loft where he could see Justin anxiously looking out the
window at him.  He offered the boy a wave to let him know he was alright, and
waited until he waved back before turning to face the apartment again.
Brian moved towards the kitchen and began looking around.  Almost all of the
furniture was gone but a table and some chairs remained, as well as some plates
and dishes.  They didn’t look like they were worth much so that must have been
why they were left behind.  He opened up some cupboards, looking for anything
that might give him some hints, even their names.
After coming up empty handed in the kitchen he walked back across the open
living room to the bedroom.  There was still a bed in there, but it was bare of
sheets or pillows.  It was merely a mattress lying on a poor set of metal
frames. 
He bent down and looked under the bed, but he couldn’t find anything
underneath.  Absolutely nothing…which was odd.  There wasn’t even dust.  He ran
his hand underneath the wood floor and pulled it back to see his fingers were
clean.  They must have meticulously cleaned it. 
He stood back up and rubbed his fingers against his pants to get rid of the
imaginary dust.  He then looked in the closet but couldn’t find anything in
there either.  No dust to be seen.  Brian opened the bathrooms and the spare
room, but could find absolutely nothing.  He shook his head slowly and
frowned.  He was going to go back to the kitchen but felt his phone buzzing in
his pocket.
He languidly pulled it out, not surprised to see it was Justin who was
calling.  “I haven’t found anythi-.”
“They’re coming up!  They’re coming up to the apartment!”  Justin exclaimed on
the other side and Brian’s heart stopped beating.
“Fuck!”  He exclaimed before snapping the phone shut and moving swiftly for the
door.  He turned the lock on the handle and shut the door behind him.  He then
tried to walk as calmly as possible but he could hear people moving towards him
and it made him start to panic.  He kept his face blank and purposefully kept
his stride slow and even.
He passed them as he walked down the stairs.  They didn’t even acknowledge him,
but Brian felt his entire body tense knowing he was walking by two men who had
just killed somebody.  He kept walking as calmly as he could until there was an
entire flight of stairs between them, and then he ran out of the building and
back across the street.
He didn’t stop until he was back up the four flights of stairs and in the
loft.  He slid the door shut behind him and quickly locked it up.  Not a second
later Justin collided into him and clung onto him so tightly his chest ached. 
“Hey…hey hey…I’m alright.”  He said, holding onto Justin securely and rubbing
his back.
“I saw them coming up and I thought they’d kill you and-.”
“Shhh…”  Brian urged, sensing Justin was near hysteria.  He put his hand over
his head and ran his fingers through Justin’s hair.  “I’m alright.  They didn’t
even look at me.”  He assured and could feel Justin quivering in his arms. 
“Can’t lose you…Can’t lose you…”  Justin murmured over and over into his
shirt.  Brian pulled back a few inches and then bent a bit so he was even with
Justin and look into his eyes.  He cupped Justin’s face in his hands and looked
at him very seriously.
“You need to calm down.”  He said very evenly, hoping his calm rubbed off on
Justin to stop him from hyperventilating.  Justin’s breaths were jerky, but he
started to slow down so Brian knew he was getting through to him.  Brian took
in deep breaths as well to help him get into a rhythm and then smiled once he
seemed to settle for good.  “There you go.”  He said softly and kissed his
forehead.  “You good?”  He asked and Justin nodded again, offering a shaky
smile.
“Good.  I’m going to head out again.  They cleaned everything, Sunshine.  Every
inch of that apartment was scrubbed clean and that’s just not normal.”  Brian
said, moving back to the desk to pick up some more of the copies he’d made of
Justin’s sketches.
“You mean like…covering it up?”  Justin asked slowly as he moved over as well,
as if he was nervous being only a few feet from him.
Brian nodded quickly as he folded up a copy and stuck it in his jacket pocket. 
“I’m going to go find some more hustlers.  Someone has to know who this kid
is.”
Justin nodded slowly and then bit his bottom lip.  “Be careful, okay?”  He
asked softly and Brian flashed him a smile.
“You know me, Sunshine.  I can take care of myself.”  He assured before bending
to capture Justin’s lips in his own.  When he broke away Justin seemed much
better so he pecked him on the tip of his nose and turned to leave.  “Call me
if you need something.  I’ll be back soon.”  He promised and then turned and
left; determined more than ever to make those two men pay for what they’d done.
===============================================================================
Carl Horvath let out a small burp as he shifted in his chair and flipped
through the next page in the report he was writing up.  He was frowning; his
office was too hot, and he couldn’t seem to get comfortable in the chair that
might possibly be older than he was.  He burped again, regretting eating the
tomato-pesto sandwich he’d had for lunch as it was giving him heartburn and
left a stain on his shirt.
The only good thing was that the paperwork was light.  He was merely writing
his report from the fake call he received from that kid.  He wondered what was
wrong with him, but was still annoyed that he had to go out in the middle of
the night for a false alarm.  He couldn’t help but remember the look of
desperation in the boy’s eyes – the fear.
They were haunting.
He took a break from the short report to lean back in his chair and think about
the call some more.  Logically, it seemed fake – just a mentally unstable
person thinking they were seeing something that wasn’t really there.  He’d been
on the force long enough to have seen all kinds of crazy; but the boy
– Justin – didn’t seem like others.  His instinct told him there was something
more going on here.
But what could he do?  He had no body, no missing person, and only the word of
a person whose own therapist doesn’t believe him.
Carl ran a hand through his slightly sweaty hair and shook his head.  He was
getting worked up over nothing. He looked back down at the report again and
picked up his pen to get back to work before he heard a round of clapping and
exclamations from outside his office. Curious, he stood up, walked over to the
door and peeked it open to see all of the officers and detectives standing near
the chief’s office.
He moved forward and walked over, nudging one of the uniformed officers nearby.
“What’s going on?” He asked, seeing the chief and his partner getting pats on
the back.
“Stockwell and Rikert are retiring.” The officer answered, still clapping in
congratulations.
Carl raised his eyes brows in shock, but then nodded and turned back to the
office. Their retirement was coming out of nowhere, but both men had been on
the force for decades – they’d earned it. Besides, there were rumors Stockwell
was planning on running for mayor soon, apparently sooner than he thought.  He
shut his door once more, wanting to concentrate on the reports he was writing.
However, he made a note to congratulate both men later, when he had the time.
He grunted as he sat back in his chair. He picked up the pen and got back to
work.
===============================================================================
Brian sighed as he slid into a booth and immediately leaned his elbows on the
table and buried his face in his hands. The diner wasn’t very busy – it was
between the lunch and dinner rush. He slid the copy of the drawing onto the
table and wondered what he was going to do to figure out who these guys were. 
He didn’t really have a plan, but he didn’t want to go back to the loft empty-
handed.
“What’s that?” Debbie asked, grabbing the paper and sliding it over so she
could look at it. “Hey, did Sunshine draw this?” She asked, excitedly slapping
his shoulder. “This is pretty good. It’s not like his old stuff but if he can
still-.”
“Before, this would have taken him all of five minutes. He spent over an hour
working on this with his left hand because he still refuses to do his PT.”
Brian muttered, rubbing his eyes before straightening up and looking at her.
“Coffee, please.” Brian said and Debbie nodded, but took the paper with her as
she went to get a pot for him.
Brian leaned back on the booth and exhaled heavily. He had spent several more
hours pounding the streets hoping to find some hustlers who recognized the boy,
but no one had. He reached over to flip over the menu out of habit, even though
he’d had everything at the diner memorized for a decade now. He scanned down at
the items and thought about what Justin might want so he could take some food
home for him.
“You sure you know that kid?”
Debbie’s voice was loud and obnoxious, easily heard in the diner even when it
was full and busy. Brian turned swiftly and looked to see her pointing at the
copy to someone sitting at the counter. Brian stood abruptly and walked over to
look at who she was talking to. A young boy, in his teens and probably a
hustler. “You know him?” He asked, leaning over the counter.
The kid nodded. “Yeah. He was pretty new. Only around for a few weeks.” He
pulled the paper closer to him and pointed to the hustler in the drawing.
“Didn’t know his name, though. Hunter might. They hung out quite a bit.” He
said, greedily biting into the burger on his plate.
“Hunter? Who’s Hunter?” Brian asked, glancing to Debbie who gave a shrug of her
shoulders.
“He works in the Industrial district. Or did. I haven’t seen him around for a
few days.” He explained through a mouth full of food. As he swallowed he
reached for the glass of soda and gulped it down.
“Well do you know where he went?” He asked and the kid shook his head.
“Nope. I think he skipped down after this guy went missing.” He added, pushing
the paper closer to him.
“Hmm…” Brian murmured, picking up the copy. He looked down at the drawing and
shrugged. At least he had a name to go on. “Thanks.” He said and pulled out his
wallet. He slapped down enough money to pay for the kid’s lunch and then kissed
Debbie on the cheek. “Later, Ma.”
“Hey wait!” She called, grabbing his arm. “What’s all this with a missing
person?” She asked but Brian waved her off.
“It’s nothing. Don’t worry about it.” Brian said swiftly and continued to
leave.
“Be careful! And tell Justin ‘hi’ for me!” She waved and Brian nodded as he
left the diner with a jingle of the bell. He walked to his jeep and then began
driving home. At least he finally had good news to give to Justin.
It didn’t take him long to get back home, even after he stopped at a fast food
joint and got some food for them. He found Justin nervously pacing in the
living room. “Hey.” He said, holding up the bag. “I brought food.” He
proclaimed and set it on the counter.
Justin rushed over to him again but spared him from crushing his ribs. “How did
it go? Did you find anything?” He asked, his eyes wide and begging for
information. Before answering he watched Justin dig into the bag and pulled out
the burger and fries that he’d bought.
“I got a name. Not his but I got a name.” Brian said, pulling the copy out.
“Apparently, another hustler named Hunter knows him. So now I just have to find
him.” He said, trying to sound optimistic.
Justin nodded as he took a big bite, looking every bit like the hustler at the
diner. It rubbed Brian the wrong way and he shook the thought from his head
swiftly. “Anyways, I’ll look around for this Hunter kid. I’m sure now that I
have a name it’ll be easy. Then, once I find him, we’ll get to the bottom of
this. Okay?”
Justin nodded, and finished chewing before looking up at him. “Hunter, huh?”
“Yup.”  Brian answered simply, digging into the bag to find the plastic bowl of
salad he had ordered for himself. 
“I wonder where he is.”
===============================================================================
 
Even though he was still technically a high schooler, Hunter blended in with
the college students extremely well.  He was able to get a lot of free stuff on
the campus that way.  He’d find events or parties and just show up.  People
would give him things.  It worked out really well.  He was also able to find
some clients.  And the boost in free food and gifts he’d received helped
supplement the less money he made.  And it was still summer; he knew things
would only get better once the school got back on a regular schedule.
Currently, he was sitting at on a bench in a courtyard at the university,
munching on a sandwich he was given from a booth seeking new members for their
Mock Trial club.  He’d never understood those pointless clubs, and he’d never
had an opportunity to join one either.  He doubted he would want to, even given
the chance.
He licked his fingers as some of the mayonnaise slid out of the bread and
smiled at the guilty pleasure he got from eating it.  He closed his eyes and
leaned back against the wooden bench. 
Things weren’t as bad here as he thought they’d be.  He wiped at his chin and
took the last bite with a bit of regret.  He wanted to enjoy it longer, but was
glad to have a full stomach with no cost to himself.  He wiped his hands on his
jeans and then looked around.  It was beginning to get dark, and most of the
students had gone home for the night.  There were still some darting around the
campus, but their numbers were few and far between.  Hunter knew he’d have to
get a move on himself soon, or else someone might suspect something.
He stood, hooked his backpack onto his shoulder, and began walking out of the
park.  He would wander around for a short time, try to find someone to pick up,
and then return to the small shack he’d been calling home for the past few
days.
It wasn’t much, far less than the abandoned warehouse he had lived in before. 
It was just the supply shack for the gardeners.  There were some fertilizer and
seed sacks that he pushed together for a bed.  Being summer, it was warm and he
didn’t need more than his jacket to keep away the night chill.  He was
naturally an early riser, it prevented other hustlers from stealing his things,
so he was always gone by the time the gardeners came.
As the sun set Hunter stopped by a coffee shop where he had had some luck
picking up some students.  He slid inside and figured if nothing else, he might
be able to convince someone to buy him a coffee.  He scanned the room and his
eyes fell upon the jackpot; a professor.  A pretty hot one too. 
Hunter smirked and walked sexily over to him as he sat on a table in the
corner, typing with fervor on a laptop.  He pulled out the chair across from
him and sat down, instantly reaching over to stroke his arm.  “Hey.  Want to
get out of here?”  He asked with a wink.
He’d never been answered with laughter before.  He didn’t like the way it felt.
The man shook his head and pulled his arm back.  “Thanks, but I’m busy
grading.”  He said, motioning to a stack of papers.  Hunter watched him chuckle
to himself and then duck his head back down to work, but he didn’t like taking
no for an answer, so he leaned over again.
“Come on.  Only fifty extra for bare-backing.”  He said and wiggled his
eyebrows suggestively.
The professor gave him a long, hard, serious look that unnerved him.  The man
was silent for a long time before shaking his head sadly.  “There’s no price
that should make that acceptable.”  He murmured and then once more looked down
at his papers.
Hunter wrinkled his brow in offense.  “Well excuse fucking me for trying to
make a living, dude.  Whatever…”  He grumbled, mostly disappointed that he’d
miss out on a good client.  He pushed away from the table and began to walk
away, but his arm was grabbed.  Thinking he’d made him change his mind, he
turned and cocked a hip to one side.  “Come on.  Take me to your office.  Have
your way with me.”
“It isn’t a good idea to hustle around the university.  There are police on
grounds all the time.”  The professor said instead. 
Hunter sighed and rolled his eyes.  He pulled free and shook his head.  “I can
handle myself, okay?”  He muttered.
“Here.  Take this.  If you need something, call me.”  The professor said and
reached into his wallet to pull out a business card.  Hunter took it, more out
of habit than anything.  He looked down and read the name.
‘Ben Bruckner.’  He thought, and then slid it into his pocket.  “Fine. 
Whatever.  See ya.”  He said and turned again.  This time he wasn’t stopped. 
He had no intention of calling him if he didn’t want to pay up.
***** Chapter 11 *****
A Few Days Later.
Brian frowned as he watched Justin at the window.  The past few days had been
rough; filled with nightmares, meltdowns, and screaming.  As he continued to
come up empty handed in his search for Hunter, Justin slipped further and
further back down into the depression he’d worked so hard to pull him from.  It
was hard to see him go back on all the progress he’d made.  It was as if Justin
didn’t even feel safe in their loft anymore, and he didn’t know what to do
about it.
Now, Justin was back to listlessly staring out the window - rarely speaking,
and rarely eating.  Brian couldn’t even bribe him to do his PT anymore.  He had
to move Justin’s hand for him and nothing got accomplished.  He only did it to
make sure Justin remained in the habit so when he broke free of this funk he’d
be able to jump right back in.
Brian crossed his arms over his chest and leaned his hip against the kitchen
counter.  He glanced to the pot of boiling water and stirred the pasta a bit. 
He normally wouldn’t cook, but they’d been eating out so much lately that even
he was getting sick of it.  He decided they both deserved a home cooked meal
and he had watched Justin cook enough before to remember some basics. 
He heard Justin sigh and turned his attention back over to the boy.  He felt
helpless once more.  Initially, when Justin had witnessed the murder, he seemed
invigorated with the same kind of determination he had when he pursued him a
year ago.  Relentless, single-minded, and dedicated.  Now, it seemed like his
fear was resurfacing and he was sinking back into that hole.
Watching that brief spark of his old Justin fade away hurt more than he could
say.  He didn’t care about anyone as much as he did Justin, and he was starting
to realize that it wasn’t just out of guilt, either.  Guilt didn’t make a
person feel the way he felt.  It wasn’t a huge revelation – he’d known that
Justin was important to him since before the bashing – but it was surprising to
realize his actions after the bashing had more to do with genuine concern than
guilt.
He rolled his lips into his mouth, unsure of what he was supposed to do with
the knowledge.  He stirred the pot again and then reached into the pantry for a
jar of pasta sauce.  “Is alfredo okay?”  He called out, grabbing a white jar. 
Justin reacted poorly to tomato based sauces, so he didn’t buy any, but he
still felt he deserved a say in what they ate.  Sometimes Justin would surprise
him and ask for something he knew would make him sick just because he liked it
so much.
Justin didn’t answer and Brian shook his head.  It was going to be one of those
nights.  He would probably have to try and force the food down the boy just get
some nutrients in him.  He set the jar down on the counter without opening it
and walked across the living room to the couch.
Brian sat down next to Justin and reached a hand to run down his back slowly. 
“Hey.”  He said, glancing to the binoculars on the windowsill.  Justin didn’t
even seem to care about them anymore either. 
Justin turned to him and lifted an eyebrow.  Brian moved his hand up to his
back and then had it rest on the soft curve of his neck.  “Did you hear me?” 
He asked and motioned his head back to the kitchen.  “Is alfredo sauce okay?” 
He repeated.
“Sure…”  Justin murmured flatly with a shrug.  He turned back to the window and
looked out some more.  Brian turned his hand to latch onto Justin’s chin and
turned him back to face him.
“Hey.  Don’t get down.  We’ll find him.”  Brian wished he could promise Justin
that everything was going to be alright, but he couldn’t.  It had been days
since they had even seen the murderers, and Brian had no idea where to find
this ‘Hunter’.  But one of them had to stay optimistic, and it had to be him. 
If he let Justin give in he feared he’d lose the boy forever; that wasn’t
something he was willing to let happen.
Justin looked at him for a long moment and then nodded slowly as he turned back
to the window.  “Yeah.  Okay.”  He said evenly.  “If you say so.” 
There wasn’t a hint of sarcasm in Justin’s tone, but Brian was certain it was
sarcastic.  He sighed, and leaned in to kiss the side of Justin’s head. “I need
to stop by Mikey’s after dinner.” He said, not even bothering to ask if Justin
wanted to come along. He knew what the answer would be. He didn’t receive a
response, so he just walked back to the kitchen.  He tried not to think too
much about Justin’s worsening condition.  He would find Hunter, and when he did
Justin would get back to his normal self.  He had to believe that.
===============================================================================
Hunter was washing off after a job in the locker room showers of the gym at the
university.  He did it clinically, noting some bruises and marks that weren’t
there before.  He didn’t care, it wouldn’t have been the first time.  But it
did remind him of Jason, and how rough he’d been beaten by those two men.  He
shuddered as he remembered how battered the kid’s body had been.
He paused from scrubbing himself and then leaned against the cold tiles of the
shower. He knew in his heart Jason was dead.  And if he ever saw those two men
again, he didn’t know what he’d do.  He’d tried to warn Jason and he didn’t
listen; how could he convince the police that he’d been killed?
He quickly finished his shower and patted himself dry with a towel he found in
a hamper. He tossed it back and dressed in a matter of seconds.  Then, he got
out of the locker room and went back on the hunt for another customer.  He
hoped he could fit in two more before the night was done.
He moved a few streets away from the university and once again began looking
for someone to pick up. He’d mastered the ability to pick one out of the
street.  When before clients would flock to him and the other hustlers grouped
up on the corner, now he had to seek them out of the crowd. 
Hunter brushed his bangs out of his eyes and assumed what he liked to call ‘the
position’. He knew it wouldn’t be long for someone to stop and pick him up for
a go. He shifted every once in a while, as he leaned back against the brick
wall of the building he’d chosen.
There wasn’t as much traffic as he’d anticipated so he ended up staying there
longer than he would have liked. But then a sleek, black SUV pulled up to the
curb. Hunter paused, concerned, but he walked forward anyways.  There had to be
more than one kind of black SUV in the entirety of Pittsburgh. He watched the
window roll down and put on his best charming smile. “Hey.” He greeted, but
then froze when he saw who was inside.
“How much?” The man asked, leaning out a bit. The light from the street lamp
illuminated his face and Hunter recognized him immediately. He was one of the
men who had taken Jason.
He cleared his throat and shook his head. “What are you talking about, Dude?”
He asked, feigning ignorance. He stuck his hands deep in his pockets and tried
to look as trashy as possible. “You drive the same car as my dealer.” He said
and then started backing away. “See ya.” He waved a bit and continued walking.
He forced himself to walk slowly and calmly.
The SUV remained parked there for a few seconds and Hunter could feel his heart
pounding in his chest. What if they didn’t care? What if they just grabbed him
and took him. There was no one else around. He’d disappear just like Jason did.
His body was screaming at him to run, but he forced himself not to. Eventually,
the SUV drove off and left him alone. Hunter’s shoulders sagged and he closed
his eyes tightly. He leaned over as he felt the sudden urge to be sick. All of
his work to avoid those two and they still ended up finding him. ‘Oh god…What
the fuck am I supposed to do?’ He wondered in a panic.
He watched the SUV turn down another road and out of sight. His heart didn’t
stop racing, however. He moved over away from the street and leaned against a
building. He slowly pulled his hands out of his pockets, surprised when he felt
a slip of paper come with them. He turned it over and gasped a bit.
It was the business card of that professor. Following his instinct, he found
the nearest payphone and slid in the few bits of change he had. To be safe, he
called the man’s cellphone. He didn’t have enough for two calls and he didn’t
want to risk missing him.
It seemed to ring forever. Four, five, six times and still no answer. He was
practically squirming in the phone booth. He felt like he wanted to bolt out of
his skin. Then, finally, an answer.
“Hello?”
Hunter smiled, he recognized the man’s voice.
“Hey uhh…Ben Bruckner?” He asked, reading the card.
“Yes. Who is this?” Ben answered and Hunter could hear someone whisper
something to him on the other line, but he didn’t hear what.
“My name is Hunter. We met a few days ago at the coffee shop at the school. I…”
Hunter gave an uncomfortable cough. “I came on to you?
“Oh! Hey. Now isn’t exactly a good time.” Ben answered and Hunter shook his
head fervently, even though the man couldn’t see it.
“No. You don’t understand! I think these two guys killed someone and I-.”
“Wait what?!”
Hunter closed his eyes and sighed. “Please. I need help.” He said, even though
it was hard to admit. He had never needed anyone to help him before and he
didn’t like asking for it now. He just didn’t know what else to do.
“I’m not at home right now, Hunter.”
“Please…”
There was a sigh and some more whispering. “Okay. Come to 315 Baker Street.
Number 204.”
“Thanks!” Hunter hung up and booked it across town. He didn’t want to linger
nearby with those two men on the prowl. He wasn’t going to be their next
victim.
===============================================================================
It didn’t take him long to find the address. He looked up at the apartment
building and darted inside when someone carrying some grocery bags opened the
door. He used the stairs to get to the second floor and then knocked loudly
three times. He bounced from foot to foot until it opened and he walked inside
without waiting for permission.
“Well excuse you.” A snotty voice snapped at him, but didn’t stop him from
getting further into the apartment. Hunter glanced back long enough to see that
it wasn’t Ben who had answered the door. He looked into the living room and saw
the professor sitting on the couch.
He saw the wine glasses, looked between the two of them a few times and it
clicked. He’d crashed in on a date. Ben stood and walked over to him, a look of
concern prevalent on his handsome face. “Are you alright?” He asked and Hunter
nodded.
“Yeah I’m fine.” He said, his fear and anxiety beginning to fade now that he
was safe inside somewhere.
“Hunter this is Michael. Michael, this is Hunter. He, ahem, works at the
university.” Ben said politely, but it was obvious what it was he did. So,
unashamed, Hunter turned to Michael and smiled broadly as he held out his hand.
“I’m a prostitute.” He said and Michael gave him an uncomfortable smile. He did
shake his hand though.
“I run a comic book shop. What is this about a murder?” He asked and Hunter
didn’t know why, but there was something that made him like the annoying little
man instantly. Maybe it was his eyes, or the shape of his face; he didn’t know.
But he felt like this Michael was someone he could grow to like.
“There are these two men who go prowling for hustlers. One kid I know…he was
picked up by them and he never came back. And I know what you’re going to say.
He didn’t just pick up and leave town. He was trying to make a life for himself
here.” Hunter said, pre-emptively cutting them both off when it was obvious
they were going to jump in with some explanation.
“Well, have you tried going to the police?” Ben asked, folding his arms over
his chest as his brow furrowed seriously. Hunter shook his head.
“You think they’d believe me? I don’t have any proof; I don’t even know the
guy’s last name. I just know that they did something to him. He never even came
back for his stuff.” Hunter bit his lip as he thought about how unfair it was
for someone like Jason to be murdered. It could have been any one of them, but
it just had to be the one kid who had some redeeming qualities. “I’m no one.
But maybe if you talked t-.”
Hunter stopped and turned as the door swung open. His body tensed and he was
immediately ready to run because he was certain that the two killers were on
the other side of the door. He even began moving behind Ben and Michael in a
preemptive attempt to make a run for it. But then whoever was walking in
started talking.
“Hey, Mikey. I got to talk to you about Justin. He’s getting worse.”
Hunter didn’t hear anything else that the man said because he had finally
caught a look at him. He was by far the most attractive man he’d ever seen
before. Hands down. No contest. Truth be told he’d always leaned more towards
women, but this man was a major exception. All other thoughts fled his mind,
and the only one that remained was how to get into bed with him.
===============================================================================
After dinner Brian had stuck to his word of going over to Michael’s. He needed
some advice because he was quickly losing control of the situation. Justin was
safe in the loft, staring out the window morosely, and so he slipped out
without Justin even realizing he was gone. He wasn’t even spared a glance.
He rushed over though, because he didn’t want to be gone long. He didn’t know
what kind of state Justin was in and the idea of leaving him alone with a
multitude of ways to kill himself was unnerving. So, he rushed to Michael’s
apartment and darted up the stairs. He didn’t bother knocking – Michael never
knocked on his door, so why should he knock on Michael’s? Instead, he pushed it
open right away and started talking.
“Hey, Mikey. I got to talk to you about Justin. He’s getting worse.” He said,
his back to the apartment as he shut the door behind him. When he turned to
look in, however, he paused as three faces stared back. Only one he recognized.
“The fuck is going on here?” He asked noting the seriousness of the air.
“Brian, now isn’t a good time.” Michael said, moving towards him and grabbing
his arm. He started pulling him back to the door. “Call me tomorrow and we’ll
talk about Justin.” Michael didn’t get him far, however, before some kid
brushed up against him.
“Hey there. Name’s Hunter. Why don’t you and I-.”
The kid didn’t get to finish because Brian pulled free of Michael’s arm and
placed his hands on Hunter’s shoulders. “Hunter? That’s your name?” He asked,
unwilling to believe he’d gotten this lucky as to literally stumble into the
one hustler in the entire city he needed to find.
“Uhhh, yeah?” The kid answered slowly. Brian reached into his pocket and pulled
out his wallet. He quickly withdrew Justin’s drawing and unfolded it, letting
the wallet fall to the floor as he didn’t want to waste any time putting it
back in.
“Brian?” Michael asked, moving towards him again. Brian simply held up a hand
and motioned for him to wait.
“You know this kid?” He asked and pointed to Justin’s drawing of the hustler.
Hunter’s eyes widened immediately and he had his answer. “What’s his name?” He
demanded, his voice rising.
“How do you know him?” Hunter snapped, jerking free of his hold. He backed up a
few steps, but Brian didn’t let up and followed him. Suddenly, the other
stranger’s hand was on him and holding him back.
“Hey. Give him some space. Why don’t you just tell us what’s going on.” He said
and Brian gave him a long, frustrated look, and then slowly turned to Michael.
“Who the fuck is this guy?” He asked, making a point of removing his hand from
his shoulder.  Though, in the back of his head he realized something about this
stranger was familiar.
“That’s Ben. He and I were having a date tonight.” Michael explained, with a
roll of his eyes.
Brian raised his eyebrows and decided to look at Ben in a new light. Really
looking at him, Brian realized that he’d fucked him before. He wisely decided
not to voice that. However, that also meant that he was good enough for
Michael. He nodded his approval. “Over a week ago Justin saw someone get
murdered across the street.” He said bluntly.
“Who’s Justin?” Hunter asked and Brian glanced at him and then shrugged.
He didn’t have an answer for that. Justin was…Justin. That’s all that had ever
mattered.
“Justin’s his boyfriend.” Michael supplied for him and Brian tensed and
scowled.
“Boyfriend.” He spat the word with distain. “Please…We’re not teena-.” He
stopped, because he was about to say something extremely inaccurate. Not to
mention something Michael would probably tease him relentlessly for. It didn’t
seem to matter because he could see the glee on his best friend’s face.
“Not what, Brian? Teenagers? Is that what you were going to say?” He asked
smugly. Brian just scoffed and shook his head.
“You have a boyfriend?” Hunter suddenly asked and Brian wanted to scream.
“He’s not my boyfriend. He’s…Justin. Okay? Just…focus here.” He asked them all
and pointed to the drawing once more. He waited for silence from the small
group and then nodded in approval. “He saw this kid get murdered about a week
ago. You know him?” He asked, focusing in on Hunter once more.
Hunter nodded solemnly. “His name is Jason. Those two guys picked him up once
and he came back beaten pretty bad. He said he didn’t care because they gave
him a fat amount of cash. Then they came back and took him again. He didn’t
come back that time.” Hunter explained, leaning his hip against the nearby
table. Brian looked back down at the picture and smiled a little.
With a name, and someone who could prove that he was missing, the cops would
have to listen to him. “You’re coming with me.” He said to Hunter, waving him
over. The eagerness with which the kid responded was familiar and reminded him
of Justin when they first met. However, with Justin it was endearing. With this
kid it was annoying. The last thing he needed was another teenager with a crush
on him. The last one ended up with a bat to the head.
“Where are we going?” Hunter asked.
Brian looked at him as if it should be obvious. “The police.”
***** Chapter 12 *****
Chapter Notes
     WARNING: Chapter contains thoughts of suicide.
Michael didn’t think the night could get any stranger. All he had wanted was a
quiet evening to get to know Ben better – maybe fool around a little. Instead,
he was ambushed and he didn’t know how to get control back. He just wanted to
sit on the couch, watch a crappy movie, and sip some wine with the very
attractive professor. Now, he was stuck watching Brian and Hunter have a stand-
off.
“The police? Fuck the police! I’m not going to them! Haven’t you ever seen the
movies? You go to the cops, you get killed!” Hunter shouted, moving deeper into
the apartment. He flopped himself down on the couch, grabbed Michael’s glass of
wine and started drinking.
Michael opened his mouth to protest, but it was too late. Disappointed, he hung
his head a bit.
“I don’t give a fuck. In case you haven’t noticed, we’re not in a fucking
movie. Not to mention, my boy is about one bad day away from killing himself
and I’m not letting that happen.” Brian shouted back as he stomped across the
apartment to grab Hunter.
Michael, however, latched onto what Brian had said about Justin. “Woah, wait.
Wait.” He said, once more reaching out and grabbing Brian’s arm. “Is he really
that bad? I thought…I mean I thought you were going to get a professional or
something.”
“Not now Mikey…” Brian grumbled at him and Michael decided to drop it, but it
didn’t sit well with him.  He couldn’t imagine Justin being that depressed.  It
just seemed unfathomable that the too-smiley boy they knew was thinking about
suicide.
He glanced back to Ben, knowing the man probably didn’t understand anything
that was going on, but there was a calm and patient look on his face. Maybe the
night wasn’t totally ruined. He just had to get Brian and Hunter out of his
apartment.
“Well I’m not going.” Hunter said, kicking his feet up on the coffee table in
front of the couch.
Michael looked at Brian clench his fists. He could see tremors wrack through
his friend’s body and realized that Brian was furious - angrier than he’d ever
seen him before. Whatever was going on with Justin in the loft was big. Brian
looked like he might hit someone if they looked at him the wrong way. So, he
calmly stepped forward and cleared his throat. He did keep a mindful distance
from Brian, however.
“Hunter. You should go with him. It’s the right thing to do. I’m sure your
friend would do the same for you.” Michael said and Hunter slowly turned and
looked at him. Hunter looked at him for a long time before turning forward
again and sighing.
“Yeah…you’re probably right…” He murmured and shook his head sadly.
“When you’re done, you can come back here. If you’ll feel safer that way.”
Michael found himself offering. Though, there was a voice in the back of his
head telling him it was a bad idea to invite a hustler into his apartment.
However, there was something about the kid that struck his protective side.
“Brian will watch out for you in the meantime. Won’t you Brian?” He asked and
turned back to his oldest friend.
He looked like he had calmed down significantly. Brian nodded and jerked his
head to the door. “Come on. I need to get back.” He grumbled and started
walking, apparently assuming Hunter was following him.
Michael turned and watched them leave. He remained standing in the middle of
his apartment even as the door shut quietly behind him. Eventually he was able
to get control of his body back and he turned to look at Ben. “I’m sorry about
Brian showing up like that. I didn’t know…”
“Hey. I’m the one who told Hunter to come over here. I should be apologizing.”
Ben said, flashing him an apologetic smile.
“Crazy night…” Michael murmured with a bit of a smile himself.
“Yeah. How weird is it that your friend’s boyfriend witnessed the murder of
Hunter’s friend? When I saw him in that coffee shop I could tell that something
was bothering him.” Ben spoke, his tone calming and deep. It almost gave
Michael chills.
“Apparently he’s not his boyfriend.” Michael said with a chuckle, and received
a small laugh from Ben in response. The tension was broken, and they walked
back to the couch.
“Sounds like there’s a story there.” Ben commented, grabbing the bottle of wine
and refilling Michael’s glass.
“Oh you have no idea…” He murmured, with a shake of his head. He didn’t
elaborate. Partly because he didn’t really know how to tell the Brian and
Justin story, and partly because he didn’t want the night focused on them. Not
to mention, they don’t exactly have a happy ending. ‘Hang in there, Boy
Wonder.’ Michael thought as he sipped the wine.
Conversation didn’t flow easily, though. Michael was distracted and he knew Ben
was too. He knew they wouldn’t be able to focus on their date until Hunter
returned with more information. Until then, he would just try to keep it as
comfortable as possible.
===============================================================================
“So, who’s your boyfriend?” Hunter asked as he tried to find a comfortable spot
in Brian’s jeep. He could see the man roll his eyes, but he didn’t care. He had
to admit, he was a bit jealous. Brian didn’t look like the boyfriend type and
he thought it’d be easy to get him to go to bed with him. A boyfriend
complicated things. It’s not like he was even looking for anything more than a
quick fuck, but it was obvious Brian could only think about one thing.
“He’s not my boyfriend. We’re…partners.” Brian answered, and kept his eyes
forward on the road as they drove to the police station.
“And he’s a teenager? How old are you?” He asked swiftly, reaching forward to
fiddle with the air conditioning. It was a hot summer night and he was starting
to sweat with his jacket and backpack bundled up on him.
“None of your fucking business.” Brian snapped at him.
‘Old enough to be defensive about it…’ He thought and then leaned closer to
him. He put a hand on Brian’s arm. “Well, you look like your twenty-five. So
it’s not like you’re old or anything.” He said, lying easily. There was no way
Brian was twenty-five. But he was a gay man and gay men were vain. So, he
guessed a low number. Apparently it worked, because he didn’t seem as tense
anymore.
“Justin’s my partner.” Brian explained, more confidently this time. Hunter
liked ‘partner’ even less than he liked ‘boyfriend’. Partner implied some kind
of commitment. “He’s recovering from an injury and since he’s stuck in our home
he likes to people watch. One night, he was looking outside and saw your
friend.” Brian explained. “Jason.” He suddenly added, and for some reason that
made Hunter like Brian a lot. Jason was a person, and Brian knew that. “You
know the rest.” He said, turning down a street.
Hunter sat back in his seat the right way and held his hands in his lap. It was
obvious he was getting nowhere with Brian. But he wouldn’t give up right away.
“Is he deformed or something now?” He asked, not even trying to hide the hope
in his voice.
“Give it up.” Brian ordered and turned to flash him a devastating smile. “I’m
out of your league. And so is he – injury or not.” He declared and Hunter
scowled, seriously doubting that was true.
Distantly, he realized that Brian was more complex than he had initially given
him credit for. But, he wasn’t going to let one throw-away comment about his
partner stop him from getting what he wanted. He glanced over to Brian again
and licked his lips. Honestly, the man probably didn’t even notice as he was so
focused on the road, but Hunter had a routine and he was going to stick to it.
“So why didn’t the cops believe him?” He asked.
“What?” Brian asked in a biting way, as if the mere conversation was bothering
him.
“Justin. He told the cops, right? But they didn’t believe him. Why not?” Hunter
asked curiously.
“Oh. He…” Brian paused and Hunter knew immediately that it had to do with
whatever injury Justin apparently had. Maybe he was worse than deformed. Maybe
Brian was only with him out of pity. “It doesn’t matter. They just didn’t.”
Brian said and Hunter could see the police station off in the distance.
“Is he like retarded or something?” Hunter asked, mostly meaning it as a joke,
but Brian didn’t think it was funny.
The man slammed on the brakes and Hunter was grabbed by the front of his shirt.
“Listen here, you little brat. You make one more comment about him, and I’m
throwing you out of this car. I might even be tempted to back up over you. You
know fuck all about him, or me. So keep your mouth shut until we get inside.
Got it?” Brian growled viciously into his face.
Realizing he’d struck a nerve, Hunter wisely kept his mouth shut and merely
nodded. Brian let him go and the jeep started moving again. Hunter looked out
the opposite window, imagining what Justin could possibly look like and how
someone that was as attractive as Brian could care so much about another
person. People like Brian didn’t care about others – they only cared about
themselves. He may be young, but he’d been out in the world more than long
enough to know that.
The jeep was thick with silence as Brian parked at the police station. They
both exited and Hunter looked inside. Apprehension filled him, but he thought
about Jason and how naïve he had been. Even though Jason had probably been
older than him, he still felt responsible for the guy; he had more experience.
He should have insisted. He should have stopped him from going back. Jason
deserved justice; he’d make sure that happened.
===============================================================================
Justin could see his face in the sheen of the knife in his hand. He turned it
this way and that, looking at his reflection from different angles. He barely
recognized himself. He was thinner, and paler. His eyes didn’t look the same.
Neither did his lips. If he didn’t know any better he’d swear he was looking at
a different person.
He couldn’t remember the last time he ate. But he didn’t feel hungry. In fact,
he didn’t feel much of anything anymore. He was shutting down, preparing.
For a brief moment it had seemed like there was hope. Brian had reminded him
that there were things that were safe in this world. But he couldn’t stay
inside the loft forever. Brian would have to go back to work eventually. Things
would go back to the way they were. Brian would give up on the search, probably
try to convince him that he made it up, and then try to move on. Eventually
he’d get sick of him here.
So really, he was doing Brian a favor.
Besides, the world was going to kill him. Just like it had killed that hustler
across the street. He wasn’t going to let that happen. The world wasn’t going
to take any more from him than it already had.
===============================================================================
Brian was frustrated by the slow pace of the uniformed officer showing them to
Horvath’s office. He wasn’t surprised the detective was in so late at night.
After all, he and his partner were the ones to answer his call to the police
when the murder had happened; he must work the night shift.
The office was empty, but the officer told them to sit and wait, as Carl was
probably just getting coffee. Brian said slowly, itching to get this over with
so he could go back home. He had a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach. He
felt like he had to get back immediately. But he needed to get this done.
“I apologize. I always start the night off with a cup of coffee.” Carl said as
he walked in and around them to sit at his desk. Brian could see the
recognition in the man’s eyes as soon as he saw him. He slid into his chair
slowly and leveled Brian with a hard look. “What do you need?” He asked,
glancing to Hunter with thinly veiled curiosity.
“This kid here knows the victim.” Brian said, cutting right to the chase. He
pulled out Justin’s drawing once more and laid it on the desk. Carl slowly
pulled it closer to him and stiffened, but said nothing. Clearly he reacted to
something in the drawing, but Brian couldn’t guess what it was. “I also got the
apartment number.” He added, grabbing one of Carl’s pens and writing it on a
sticky-note pad.
“You do?” Carl asked, looking down at it. He then turned over to Hunter.
“What’s your name, kid?” He asked, his tone not unfriendly, but not exactly
welcoming either.
Brian frowned when Hunter didn’t immediately answer. Maybe he shouldn’t have
been so hard on him in the car; but the things he was saying about Justin got
to him. He didn’t let anyone speak poorly of Justin. It just wasn’t okay.
Still, that kid was young. He probably could have gone easier on him. He
motioned for Hunter to answer, and the boy cleared his throat.
“Hunter.” He said, and then pointed to the drawing. “His name is Jason. We
lived together.” He explained, and Brian cringed because Carl’s eyebrows shot
up on his head.
“Lived together? Where?” He asked and then narrowed his gaze at Hunter. “How
old are you?”
“We lived in a warehouse. And I’m fourteen.”
Brian felt a wave of sympathy flow through him. He had known he was young, but
he didn’t think he was that young. He would have guessed closer to Justin’s
age. Fourteen and hustling…Nobody deserved that. He glanced to Carl and could
see the same sympathy he was feeling on the man’s face.
“What makes you think he’s missing, and didn’t just skip town? I know it’s
common for pr-ahem, night workers, to pick up and leave whenever they feel like
it.” Carl said, his face flushing with embarrassment at having nearly called a
child a prostitute – even if it was true. Brian glanced to Hunter, but the boy
didn’t seem fazed.
“He didn’t take anything with him. And he never came back after that night.
Even if he had skipped town he would have taken his things. Besides, he didn’t
want to leave. He wanted to make a life here.” Hunter said, his voice getting
quieter at the end, speaking of his sadness at having lost a friend.
Brian looked at him a moment longer before turning back to Carl. It was all
they had to offer, but it had to be enough to get some kind of action. He
watched Carl look down at the drawing once more and shake his head slowly. “I
need you to be very certain about this.” He said, looking over to Brian.
“Justin is sure of what he saw?” He asked, and Brian nodded slowly.
He knew there was a reason for Carl’s sudden hesitation. And he knew it had to
do with the picture. He could only think of one reason why. “You know them. You
know the other two men. The one’s Justin saw do it.” He declared and Carl
tensed once more and closed his eyes. Then, he nodded solemnly.
“Oh shit! Are they cops?!” Hunter exclaimed excitedly, as if he was watching
some drama on television.
“They were.” Carl said, picking up the sketch to look at it closer. “Rikert and
Stockwell. They retired a few days ago; said they wanted to spend more time
with their families.” He explained, and Brian could hear resignation in the
detective’s voice.
Brian didn’t miss the importance of what Carl had just shared. As far as he was
concerned, that was all the proof he needed. Finally he was going to be able to
tell Justin some good news; hopefully it would be enough to break through to
him. “Well great! Go arrest them!” he declared and Carl shook his head
vehemently.
With the way his life had been going the past few months, Brian should have
expected that it wouldn’t be that easy.
“I don’t have enough to go on.” Carl said, pushing the picture back across the
table. “I’m sorry, Kid. But there could be plenty of other reasons for your
friend to be gone. And I still have no body. I can’t arrest someone for murder
if there’s no body.” Carl spoke swiftly, his nervousness easy for Brian to pick
up.
“Bullshit!” He protested, standing as he snatched the drawing away. “You just
don’t want to rock the boat! You’re scared that these two can make trouble for
you. Let me guess; you’re close to retiring and want to keep your nice, comfy
pension.” Brian theorized and could see the look of guilt easily on Carl’s
face.
“The word of a mentally unstable-.”
“I swear to god if one more person talks shit about Justin I’m going to break
something.” Brian murmured through clenched teeth. He folded the picture back
up and took a step away from the desk. “Fine. But you know we’re right. I hope
you can rest easy taking those checks when you let two murderers go free.” He
muttered and turned to leave. “Let’s go, Hunter. I’m taking you back to
Michael’s.” He said, and without giving Carl a chance to say anything else,
they left.
***** Chapter 13 *****
Chapter Notes
     WARNING: Chapter contains as close to a suicide attempt I can write.
See the end of the chapter for more notes
Justin knew it wouldn’t take much. The knife was sharp and he could cut deep
enough, fast enough, before the pain stopped him. A quick slice and then he’d
bleed out. He even had a bowl ready to try and catch as much blood as possible.
He didn’t want to leave a huge mess for Brian to clean up. In fact, if he
could, he would leave the loft and do it somewhere else to save him the hassle.
But that would mean leaving…
The edge of the knife rested on his skin. It was pressed against him hard
enough to push in his skin a bit, but not to cut him yet. He lifted the blade
just a bit and saw a thin, dark line where his skin was pressed. He would aim
for that.
The blade lowered again and he exhaled long, and slow. Something was stopping
him…But Brian would be back soon. He had to do it now.
===============================================================================
“This is fucking bullshit.” Brian muttered in annoyance as he drove as quickly
as he could back to Michael’s apartment. “What a god damn joke…” He shook his
head and jutted out his chin in anger. Hunter was wisely keeping quiet next to
him, but he just wanted to get rid of the kid and get home.  He had a bad
feeling in the pit of his stomach that urged him to get to Justin before it was
too late.
He screeched to a halt at the curb and then turned to look at Hunter. “Get
upstairs. Michael and his professor will take care of you.” He ordered and
already put the jeep into gear to take off again.
Hunter moved slowly, far too slowly for his taste, but he did eventually get
out of the jeep. Brian was about to speed off without even giving him a chance
to shut the door, but Hunter stuck his head back. “Sorry about what I said.
About your partner.” He spoke quietly, and Brian had to strain to hear him.
He turned back to the kid and shook his head. “Forget it.” He said, and then
waved him off. He waited until Hunter was inside the building before driving
away again.
His mind was racing with what he could possibly say to Justin. He had been so
close to proving Justin was right – that he wasn’t crazy. Maybe that was what
was sucking Justin back down. Maybe he was beginning to think he was losing his
mind. Whatever the reason, Justin was giving up hope; he was running out of
time.
As he sped back to the loft he felt his phone vibrating in his pocket. With a
frustrated grunt he dug it out and flipped it open. “What?!” He snapped, in no
mood to deal with anyone else.
As the person on the other end spoke, Brian closed his eyes and sighed. When it
rains, it pours. He’d received even more bad news.
===============================================================================
Justin continued to stare at the knife, willing himself to push it down and
slide it across his wrist. But he couldn’t. His hand wouldn’t move. No matter
how hard he screamed at himself to just get it over with, something stopped
him. When it became obvious to him that he wasn’t going to be able to pull this
off, he let go of the knife and let it clatter to the floor.
He slumped down after it, suddenly feeling very weak. His back was against the
support beam, and he faced the living room. Unbidden, memories began playing
through his head.
He recalled standing next to the couch, before they had moved it against the
window, sullenly unfolding a blanket Brian had given him to sleep with, and
then his subsequent trip to the bedroom when he decided his night was better
spent in Brian’s bed.
He remembered sitting on Brian’s lap and feeding him ice cream, knowing the man
loved it despite his protestations.
He remembered standing in the kitchen while Melanie screamed at Brian for his
own mistake. And he remembered Brian standing up for him – ‘Justin’s not
anyone’.
His eyes trailed back to the white couch, pressed against the wall.
He remembered wrapping a sheet around his shoulders and crawling over it to
kill Brian with kindness.
‘I don’t want to leave him.’ Justin thought suddenly, a new feeling of hope
beginning to bubble up inside of him again. He’d fought too hard to get into
Brian’s life just to quit. ‘Killing myself isn’t the only way to help him. I
could get better. If I got better, his life could go back to normal. Both of
our lives would. It could be like before. Maybe even better.’
Justin suddenly stood as he felt invigorated with a sense of purpose that he’d
never felt before. It was as if something in his head suddenly clicked back on.
He felt like he was thinking clearly for the first time since the bashing. He
looked down at the knife and the bowl on the floor. He almost kicked them away
in disgust, as if they were physical manifestations of his illness.
Instead, he bent to pick them up and washed them off in the sink. He then
grabbed a container of strawberries in the fridge and began chopping them up.
As he did, he continued to think.
Bad things happened in the world. People died. People hurt each other. Like
Hobbs, and those two men across the street. But if he cowered and hid, or
killed himself, he was letting them win. And if Hobbs won, then what was the
point of anything? No. He wouldn’t let that happen. He’d make them pay for what
they did. He deserved justice, and so did the boy that they had killed. He was
going to stick around to make sure it happened, one way or another.
===============================================================================
When he got to the building he ran up the stairs and almost threw the door
open. He panted a bit, but quickly got himself back under control when he saw
Justin calmly cutting up some strawberries. “Hey.” He said, hoping his relief
wasn’t obvious.
The knot that had been tying itself in his stomach released. He must have just
been paranoid. He very calmly shut the door behind him and locked it up. Justin
didn’t answer him, but he didn’t really expect him to. He heard the knife slide
on the cutting board as Justin pushed the strawberries into a bowl in the sink.
Brian tried not to think about before when he’d seen Justin do the same thing,
except he was holding the bowl in his right hand against the counter. But now
he couldn’t.
The only good thing to happen this night was that Justin didn’t know that
anything had fallen through. He didn’t know about his finding Hunter, and he
didn’t need to. Brian would keep it hidden until it was absolutely imperative
for Justin to know. In the meantime, he’d try to keep Justin’s spirits up.
“Do you have any movies I haven’t seen yet?” Justin asked suddenly, and Brian
was so taken aback that he actually stopped and looked at him to make sure it
was actually Justin in the kitchen.
“Um, yeah.” He said, but then shook his head. “But they’re Westerns and I
figured-.”
“That’s fine. We should watch them.” Justin cut him off, setting the bowl down
so he could pluck one of the slices and pop it in his mouth.
Brian tightened his brow as he looked at Justin a bit closer. He looked very
much the same as he did when he left. Too thin, too pale, and too tired. But
when he locked eyes with him he could see it – that spark. Something had come
back to life in him. Brian didn’t know why, or when; but that didn’t matter. A
bit of sun was peeking through the clouds.
“Okay. I need to talk to you about something though.” He said, moving forward
to grab some strawberries for himself. He hadn’t realized it at first, but this
was the first time in days he hadn’t had to force food down Justin’s throat. It
made him smile, despite the bad news. “I got a call from Cynthia, my assistant.
A lot has happened since I left work. And…I have a new boss. He’s cleaning
house, Justin. She said he wants to fire me.” Brian watched Justin’s eyebrows
shoot up on his forehead, but he put out a placating hand. “She talked him down
by pointing out all the money I brought to the company. But I still have to do
something big…Justin…” Brian sighed and rubbed the back of his head. “I have to
go to Chicago.”
“Chicago?” Justin leaned back a bit. “What’s in Chicago?”
“Brown Athletics. His dream account. If I can land it I’ll be safe.” He took a
step closer to him to make up for Justin’s movement. “Sunshine, if I had a
choice I…I need this job. We both need it.” Brian was certain that Justin was
going to have another breakdown. He tensed, preparing himself to watch the
spark disappear and Justin’s face to crumble to tears. But it never happened.
“I get it, Brian. I do. It’s fine. You need to go.” Justin said. He even patted
his arm, as if he was the one in need in comforting.
Brian was baffled. When he left two hours ago Justin had been sitting and
staring out the window, practically brain dead. Now, he seemed so much like his
old self that he just didn’t know how to react. He was stunned.  He was glad
too.  If Justin was still depressed he didn't think he'd be able to just leave
him there alone.
“I’ll be fine here by myself for a few days. There’s plenty of food and I can
call take out if I need to. I’ll just leave the money outside the door and wait
for them to leave.” Justin sounded so sure of himself. He even smiled.
Brian’s heart stuttered. He actually had to gasp for a breath. It wasn’t
quite that smile, but it was so close that it didn’t matter. He bent, grabbed
Justin, and pulled him in for a deep and penetrating kiss. He had to taste him.
His lips weren’t enough, but he daren’t push for more. He didn’t want to stifle
whatever breakthrough Justin must have had while he was gone.  So, painfully,
he backed away after plundering his mouth. He rolled his lips into his mouth to
hide his smirk when he saw Justin’s slightly dazed face. “What was that for?”
He asked and Brian just shrugged before placing a peck on the tip of his nose
because he could.
He then turned and walked to the bedroom so he could pack up some things before
he caught the flight Cynthia arranged for him. “I’ll try to get back as soon as
I can, alright? Two days, at the most.”
“It’s okay, Brian. Really.” Justin insisted, slowly moving from the kitchen to
follow after him. He walked up the steps and sat on the edge of the bed to
watch as Brian packed. “I’ll be fine.” He repeated, and the more he said it,
the more at peace Brian felt. It was still just so new, he couldn’t let himself
really believe that the old Justin was beginning to make an appearance again.
He just nodded a bit as he took a bagged suit and placed it next to the
suitcase. Brian looked down at him once more and then smiled a bit. “Think you
can grab my stuff from the bathroom for me?” He asked, and though Justin didn’t
jump up and run for the bathroom like he would have before, he did calmly nod
and go to help him out. Brian turned his head to watch him disappear into the
bathroom and couldn’t help but smile again.
Maybe the day wasn’t so bad after all.
“I talked to that detective again.” He declared loudly enough for Justin to
hear him. “He said that they can’t do anything because there’s no body. It
doesn’t look like it’s going to go anywhere. Sorry, Sunshine.” Brain said, and
waited silently for an answer.
He heard a sigh echo slightly in the tiled bathroom an then Justin slamming
shut the cupboard. “Whatever. I figured. Fucking cops…I know what I saw.”
“I know.” Brian reassured yet again, and then went back to the dresser to pull
out some clothes. Despite the slamming of the cupboard, Justin seemed to be
taking it well, so he continued. “There’s more. Horvath recognized them from
your drawing. Apparently they were cops and both retired just a few days ago.
Rikert and Stockwell he said.”
“They retired?! Just now? Oh come on that isn’t a coincidence!” Justin shouted,
stomping back into the room, with a toiletry bag in his left hand.
“I know, but like I said - no body, no crime.” Brian repeated and turned to
take the small bag from Justin. “We’re out of luck. But they’re not going to
come back around here. It’d be too risky. So don’t worry about it.” He assured
and then put the bag into the suitcase. He didn’t want Justin freaking out
while he was alone, but it also wasn’t fair to just leave him out of the loop
when he was the one who had seen the murder in the first place.  "It didn't
even matter that I found Hunter and he verified everything you'd said.  He just
wanted to keep his pension."
"Of course..."  Justin muttered, shaking his head.  Justin flopped back onto
the bed and placed his hands behind his head. Brian surveyed him, feeling a
need grow in him very quickly. He turned away and tried to focus on his trip
instead. He knew Justin wasn’t trying to seduce him…But the boy didn’t even
have to try.  It had been a long time since he'd been able to fuck him and his
cock missed the most perfect ass he'd ever had.
“Call me if you need anything, okay? Any time. I’ll leave my phone on.” He
promised, going so far as to reach into his pocket and turn up the volume.
“Alright. I won’t wish you luck. You won’t need it.” Justin said and Brian just
smiled a bit.
This was nice. This was exactly what he needed before he left Justin for the
first time since it. It was normal. It was so much like before that he almost
felt as if it had all just been a bad dream. He took a moment to enjoy it, then
grabbed the suitcase and gave Justin a wink. “Later.” He promised, and left.
“Later!” Was the last thing he heard before the loft door closed behind him.
===============================================================================
Once Brian was gone Justin let out a long breath. He closed his eyes, then he
rolled over to Brian’s side of the bed to grab his pillow and held it close. He
wasn’t looking forward to being alone for a few days, but he would make it.
He’d already made the resolution to fight for his old life, and he wasn’t going
to give up on it just because of a surprise business trip.  After all Brian had
done for him he owed it to the man to support him in this; not to mention he
was right, they both needed Brian's job.
He took a long breath to remember Brian’s smell, and then got out of the bed
and walked back to the window. He was frustrated that the cops weren’t going to
pursue anything, but he could see the point. There was no body…yet.
His eyes trailed over to the computer. Maybe he could shake them up a little
bit. They could get nervous and move the body from wherever they stashed it.
‘No. Brian said to drop it.’ He thought, but he couldn’t seem to stop himself
from moving over to the computer. He sat at the chair and shook the mouse to
wake up the screen. It was a little awkward as Brian was right handed and he
couldn’t use his right hand. But he moved it over to the other side and managed
to get a hang of it. Using only his left hand he brought up the police
department website and smiled when he saw that Rikert and Stockwell still had
information on the website. The IT group hadn’t taken down their information
yet because their retirement was so sudden and recent.
He swiftly made a fake email address and typed out a message.
‘I know who you are. I know what you did. You will not get away with this.’
Satisfied with his short, but direct message, he pressed send. He leaned back
in the chair and gazed at the screen with a satisfied smile. If that didn’t
shake them up, he didn’t know what would.
 
Chapter End Notes
     I am currently experiencing logging in issues at MW. As soon as those
     are resolved this chapter will be added over there as well. Sorry!!
***** Chapter 14 *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
It was a slow night for Carl. There were no calls and he didn’t have any
paperwork, so he was half-falling asleep as he played solitaire on his computer
and trying to stop thinking about his encounter with Brian Kinney earlier. ‘I
hope you can rest easy taking those checks when you let two murderers go
free.’ He couldn’t get the knot in his stomach to go away ever since the man
had left.
He shook his head, trying to clear it. He couldn’t get involved in this.
Stockwell may be retired, but he could still make his life hell. And he was so
close to his own retirement that he couldn’t rock the boat. After forty years
of doing the right thing, he had earned it. All he had to do was look the other
way. He focused on the screen and moved over a string of cards, clearing up a
spot for a king.
He then grunted in frustration before placing a hand on his face and closing
his eyes. He just couldn’t get the picture of that boy out of his mind. He had
died so young.
Carl huffed as he closed the game and plucked the sticky note from the pad that
Brian had written the address on. He gazed at it and then groaned in
frustration. ‘Damn conscience.’ He thought to himself. He stuck the note to the
side of his computer screen and picked up his phone.
“Hey, Patrice.” He said and rolled his eyes when he was answered with a shrill
and angry voice. “Yeah, yeah I know it’s the middle of the night. But I need a
favor. Get me the public records for 384 Fuller, # 402.”
===============================================================================
Justin grunted as he struggled to get the camera Brian had bought him out of
the box. He was holding the box between his knees and pulling it out with his
left hand while his right throbbed.   “Come on…dammit…get out!” He cursed and
jerked his hand back, finally pulling the camera free.
“Okay…How do I work this thing?” He asked, flipping it up and over, searching
for the on button. He didn’t have time to read any instructions; they could go
over to the apartment at any moment. He eventually found the way to turn it on
and the camera hummed and whirred as the lens opened. “Finally.” He murmured
and then balanced the camera on the windowsill as he sat backwards on the
couch.
He looked down at the screen and moved it until it was looking into the window
across the street. He then zoomed in until it was easy to see inside and
smiled, satisfied. “Alright. I’m ready for you.” He shifted and stared at the
screen intently.
He didn’t have to wait long. He saw movement on the other side of the street
but not in the apartment. It was in the Cleaver’s apartment. He turned the
camera to the right and gasped as he saw Rikert and Stockwell barge into the
apartment and grab June and Ward.  “Oh shit…”  Justin murmured in shock.
The two murderers began beating the couple and Justin knew why.   It was his
email.  They must have assumed it came from one of the neighbors.  “Fuck…”  He
murmured as he used his gimp hand to hold the camera in place while his left
took shots of their attack.  He was shaking and biting his lip as he watched
the couple get beaten. 
Punches were being thrown and Justin flinched as one of the cops grabbed a lamp
and smacked Ward on the head with it.  Flashbacks to his bashing suddenly lit
up his mind and he let out a moan.  His head flared into pain and his hand
began to throb again.  “No…No.”  He murmured and forced his eyes open; he
wasn’t going to let Hobbs ruin this.  He was getting proof.  He clicked off a
few more shots as his heart raced. 
June was cowering next to her husband’s body and crying profusely as one hand
cupped her eye.  Justin then glanced over his shoulder to the phone sitting on
the desk.  He should call the police.  He looked back to take a few more
pictures and then went to get the phone, but something stopped him.
One of the murderers walked over to the window and looked right at him.  Justin
stiffened and then gasped when he pointed a finger in his direction.  “Oh no…” 
He whispered shakily.  His partner walked over to the window as well and locked
eyes with Justin.  He drew a thumb across his neck and then they both turned
and ran out of the apartment.
Justin flew away from the window.  He first ran to the door and locked it up. 
He tugged it, just to test it.  Then, he went to the phone and dialed 911.  He
paced frantically as it rang and rang, wondering why no operator picked up
right away.  He kept his eyes on the door, wondering how long it would be
before they began pounding on it.  “Oh god…”  He whispered frantically.  “Pick
up.  Pick up!”
“911, what’s your emergency?”  A woman’s voice asked in a calm voice.
“Two men are trying to kill me!”  Justin exclaimed, his voice breaking into the
phone.  Suddenly, he found it difficult to breathe and his vision was getting
blurry. 
“Sir, you need to calm down-.”
“No!  They’re going to kill me!  They’re going to kill me!”  Justin exclaimed,
and in the back of his head he knew a panic attack was coming on, but he was
powerless to stop it, no matter how badly he wanted to.  He’d never calmed
himself down from one before – he’d always had Brian there to help him.  Now,
with death literally knocking on the door he couldn’t get himself under
control.
“Sir, I can’t help you if you don’t calm down.  Where are you?”  She asked, but
Justin couldn’t hear her.
All he could hear was his gasping breath and pounding heart.  In his mind’s eye
he could see them busting down the door and beating him just as they had the
Cleavers.  “Not again…please, not again…”  He moaned pitifully.  He’d been
lucky to survive one attack, he knew that he wouldn’t survive another.
“Sir, please.  Where are you?”
Pounding on the door.  Justin could hear the metallic clangs as the two men
tried to get in.  “Oh god, they’re here.”  He whimpered and shut his eyes, as
if he could hide from them if he couldn’t see them. 
He never should have sent that e-mail.  But he never would have imagined that
they’d see him.  Though, he should have; if he can see them, they should be
able to see him.  The pounding continued, and it blocked out the sound of the
woman’s voice.  Justin was alone.  Brian wasn’t there to save him this time. 
Somehow, he’d have to save himself.
“287 Fuller…and T-Tremont.” He forced the words out of his mouth and closed his
eyes, feeling a small sense of pride in himself.  It was quickly shaken when
another bang on the door echoed through the loft.  “Fourth floor.”  He heard
her ask something, but he was shaking so badly that the phone fell from his
hand.  Before he was able to bend and pick it back up, however, something
pierced his ears so loudly that he had to cover them.  He fell to his knees and
cringed as they rang with a high pitched whine.
Confused, disoriented, and frightened, Justin couldn’t possibly imagine what
the source of the noise was – or what it meant for him.  Unable to hear, and
unwilling to open his eyes, he was defenseless on the floor of the loft.  He
cried out when he felt hands on his arms, jerking him upwards.
Justin cried out both out of fear and pain, as his arms protested the jerking
movement.  He was pulled up to his feet and then they tried moving him, but
Justin wasn’t going without a fight.  He knew that if he let them take him,
he’d be killed.  So, he jerked and twisted, he fought and kicked, as he
struggled to get free of their hold.  He forced his eyes back open and latched
onto the support beam which was nearby. 
He could hear them talking, but for the life of him he couldn’t understand what
they were saying.  It was almost as if they were speaking another language.  He
held on as tightly as he could, but was forced to let go when they tugged on
his body and it felt like his arms were going to come out of their sockets. 
His fingers slipped off the bar and he flew backwards due to the pull of their
arms.  However, they must not have expected it, because they let go of him.
Taking this opportunity, he pushed himself up to his feet and started running
for the door.  Before he could take more than a few steps, however, his ankle
was grabbed and he fell back to the floor.  He caught his hand on the desk and
knocked over a few things.
“What are you doing?!  Grab him!”
One of them shouted and Justin tried to get up once more, but the hold on his
ankle was like a vice and he couldn’t break free; even as he tried to kick it
off with his other foot.  He was grabbed again and then he felt something hit
him in the back of the head.
Everything went black.
===============================================================================
“Let’s kill him in the car. We can dump the body somewhere. The river or
something.” Kenneth suggested as he maneuvered Justin towards the door.
“Are you insane?! One was bad enough – we can’t kill another person. Besides,
this isn’t some hustler no one cares about. Don’t you know who this kid is?!”
Jim demanded in a brusque whisper. He pointed towards Justin and snarled in
disgust – it had to be Justin Taylor.
“Should I?” Kenneth asked sarcastically, dumping Justin none-too-gently onto
the ground.
“Yes, damnit! He got his head bashed in a few months ago at his prom. If he’s
killed people are going to be up in arms. We can’t just disappear. They won’t
stop until those responsible are caught – which is us!” Jim reminded as he
walked over to the computer and started tinkering on it, looking for the e-mail
that was sent. He needed to be sure that this boy was the one who sent it. It
was possible that he had simply seen them attacking the people across the
street, though his gut told him it wasn’t that easy.
Opening up the e-mail he saw that it was still logged on, and he pulled up the
message with a single click. “Fuck…It’s him.” He murmured and rubbed his
forehead with a shake of his head. This was getting too out-of-hand. He never
should have let things get this far.
“Then we kill him.” Kenneth repeated, kicking Justin in the side.
“Will you stop?!” Jim shouted angrily and pushed Kenneth away from the boy.
“Just let me think.” He demanded and balled his fist in front of his mouth as
his mind raced.
Kenneth sighed heavily next to him and moved deeper into the loft. He picked up
a few things from the kitchen counter to examine them, and then set them back
down. Before he could move up into the bedroom, however, Jim stopped him. “Are
you planning on putting your fingerprints everywhere?” He asked, wondering why
Kenneth seemed to be so stupid all of a sudden. “We’ll have to wipe down
everything we’ve touched and get him out of here. Come on.” He ordered and
looked under the sink.
He grabbed a container of bleach wipes and began to clean up everything Kenneth
touched. “You get him down into the car. We’ll figure out what to do with him
later.” He said, not wanting to risk Kenneth touching anything else. He’d
already put them in too much risk.
“Fine.” His former partner snapped at him angrily and bent to pick up Justin.
He threw him over his shoulders and then walked out of the loft.
Jim continued to work swiftly, remembering everything they’d touched since
getting inside. He couldn’t miss anything, because both his and Rikert’s prints
were on file because of their careers. ‘Or former careers…’ He thought
bitterly.
He had everything planned out; after he had a few years as Chief of Police
under his belt he’d run for mayor. But then, he let Kenneth convince him to
just try one of the boys he’d found.
He loved his wife, and his kids, but there was something so satisfying about
burying himself deep into a young man. He’d gotten addicted to it; to the
feeling and the secrecy. That boy that they’d killed had been his favorite thus
far. He had wanted to enjoy him for some time to come, but Kenneth tied the
ropes too tight and they hadn’t noticed him struggle to breathe.
One small mistake and everything was ruined.
But he’d be damned before anyone found out. It wasn’t too late to salvage the
situation. He’d just have to handle Taylor, and then he could get back on
track.
He scanned the loft once more, wondering how it was a young boy like Taylor
afforded something so extravagant, and then nodded. He’d hidden their prints
and hopefully no one would know they were here. He turned and followed Kenneth
out of the loft, his mind still racing.
===============================================================================
“I have a B and E at 287 Fuller street.  Need a car there ASAP.”  The voice of
the dispatcher announced over the radio in Carl’s car.  He looked down at it in
shock, recognizing the address because he’d been there before – and he was on
his way there right now.
“Oh no…”  He murmured, the importance of the announcement not lost on him. He
sped up, turning on his siren to get the way cleared for him, and went over to
the apartment building as quickly as he could.  He grabbed the radio as he did,
answering the dispatcher.  “Carl here.  On my way.”  He then dropped the mic to
the side, wanting to focus on getting there as quickly as possible. He
screeched to a halt outside and then ran up the stairs to the fourth floor. 
When he arrived he was out of breath and huffing a bit, but he continued on. 
The door was ajar and when he inspected it he saw that the lock had been shot
open.  He placed his finger around the darkened edge of the metal, and it was
still warm to the touch.  “Brian!  Justin!”  He called out, and pushed the door
open more.  He saw inside the loft and knew he was too late.  The loft wasn’t
completely trashed, but he recognized the signs of struggle when he saw it.  He
moved over to the desk first, which was the worst of the destruction.
He pulled out his cell phone and quickly called the department.  “This is
Horvath.  I have two missing persons; high risk.  Suspects are Kenneth Rikert
and James Stockwell.”  He said as he sat at the computer and saw an email
pulled up.  When he read it, he frowned sadly.  Since he hadn’t helped them,
they decided to help themselves.  They gave themselves away.
“Yes!  That Rikert and Stockwell.  They are suspects in a murder witnessed by
these two men.  Get back-up here now!” He shouted and then snapped his phone
shut with a sigh.
This was all his fault. He felt the guilt begin to eat at him, putting his
stomach in a tight knot. Brian had been pleading with him to listen to them,
and he’d been more worried about his own pension than the lives of innocent
people. He was almost as bad as Rikert and Stockwell themselves.
But, it wasn’t too late.
There were no bodies, so for some reason the two thought Brian and Justin were
needed alive. Though, he doubted that would be the case for long. He would need
to find them – and fast. He wasn’t going to let two more innocent people die.
 
Chapter End Notes
     So, I will point out that obviously Brian isn't with Justin - but
     Carl doesn't know that. In any case, let me know what you think! :)
***** Chapter 15 *****
Carl sat on one of the stairs up into the bedroom as he watched CSI search for
evidence in the main part of the loft. He continued to feel his guilt weigh
heavily on him, however, it didn’t stop his determination from bubbling inside
of him. But…He was at a loss. He didn’t know how to proceed or where to look
for Brian and Justin. Where would Kenneth and Jim take them? How long would
they keep them alive?
He thought about Justin mostly, and his haunted eyes. The boy was troubled, and
now he knew why. One of the CSI agents had made a passing comment and ended up
jogging his memory.  He remembered him from the newspapers – a victim of a hate
crime. Now, he didn’t really understand how one man could be attracted to
another, but he didn’t wish any harm on them. He had thought it was extremely
unfair when Justin’s attacker had basically gone free.
No wonder the kid had issues.
He couldn’t even imagine what he must be going through right now. With that
thought, Carl suddenly sat up straight and gasped. Justin had a psychologist.
Carl wracked his brain for the man’s name and stood abruptly. He reached into
his pocket and pulled out his small note pad and flipped back to when Justin
and Brian had first called him.
“Alex Wilder…” He murmured, and found that the business card that Alex had
given him was still stuck in the notebook.  He pulled it out and quickly called
him up, hoping he’d answer even though it was the middle of the night.  He
turned and stepped all the way up into the bedroom as he didn’t want to bother
the other officers.
“H-Hello?” A groggy and clearly half-asleep voice answered and Carl sighed in
relief.
“Doctor Wilder, this is Detective Horvath. We spoke some time ago…about your
patient Justin Taylor.”  He added when he wasn’t sure it was enough to help him
remember, it was the middle of the night after all. 
“Yeah, yeah I remember you. What’s going on?  Why are you calling so late?”  He
asked and Carl could hear the hint of fear in his voice.
“Justin and Brian have been kidnapped. I need to know, with Justin’s condition,
how you suspect he’d react to this kind of situation.”  He asked gently, and
gave Alex time to react.
“Wh…wait. What?!  Kidnapped?”  He exclaimed.
“Yes. Turns out they were right about the murder.  I came as soon as I could,
but it wasn’t soon enough.  I just worry that with Justin’s state of mind the
two might not think he’s worth keeping alive.”  He admitted and heard a long,
sad sigh on the other end.
“As I’m sure you gathered from that night, Justin isn’t well. Being kidnapped…I
can’t imagine what it would do to his psyche; only that it wouldn’t be good. 
But, if Brian is with him, that might be a saving grace.  Brian is able to keep
Justin calm, even in a situation like this - it’s almost like Brian is his
medication.”  Alex spoke confidently, and it gave Carl a little bit of hope. 
“How long ago did this happen?”  He asked and Carl frowned.
“Less than an hour. I was already on my way here when I got the call.” ‘If only
I had left sooner…’ Carl lamented for what felt like the thousandth time that
night.
“If there’s anything I can do to help, let me know.” Alex offered, and Carl
promised he would before hanging up.
Carl slid the phone back into his pocket and glanced out to the living room
before turning back into the bedroom. He looked at the bed, then the dresser. 
He walked over it to see the container of weed that was next to the ashtray. 
He scowled, but picked it up and hid in one of the drawers so no one else would
see it.  He shut it back up quickly and decided not to snoop anymore – they
deserved their privacy and the officers would work their way into the bedroom
soon enough.
He walked down the few steps and was going to leave so he could continue the
search himself, but was stopped by a shout of one of the uniforms. “Hey!  Come
look at this!”  He exclaimed, standing near the couch next to the window. 
Curiosity piqued, Carl walked over to him to see him holding an expensive
looking digital camera. He bent over to see the screen and watched the officer
click through the only photos taken on the camera. Some were blurry, but it was
still easy to see. Rikert and Stockwell were assaulting a couple across the
street.
Carl walked over to the window and looked through it to the apartment. He could
see the forms of the couple still crumpled on the floor. “We need an ambulance
here immediately!” He ordered, and ran out to the other building to go help
them. As he moved, he pulled out his cell phone again. Even though the couple
needed his immediate attention, he wasn’t going to let Rikert and Stockwell get
away with Brian and Justin.
“Patrice, me again. I need all the addresses of buildings owned by James
Stockwell.”
===============================================================================
Justin came to with a splitting headache. He rolled onto his back and reached a
hand up to rub his head, but found his hands stuck. His eyes shot open and he
tried to pull his hands apart but found a thick rope tied tightly around them.
His hands were numb, and he couldn’t even wiggle them enough to try and get
some blood flowing back into them. When he tried to move them up to his head
together he felt the rope dig in behind his back and realized that he had been
trussed up like some kind of county fair pig.
He blinked and then squeezed his eyes tightly as the pain in his head
threatened to overwhelm him. He wished he could force the pain away, but it
seemed the more he thought about it the stronger it got. He tried to moan but
his tongue felt as numb as his hands did. He grimaced instead, and rolled back
onto his side. Even tied up he was able to get himself onto his knees.
Once he was steady he opened his eyes and looked around. All he could see was
darkness. He had the feeling of being in a small, dirty room. It smelled moldy
and old.  He could feel dirt clumps on his knees through his jeans. He couldn’t
hear anything except for a steady drip of a faucet somewhere, but it echoed in
the room so he couldn’t even look towards it.
‘I’m not at home…’
That was the first coherent thought he had. That much was obvious, but it was a
monumental event to him. He hadn’t left the loft in months. It felt unnerving
to be out of the four walls that had been his only safe haven since Prom. It
made his skin itch and he could feel the panic begin to set in.
‘Brian. I need Brian.’
He thought desperately as he struggled to breathe. But Brian wasn’t there – he
was in Chicago working. Brian probably didn’t even know he’d been taken. He
shut his eyes tightly as they began to water with tears. He didn’t want to cry
or lose control, because Rikert and Stockwell might hear him and he didn’t want
them to know he was awake, but he couldn’t stop himself. He hiccupped and
gasped in air as he continued to shake. The tears broke free and streamed down
his face in waves. They were going to kill him. He didn’t know why they hadn’t
already, but it was just a fact. He hoped it wasn’t like the hustler though. He
wanted it to be fast. He might ask them to make it fast. Maybe they’d have some
sympathy on him.
‘Listen to yourself! Weak little faggot.’ He thought angrily – though the voice
sounded suspiciously like Hobbs.
It was just so easy to give in. He’d been planning his own suicide off and on
for the past few months. This way, Brian could be saved the trouble of cleaning
him up. Now the man could just move on with his life for good. He’d get that
client, come back, and be the Brian Kinney everyone knew and respected. His
life wouldn’t be taken over by some kid who was too scared to go outside.
‘But I don’t want to die.’
Justin thought back to earlier that night when he’d been holding the blade
against his wrist. It felt like a lifetime ago now, but he remembered the
feeling of hope he’d had as he thought about his life with Brian. Sure, he had
been depressed lately, but last year had been the best year of his life – all
thanks to Brian.  If meeting Brian led to getting attacked, he'd still do it
all over again.
He recaptured that feeling and held onto it. He didn’t want to die, and he
wasn’t going to give in. He fought too long, and too hard, to have a place in
Brian’s life just to throw it away. Maybe he had sent that e-mail hoping to be
caught, hoping to be killed, but he’d made his decision once and for all.
Justin Taylor was a fighter. If Rikert and Stockwell wanted to kill him, he’d
make them work for it.
He rolled his lips into his mouth and just imagined what it was that Brian
would say to him when he was having attacks. ‘Shhh, Sunshine. I'm here.  Just
breathe in and breathe out. Listen to me do it.’ Justin would then listen and
feel Brian breathing in and out slowly. He mimicked the action from memory.
He breathed in deeply and slowly from his mouth, remembering the feeling of the
rise and fall of Brian’s chest as he would hold him and help him. He held it
for a moment, thinking about the security of Brian’s arms around him. He
breathed back out slowly through his nose and recalled the smell of Brian’s
unique scent; the smell he had when he’d washed clean of the cigarettes and
leather.
Justin could feel the panic begin to fade and his heart stopped racing. He’d
done it, all on his own. He even smiled a bit, despite the situation.
With his body relaxed and his mind clear, Justin thought about his situation.
He knew it was only a matter of time before they came to check on him. He could
possibly pretend to be asleep still, but that wouldn’t get him anywhere. He had
to work on a way out.  If only his head would stop pounding then he’d be able
to think clearer.
They had him tied up like professionals, and so he knew that no amount of
squirming or wriggling was going to get him free. He’d have to try to talk them
out of killing him, and convince them to let him go. ‘Yeah fucking right…They
aren’t stupid.’ He thought bitterly.
He tugged at the ropes again, but they still failed to budge. He hadn’t
expected them to, but he didn’t think it hurt to try. He shook his head and
closed his eyes, wondering what he should say to convince them to let him live.
He tried moving around in the room, but it was difficult because of his forced
kneeling position. He had to roll in semi-circles on his back. He couldn’t feel
anything he could use as a weapon.
As he was rolling, he could hear footsteps and voices get closer. The voices
echoed a bit, and made it easier for him to hear them as they came for him. His
heart picked up again, but he was able to stop himself from losing control and
breaking down.
“…making a mistake. This kid is nothing but trouble for us. We need to end it
now.” One voice said, though Justin had no idea which one of them it was.
“I’m not telling you again. This isn’t some hustler we can dump in the river
and no one will care about.” The second voice was deeper, and far more
authoritative.
Justin withheld a gasp.  'So that's what they did with him.  But how'd they get
his body out so fast with the rest of their stuff?' 
“You keep saying how special this Taylor kid is. But who the fuck cares? What
happened when his attacker went free? Nothing. Sure people might get mad, but
nothing’s going to happen. Just another gay kid gone missing.” The first voice
said and it caused chills to go down Justin’s spine.
They knew who he was. More importantly, one of them had reservations about
killing him because of his attack. There might be hope yet.
“I’m not going to get caught up in some kind of investigation, Kenneth! We
can’t just pretend that nothing happened. We can’t go back to the way things
were before!” The second voice answered; who must be Stockwell, Justin’s
logical mind told him.
“And what the hell are we supposed to do with him, huh?!” Kenneth asked and
Justin shifted uncomfortably.
“I’ll figure it out!” Jim shouted back.
They fell into silence and Justin rolled his lips into his mouth. Maybe they’d
keep on going and leave him be for now, until they figured out what it was they
wanted to do with him.
He wasn’t so lucky.
He heard the screech of metal on metal, which did nothing to help ease his
headache, and then his eyes were flooded with light that pooled into the room.
The two stormed in and looked down at him.  “You’re awake.”  Jim said and then
dropped a small plate of what looked like left-overs.
Justin furrowed his brow, because he didn’t know how he was expected to eat
tied up the way he was. Before he could voice his protest, however, Kenneth
flicked open a knife and cut the ropes around him free.  Justin thought about
making a run for it at that moment, but with both of them standing between him
and the door, he knew it would be pointless.  Instead, he hesitantly reached
for the food.
“How long have I been here?” He asked, keeping his eyes down and voice low.
He didn’t think they were going to answer him at first, but Stockwell squatted
down in front of him after a moment. “A few hours.”  He answered and Justin
nodded, not sure what he was supposed to do with that knowledge, but he’d
needed to know.
He struggled to eat. His right hand was rebelling more than usual and his left
was still numb from being tied up.  He also felt the weight of their eyes on
him.  He hated it.  He just kept telling himself to act normal.  He didn’t want
to freak out and have a meltdown, or else they’d probably think he wasn’t worth
the effort of keeping alive.  All of his effort was going to keeping himself
from having a meltdown.  Every second he didn't he congratulated himself - just
hours before he wouldn't be able to see his own family, let alone these two
murderers.  He wondered if it was merely his survival instinct kicking in, or
if it was truly his mind getting better, but in the end he decided it didn't
matter.
One of them made a move, so he shakily put a few bites of chicken in his mouth
before moving onto the roll they’d given him. It was hard and stale, and he
wondered where they even found food like that. “Do you have water?” He asked
his throat parched and lips dry.
“Yeah.” James said, pulling a bottle out from somewhere behind him. Justin
struggled to open the lid. He couldn’t hold the bottle steady enough with his
right hand to twist the cap off. And he couldn’t twist the cap off with his
right hand while his left held it.
Seeing him struggle, Kenneth grunted and snatched it away. “What the fuck is
wrong with you?!” He asked, clearly annoyed with having to deal with him at
all. When he shoved the bottle back a bit of the water jostled out of it and
splashed onto the floor.
“My hand is messed up from the attack.” He said, knowing they were aware of the
attack on his prom. “I can’t move it right.”
“Oh god…He’s a gimp Jim!”
Justin flinched at the cruelty of his words, even though he’d said the same
thing about himself in the past.
“No one is going to care about a gimp! Let’s get this over with.”
Kenneth advanced towards him and Justin stumbled back, reflexively. The bottle
toppled over and the water spilled out onto the floor. He didn’t stop until he
hit a wall behind him, but James had stood up between them and stopped Kenneth
from getting to him. “What’s wrong with you?” James demanded and Justin watched
with wide eyes and heavy pants.
“I’m not going to fuck over the rest of my life just because some gimped fag
saw what we did.” Kenneth insisted and James shoved him backwards.
Kenneth glared down at Justin for a moment, and then spun to leave the room. He
didn’t forget to kick Justin’s plate of food over, however. Justin scowled a
bit and then turned his gaze onto James – knowing that he was his only hope of
getting out of this alive. For whatever reason, he had reservations about
killing him. Justin needed to prey on those.
“Please let me go.” He said softly and James just scoffed and shook his head.
“Kid-.”
“No, listen! I’ll tell everyone I made it up. I’m not right in the head. I even
have a therapist who thinks I made it up. I’ll tell them all it was a
nightmare. No one will know.” He assured, speaking swiftly.  He wisely kept
quiet about the pictures of their attack on the Cleavers quiet; he could still
get them arrested with those pictures if he could convince them to let him go
first.
“What about this, huh? We kidnapped you.” James didn’t exactly sound
sympathetic, but Justin pressed on.
“I’ll say it was someone else and you found me. You’ll be a hero! Please…I…I
don’t want to die. Please…” Justin’s voice broke as his emotions started to
overwhelm him again. Hot tears ran down his cheeks and his throat began to
constrict. He had just decided that he wanted to live his life with Brian – it
couldn’t just be ripped away from him. It wasn’t fair!
James was silent for a long moment as he stared down at him. Justin heard him
sigh and then stand to silently leave the room. Justin curled his knees up to
his chest and placed his forehead on them. He wrapped his arms around his legs
and stayed curled up in a small ball, wishing he was back home – safe.
‘Brian…Please find me. Please…’
That was when he realized something.
They hadn’t tied him back up.
 
***** Chapter 16 *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Carl was back at the station now, having made sure the couple had made it to
the hospital. He was sitting at his desk with a large map of the city sprawled
out over it, and a sheet of paper in his hand. The paper held all of the
addresses owned by James Stockwell, which had been faxed over by Patrice.
Luckily for him, the list was short.
There was his home, the apartment, an office building in the financial
district, and a warehouse on the outskirts of the city limits. Carl knew he had
to have taken them there. He found it on the map, circled it, and quickly
plotted the fastest course. He then ran back out of the office, letting
dispatch know he was on their heels and to send back-up.
===============================================================================
Realizing he was free to roam the room, Justin stood and began feeling his way
around. He knew he had to work fast – Stockwell was on the fence about killing
him, but he wasn’t going to count on his indecision for long. Rikert could very
easily convince him to end it at any moment.
He felt along the wall, which was cold to the touch and metallic. He found the
room he was in was small, only about ten paces in each direction. He didn’t
feel any furniture or a way to turn on any lights. He then felt along the floor
for anything that might be of use. It was much easier now that he could move
around. He wasn’t expecting to find anything, but when he reached the back
corner his hands fell on a thin metal rod.
He gripped it in his left hand and pulled it up to find it sat heavily in his
grip. He stood and swung it a bit, but with him only using one hand it was
unruly and difficult to wield. So, he forced his right hand open and clenched
it around the base of the rod, just like a baseball bat.
The motion wasn’t lost on him and he shivered as images of that night started
flashing in his head.
‘You look hot Daphne. I’d fuck you.’
‘You…You too, Brian.’
‘I thought you wouldn’t be caught dead in a room full of eighteen year olds.’
‘I’ve come to recapture my lost youth.’
Justin gasped as he could see Brian’s face, spinning and twirling. He felt
lighter than air as Brian danced with him in the middle of the room. He
couldn’t see anyone else, because they weren’t there. It was only him and
Brian. They were the only ones who mattered.
Brian’s eyes seemed brighter – clearer – than they’d ever been before. He
looked into them as he was spun, and dipped, and lifted. They said only one
thing, and Justin could see it clearly in his mind as if it happened yesterday.
‘I love you.’
There were no words, but the meaning was clear. Justin suddenly felt the same
emotion he felt that night. Wholeness. For the first time in his life he felt
complete.
More memories came – darker ones.
‘We gave them a night they’ll never forget.’
‘Me neither.’
Brian hesitated before kissing him, because it was different than all of their
kisses before. It was special. That kiss meant more than all of the hundreds of
other kisses they’d shared. It was as if he was asking for permission before
taking the next step forward.
Then, Brian took a step back.
Brian was getting back into his Jeep.
‘Later.’
‘Later…’
He turned and walked away, swing his hands from the scarf around his neck. He
remembered thinking how he couldn’t wait to get back inside and get Daphne
home…So he could get to ‘later’ with Brian.
Then –
‘JUSTIN!’
He had turned in time to see the blur of the bat. Then there was nothing.
Justin panted and used the pole to help support him. The memories continued to
swirl around in his mind like a whirlpool. Flashes of people’s faces, Daphne’s
smile, Brian’s eyes. They all began jumbling together.
He let out a whimper and fell to his knees. His hands pressed against his head.
To stop himself from going crazy, he picked one image and held onto it. It was
Brian, holding him securely against him as he spun them both in a small circle.
He was in the air, but that wasn’t why he felt weightless.
The light was shining on Brian’s face and his smile was broad.
Justin smiled thinking about it.
‘He loves me.’ He thought, holding onto the memory as tightly as he
could. ‘Brian loves me.’
Justin could hear footsteps pounding down the hallway. They must have realized
they hadn’t tied him up. Justin looked towards the door, remembering where it
was even in the darkness. He stood, gripped the bar in both hands once more,
and stood next to the door with it raised – ready to strike.
‘Fuck Rikert.’ He thought as he forced his right hand back around the bar,
refusing to feel the pain as it throbbed in protest.
‘Fuck Stockwell.’ He tightened his gaze on the door as it swung open and bathed
the room in light once more.
‘And fuck Hobbs.’ He swung.
He felt it hit and heard the cry from one of them. He didn’t wait to find out
which. He bolted from the room, jumping over the body of the man he hit. He
felt a hand reach out to grab him, but he slid past without it finding
purchase. He sprinted down the hallway and was led into a large, open
warehouse. He didn’t stop running even as his eyes searched desperately for a
door outside.
“No!” James shouted behind him, and a shot ricocheted off the floor near his
feet. Justin flinched, but he didn’t stop running. On the other side of the
open room he saw a door. He ran towards it and threw all of his weight into it.
It burst open and he fell onto the ground on the other side.
Ignoring the suddenly pain in his shoulder, he pushed himself back up and began
running barefoot around the building. He figured it must have been some kind of
steel yard, because he could see long rows of metal rods lined up on the
ground. He ran around them as they were taller than he was and would stop the
bullets from hitting him. It seemed Stockwell had finally made his choice.
He continued running but found he was in a network of warehouses and he
couldn’t find the way out of them. He took turns and hoped eventually he would
find a way out and back into the city, but every turn he took just led him to
another row of warehouses.
Even with his adrenalin pumping, Justin knew he couldn’t run for much farther.
He’d never been athletic and had spent the last few months holed up in the loft
– he was no runner. He made another turn and then gasped in shock. There was a
road, leading away from the warehouses. But it was gated up with a chainlink
fence and barbed wire on the top. Justin ran to it anyways and started tugging
on it desperately. “No, no, no, no!” He shouted angrily.
He was so close to freedom!
He panted and turned, trying to find another way out, but Stockwell ran up
behind him with his gun out and pointed at him. Justin stopped, panting
heavily. He continued to look around for a way out, but he saw nothing.
Warehouses had him pinned in on either side and the gate was locked behind him.
Justin licked his lips nervously as his eyes locked onto Stockwell’s. “Don’t do
this.” He pleaded loudly, his voice sounding flat now that they were outside.
“It’s too late, Kid. Things got out of hand. I’m sorry you have to pay for it.”
James cocked the gun and Justin put his hands up defensively. He took a step
back out of instinct and he ran into the chain link.
“You can’t run from it forever. You’re always going to be gay!” Justin
exclaimed and it stunned Stockwell. So much so he even lowered the gun.
He glared at Justin though. “I’m not gay! I just…I like the way it feels. You
know what! Fuck you! I don’t have to explain anything to you!”
Justin shook his head slowly. “The person who did this to me,” Justin raised
his cramped right hand. “He’s hiding too. And one day, he’s going to realize
there isn’t a reason to and he’s going to regret what he did to me. He’s just
afraid…Just like you. But things will be better if you just accept who you
are.” Justin continued, gaining a little confidence as the gun stayed pointed
to the ground. “I know you didn’t mean to kill the hustler. And you’re afraid
that if people find out about it, they’ll realize who you really are. That’s
why you covered it up completely, isn’t it? You could have just told people you
found him that way - no one would have questioned you. But they would have
wondered how you found a gay hustler.”
“I worked too hard to get to where I am. And I love my family!” Stockwell
insisted bitterly, tapping his heart. Justin nodded.
“I’m sure you do. But you can’t hide this forever. That urge is always going to
be there. That desire…Someone tried to beat it out of me and it’s still there.”
Justin reminded and he could see Stockwell’s eyes go to his hand again.
“…Maybe.” Stockwell said, slowly looking back at Justin. Something in the man’s
eyes had changed, though. It seemed off. Like he’d made a decision that Justin
wasn’t going to like. He braced himself. “That may be. But I can’t let you go,
Taylor. You’d ruin everything I’ve worked for. Decades of planning – ruined!
I’m not willing to let that happen!” Stockwell exclaimed and the gun came back
up.
Justin closed his eyes tightly and held his breath as he prepared for the shot
to fire.
“Freeze!”
Justin was confused because he already was frozen. He peeked his eyes open and
saw a familiar man approaching James with his own gun pointed at him. Justin
wondered how he knew him, and then almost immediately realized that was the
same cop who showed up the night he’d seen the murder. Justin had been too out
of it to really get a good look at him, and he didn’t remember his name, but he
didn’t care. He was here and that was all that mattered.
“Put the gun down, Jim.” He said and Stockwell turned towards him, even though
he kept the gun pointed at Justin. “I’ve got units on their way here right now.
This is over.” He spoke calmly and evenly, and Justin couldn’t help but smile a
bit.
He watched Stockwell’s hand shake a bit, then he relented and lowered the gun.
Justin let out a huge sigh of relief and watched the detective walk forward to
grab it. “Come here, Son.” He said and Justin didn’t hesitate to jog over to
him, ignoring the fact that his feet were cut up and cold. As he walked by him
Stockwell looked into his eyes, then frowned deeply and turned away.
Justin was surprised that he felt sorry for him. He felt like he should say
something, but no more words came to mind. So, he remained quiet and stood by
the detective as he holstered his gun and started taking out his hand cuffs.
The shot was so sudden and unexpected Justin’s heart stopped beating and he
fell to the ground. When his heart started again he saw that the detective had
fallen as well. He looked to Stockwell who was staring towards their left.
Kenneth was there with a gun held up towards them. He had an angry, red welt on
his face from where Justin had hit him.
“Ken! Thank god, come on. Let’s -.” James didn’t get to finish as Rikert shot
him three times in the chest. Justin covered his mouth in shock and watched as
James fell, almost in slow motion. He hit the ground with a thud and his arm
hit Justin’s leg. He scrambled backwards to stop it from touching him.
“You…” Kenneth’s voice was low and menacing. His eyes were locked onto Justin
like a predator. He stalked towards him and Justin was immobilized by fear.
“This is all your fault!” He exclaimed and grabbed the front of Justin’s shirt.
He threw him against the wall of the nearest warehouse and leaned against him.
Justin cringed as he could smell his poor breath. “You should have just minded
your own business. He would have been mine!”
Justin was slammed against the wall again and his head hit it, causing his
vision to blur slightly. In the back of his mind he wondered how many more hits
his head could handle before it decided it wasn’t worth the effort. He could
feel the cold metal of the gun press against his side and he tried to even his
breath so he didn’t have another panic attack.
“There’s no one left to save you.” Kenneth whispered darkly into his ear before
running his tongue up the side of Justin’s neck. He closed his eyes and
shivered as he withheld a gag of disgust.
The gun moved up from his side and to his head. Kenneth let him go and he fell
an inch or so onto the ground, but he couldn’t move. He looked into the man’s
eyes, because he wasn’t going to cower anymore. And when he heard the shot he
knew it was over.
 
Chapter End Notes
     So as if leaving you on a cliffhanger wasn't enough, I'm leaving for
     a week and a half! Sorry, but vacation calls. Please let me know what
     you think though, and I'll get back to you when I return.
***** Chapter 17 *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Justin slumped down the wall slowly, certain that he was dying.  Only…nothing
hurt.  He looked down at his body and saw a splattering of blood across his
chest, but when he patted himself down he felt no wounds.  He looked around for
an explanation to see Kenneth on the ground with a bullet in his head.
Justin squirmed away with a scream and turned as he looked for an explanation. 
He saw the detective, gasping and pressing a hand to his chest were blood was
pouring out.  His other hand was still in the air holding the gun, shaking
violently, and then collapsed weakly onto his side.  Justin bolted to him and
looked down at the wound.  “Are you okay?!”  He asked frantically as he tried
to cover the wound to stop it from bleeding.
“I’ll be alright.  If I can get this patched up soon that is.”  He said and
offered Justin a weak smile.  “Sorry I didn’t believe you before, Kid.”
Justin smiled a bit.  “It’s alright.  I wouldn’t have believed me either.”  He
said softly and then turned as he heard sirens approaching.
“Ahhh…The cavalry has arrived.”  The detective laughed a bit and laid his head
back on the ground, finally relaxing.
===============================================================================
Justin shifted uncomfortably in his hospital gown.  It was coarse and itched
his skin.  In fact, every part of him seemed to crawl as he laid in the MRI and
waited for them to finish scanning his brain.  Logically, he knew they had done
this before when he was in his coma.  However, the fact that all of these
things happened to him and he didn’t remember it unnerved him, so he tried not
to think about it.  Not to mention all of the things of the hospital that he
could remember.  The pure terror he felt whenever someone walked into his
room.  The pain of all of the shots.  The fear and confusion of not knowing
what had happened to him. The last thing he had remembered was being at Babylon
and asking Brian to prom with him.  Then suddenly he was waking up in a
hospital and his entire world had changed – with Brian nowhere in sight.
He frowned as he thought about it.  He started to move his hand to rub at the
scar on his head, but a voice suddenly spoke in the machine.
“Please refrain from moving, Mr. Taylor.”  He said and Justin stilled.
Of course, he remembered now.  He remembered everything.  The nervousness at
seeing Brian approach him through the crowd.  The joy of floating with him on
the dance floor.  The pain of the bat hitting his head.
Justin bit his lip to stop himself from thinking about it anymore.  He
couldn’t.  Instead he thought about what Brian was doing right then.  It was
the middle of the day, so he was probably talking with the client and winning
him over – he was Brian Kinney after all.  Justin smiled as he thought about
it.
Keeping Brian in his thoughts gave him the peace of mind he needed to sit still
until the MRI was over.  He couldn’t wait to tell Brian everything that had
happened.  He made sure no one called Brian because he didn’t want to disrupt
him on his trip; he was sure Brian would get angry at him for it, but he didn’t
care.  He had already sacrificed too much for him the last few months and he
wasn’t going to make him sacrifice his job as well.
When he was done the nurse led him from the MRI room back to his private room. 
There was a uniformed officer outside of his door put there to protect him. 
Though he had thought the idea of someone stalking his door should frighten
him, all it did was make him feel safe – if anyone came to hurt him they’d have
to get through the officer first.  He glanced to the man before walking inside
and sitting on his bed.  He was in pretty good shape, so he wasn’t hooked up to
any IV drips, however, as soon as he was back on the bed the nurse placed a
heartbeat monitor over his finger.
He shifted back onto the bed and watched the nurse check the wires on the
machines before smiling and leaving him alone in the room.  Justin leaned back
against the pillow on the bed and looked around, unsure of what to do with
himself.  Eventually he reached for the remote and turned on the TV.
He didn’t have to stay alone for long, however, because midway through the
episode of Maury he’d been watching he heard familiar voices outside.  He
turned down the volume of the TV and turned to the door with a small smile.
His mother and Debbie.  He could hear them speaking to the officer on the other
side.  The man better let them in soon, for his own good.  He didn’t even want
to think what they would do to him in order to get through.  He rolled his lips
into his mouth and listened to the officer stutter a bit before the door opened
up and both women barged in.
“Oh Sweetie!”
“Sunshine!”
They exclaimed in tandem and rushed for him.
Justin tensed and flinched.  He closed his eyes and turned away sharply because
even though he was getting better, the thought of someone other than Brian
touching him made him uncomfortable.  Both women stopped in their approach. 
“Sorry…”  He murmured uncomfortably.  “I just…Not yet.”  He said, slowly
turning back and offering an apologetic smile.
His mother locked eyes with him for a moment but then nodded and simply held
her hands together in front of her.  “Okay Sweetie.  I’m just so relieved. 
When they called me it was like your prom all over again.”  She suddenly
sniffled and bit her bottom lip. 
“Jen called me right away and we rushed over here.”  Debbie explained as she
grabbed a chair from the edge of the room and pushed it over towards the bed. 
She motioned for Jennifer to sit and she did, still trying to collect herself.
“But I’m okay this time.  I mean…”  Justin paused because he knew he wasn’t
really ‘okay’, but he wasn’t in a coma or on his death bed.  “I got knocked
around a bit but I have no broken bones and the doctor says I don’t have
concussion.”  He reported, feeling uncomfortable with his mother’s emotions –
he was just beginning to get his own in check so he didn’t have the patience to
deal with hers as well.
“Where is Brian?”  Jennifer asked and Justin wondered if it was because she was
worried about him, or once again blaming him for something he had nothing to do
with.
“Chicago.  He left last night.”  Justin answered and both women looked just
about ready to berate the absent man.  “He was going to lose his job if he
didn’t go.  He left before anything happened.  He had no idea.”  Justin
informed, emphasizing the point that Brian couldn’t have helped him and it
wasn’t his fault he was in the hospital again.  He managed to silence them
before they could start and Debbie offered him an apologetic shrug.
“So Brian is safe.  Good.”  His mom offered and Justin could hear the
hesitation in her voice.  He ignored it.  He was too tired to push the issue.
“I don’t want him to know what happened yet, either.  I want to make sure his
deal goes through, so don’t call him.”  Justin ordered firmly.
Debbie and his mother exchanged an odd look at that – almost a hint of a
smile.  Justin could only wonder what it meant, but didn’t ask.  ‘It’s probably
a mother thing.’  He thought as he shifted back against the bed and got more
comfortable.  “So…I’m feeling good.  I’m starting to get better.  And Brian’s
been taking good care of me.”  He emphasized and then smiled.  “What have I
missed the last few months?”  He asked.
Sitting and talking with his mom and Debbie was nicer than he thought it would
be.  Neither of them tried to touch him again so he was able to calm down some
more and simply enjoy their company.  Debbie got him caught up on the goings on
of the gang and some gossip from Liberty Ave.  His mom told him what she and
Molly were up to, and how they were settled into their new home – and how his
father was already seeing someone else.
Justin could only roll his eyes at that.  He didn’t know why the man cared so
little for his family, but he wasn’t going to let it get him down.  He had
people who did love him, and two of them were right in front of him.
Debbie gave them some time to talk on their own while she went to go get them
all some food.  It didn’t take all of two seconds after she left for his mother
to scoot closer and try to reach for him again.  She stopped herself when
Justin flinched again and looked sad.  “I thought it was just because of
Debbie…”  She said softly.
Justin recalled the sliminess of Rikert’s tongue as it licked up his neck and
shook his head.  “No.  I don’t-.”
“But it’s okay for Brian to touch you?”  She asked, offended.
“Brian’s…Brian.”  He answered, because in his head it was that simple.  Brian
was Brian.  His mother didn’t seem pleased with the answer.  Justin frowned and
turned away.  “I don’t see why you don’t like him.  He’s never done anything to
you.”  He muttered sadly.
“He’s the reason you’re like this!”  She exclaimed and then immediately covered
her mouth as if she was ashamed of what she had said.
They were both still for a long moment.  Justin was looking down at the white
hospital sheets and his clenched up right hand, hidden beneath them.  “There’s
nothing wrong with me.”  He said weakly.  “Except for my gimp hand.”  He added,
shaking it a bit.
“I know, Sweetie.  I just meant…”  Jennifer trailed off, and honestly Justin
didn’t want to think about what it was she actually meant.  That Brian was the
reason he was a recluse?  Brian was the reason he was gay?  Either way, Brian
had nothing to do with either of those.  He was a recluse because of Chris
Hobbs and he was gay before he even met Brian. “Sorry…”  She murmured and
heaved a heavy sigh.  Justin nodded in acceptance, but couldn’t help but feel
judged by his own mother.
“Brian is helping me, you know.”  He pointed out as a reminder – he wanted to
add that she was the one who sent him to Brian’s in the first place when she
couldn’t handle him at his worst.  “I’m getting better.  It’s slow, but I’m
getting better.”  He repeated.
“I know.  It’s just…so hard to see you with him.”  She said honestly and Justin
just shook his head.
“Well too bad.  I love him, Mom.  I love him.”  He repeated firmly and locked
onto her eyes so she knew just how serious he was when he said that.  Jennifer
nodded and forced a broad smile.
“Okay.”  Was all she said, and Justin decided to take it as a win.  His mom
didn’t like Brian – but at least she accepted that this was the way things were
– and would always be if he had anything to say about it.
They fell into silence, but thankfully it didn’t last long.  There was a knock
on the door and both turned towards, grateful for the reprieve.  “Come in.” 
Justin said and the door swung open slowly.  He watched Carl walk in with his
arm in a sling, but not looking to be in terrible shape.  The man was
definitely favoring his left side though.
“Carl!  Hi!”  Justin said, excited to see the officer who had saved his life. 
“Mom, this is Carl.  He’s a detective.  He’s the one who saved me.”  He
explained and Carl gave a nervous wave, as if he didn’t like the attention.
“Pleasure to meet you, ma’am.  I just wanted to check on Justin.  How are you
feeling?”  He asked and Justin shrugged.
“I’m fine. You were the one who got shot.  Are you supposed to be out of bed?” 
He asked, suddenly concerned.
“Oh I’m fine.  This isn’t the first time I’ve been shot.”  Carl said
dismissively, causing Justin’s eyebrows to raise up on his head in shock.  He
supposed it made sense, Carl was a police officer after all, but it was still
surprising with how nonchalantly he announced it.  “I also wanted to let you
know that Kenneth is out of surgery and seems to be pulling through.”
“He’s alive?”  Justin asked suddenly, his voice rising dramatically for he was
sure he was dead.  He’d thought Carl killed him when he shot him.  He suddenly
felt very vulnerable again.  He could feel Rikert’s tongue on his skin, his
hands digging into his arms, and his rotten breath right in his face.  He could
feel the panic attack coming on. 
He tightly shut his eyes and once again tried to calm himself down by thinking
of Brian’s comforting words.  It was easier, as he wasn’t in the middle of a
kidnapping.  So, within a few seconds he was able to calm his racing heart and
stop the attack before it even started.  He hoped that with his new technique
he wouldn’t have anymore, but he doubted that.  He knew he still had a long way
to go before he was really like his old self.  He’d just have to accept the
small victories for what they were.
“I thought I had too.  The paramedics resuscitated him.”  Carl announced,
moving a bit closer.  “But don’t worry about him coming for you.  He has four
men stationed on him at all times – and trust me, we don’t treat dirty cops
well.  They won’t let him piss without having someone in there with him.”  Carl
assured and it managed to put Justin a bit at ease.  He didn’t know what it was
about the man, but he exuded calm and order.
“Kenneth is the man who did this to you?”  Jennifer asked, her voice a bit
shaky.
Justin nodded.  “I saw him and his partner kill someone across the street. 
They…found out I knew and took me.”  Justin explained, purposefully leaving out
the part where he sent them an e-mail saying he knew everything.  It wasn’t his
brightest moment and he was hoping to keep that fact hidden from everyone,
especially Brian.
“Oh my…”  Jennifer looked as if she was about to cry again.
“But I’m fine.  Carl saved me.” He repeated to try and stop any waterworks from
appearing.
“You’re sure he won’t be able to get to Justin?”  Jennifer asked, turning to
face Carl.  The detective nodded firmly.
“Absolutely, ma’am.  I’ll make sure of it myself.”  He promised and flashed
Justin a look.  Justin could see a bit of guilt in his eyes and he knew that
Carl still blamed himself for not listening to Justin sooner.  However, he’d
been honest when he said he wouldn’t have believed himself either.  He knew he
was a wreck that night, and Carl had come through when he needed it; he held
nothing against the detective.
“They didn’t have much in the cafeteria but I managed to scrounge up some
things for us to eat.”  Debbie suddenly entered, balancing three trays on her
arms like an old pro.  “Oh. Hello.”  She said, noticing Carl standing near
Justin’s bed.
Justin, despite having not seen her in a few months, still knew Debbie pretty
well.  He smiled, because he could see the immediate flush of her cheeks and
change in her stance.  ‘She likes him.’  Justin thought, pleased.  “Deb, this
is Carl.  He saved me.”  He said for the third time in three minutes.
“Oh, you saved my Sunshine?!”  Debbie exclaimed, swiftly setting down the trays
of food and embracing him.  “Thank you!  Thank you!”
“Oof…”  Carl grunted and flinched as she pressed against his wound.  Debbie
gasped and immediately let go.
“Oh I’m sorry!”  She exclaimed, looking as if she’d just ruined any chance she
had of being with him.  Carl just chuckled a little, obviously as infatuated
with her as she was with him.
“It’s alright, Miss.”  He assured and patted her arm.  Justin was smiling
broadly.  It was adorable how both of their faces were beat red and neither
really wanted to make eye contact.  He glanced to his mom, and she seemed to be
picking up on the same thing as she was smiling endearingly at them.  “Well,
ahem…”  Carl nervously cleared his throat.  “Justin I just wanted you to know
that if you ever need anything, I’m just a phone call away.  They’re releasing
me.”  He added with a shrug of his good shoulder.  “You still have my number,
right?”  He asked and Justin nodded.
“Yes sir.  Right there.”  He said, motioning to the bedside table where a small
ripped piece of paper sat.  While in the ambulance, Carl had written down his
number for him, insistent that he had it right away.
“Good.  Well, I’ll leave you be.”  He said and then went to step beside Debbie
but they shared a look and both blushed once more.  “Miss.”  He said, dipping
his head before finally making it out the door.
Once he door was shut once more Debbie immediately began fanning herself. 
“My…Isn’t he quite the gentleman?”  She asked, trying to hide how big her smile
was.
“Mhmm.”  Justin agreed, but then his eyes settled on the food and he reached
out to grab the most appealing tray.  “Thanks for getting this Debbie.”  He
said sincerely, and began munching without waiting for them.  He was the one in
the hospital after all.
Debbie then proceeded to gush about the detective and asked for every detail of
Carl’s rescue of him - she swooned the entire time.
Chapter End Notes
     I'm back! I hope you liked it. Let me know. :)
***** Chapter 18 *****
When Justin woke next he was shocked to find his room dark.  Even in the middle
of the night the room was never completely dark.  Between the city lights
outside, and the lights of the machines hooked up to him there was always a low
ambiance to the room.  So, when he woke and found that wasn’t the case his
heart immediately skipped a beat. 
He could hear the heart rate monitor begin to beep faster and faster and he
knew he had to calm himself down, but his new techniques didn’t seem to work. 
He couldn’t imagine Brian’s voice in his head, or his arms around him.  All he
could think was that something was terribly wrong and he was going to be hurt
again.
He curled up on the bed and pulled the blanket over his head as he struggled to
breathe, or even think.  The panic began taking over and he broke down.  The
fact that he knew he was capable of calming himself down, and couldn’t, only
spurred on the attack even stronger.
“Brian, Brian, Brian…”  He murmured over and over again.
Only Brian wasn’t there.  He was in Chicago, away on business.  But there was
nothing else he wanted more in that moment then to see the face of the man he
loved.
When he heard the door to his room open he thought that it was a nurse coming
in to check on him because the heart monitor was going berserk.  However,
instead of a calming voice asking him how they can help, someone grabbed his
shoulder and pulled him from the bed.  “NO!”  He cried out uselessly before he
even knew who it was.  He couldn’t focus.  His mind was like putty when he was
in the middle of attack and this time was no different.
A hard slap to the face made everything stop.  He was shocked back into
lucidity, at least in part.  He looked up and gasped when he saw Rikert
standing there in his room.  A bandage was wrapped around his head from the
bullet wound and there was a savage look in his eyes.  “He was mine!  He was
mine and you made me kill him!”  Rikert screamed in his face, the stench of his
breath just as fowl as the last time he smelled it.
Rikert grabbed his arm and pulled him from the room.  Justin kicked and fought
to break free of his hold, but the man’s grip was like a vice.  When he was in
the hallway he saw the police officer that was guarding him slummed onto the
floor, dead.  Rikert must have killed him to get to Justin.
“Carl!”  He cried out, despite knowing that the man had been discharged.  What
other hope did he have?  Who else would save him?  “CARL!”  He cried again, so
loudly his voice was hoarse.
“Shut up!”  Kenneth shouted as he dragged him down the dark hallway of the
hospital.  Justin didn’t think it was odd that there were no nurses or doctors,
or even any other patients that he could see, but in his head it just didn’t
register as something to take note of.
Apparently sick of listening to him scream Kenneth stopped pulling on him and
threw him against the wall.  He pulled out his gun, and shot.
===============================================================================
 
Justin gasped awake, clutching his chest as he heaved for air.  He looked
around the room frantically.  He was alone – blessedly. 
He continued to pant, but laid back down and collected himself.  It had only
been a nightmare.  The first he’d had while on his own.  ‘Maybe Brian being
gone is good for me.’  He thought, because now he was forced to handle them on
his own and get better at it.
Once his breathing had calmed down he slowly rose once more, this time sitting
up off the edge of the bed.  He kicked his legs over the side and stood. 
Despite being in good condition, he’d been lying down a lot lately and standing
felt odd for a moment.  Once he found his footing, however, he walked to the
door, making sure his hospital gown was covering him up.
He gently opened it, looking to the right where the officer guarding him sat.  
He couldn’t help but be relieved when he saw he was sitting right where he was
supposed to be, instead of slumped over dead on the floor.  “Hey Taylor.”  The
officer greeted, having turned when he heard the door open.
Justin flashed him a weak smile and then nervously cleared his throat. 
“Um…Rikert is still in his room, right?”  He asked and the officer nodded
surely.
“Yes.  They tell me even when he’s being moved for tests.”  He assured, but
after such a vivid nightmare, Justin wanted to be positive.
“Could you check?”  He asked, so the officer looked at him in understanding and
reached for his walkie-talkie.
“Hey, Officer Whittier here.  Checking on the prisoner.  Rikert is still in
custody, correct?”  He asked over the air.
The response was almost immediate.  “Affirmative.  Currently he’s cuffed to the
bed.”
“Understood.”  Officer Whittier lowered the walkie and looked to Justin. 
“Satisfied?”  He asked sincerely and Justin offered a weak smile and a nod.
“Yeah.  Thanks.”  He said before turning back into the room and closing the
door behind him.  He walked back to the bed and sat on the edge of it once
more.  He looked around and his eyes fell on the night stand where a brightly
colored coloring book sat.  He smiled, thinking about how he’d gotten it.
                                *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
 
Justin was munching on another tray of hospital food, which he would not miss
when he was out, and occasionally looking at the TV hanging on the wall.  He
was watching another one of those shows where they reveal ‘that he is/
is not the father’ and laughing at the blow up afterwards.  Those people had no
idea what real problems were.  He was only eighteen and two people had tried to
kill him – he’d like to see something like that on the show.
There was a knock on the door, so he turned the volume down.  Since Kenneth was
still in the hospital recovering, there was still an officer outside of his
door to make sure nothing happened to him.  As such all of his visitors were
monitored and only those on a list were allowed in.  So, Justin knew it could
only be one of a handle full of people.
When Michael walked in, he wasn’t surprised. Oddly enough, Michael visited him
often and he'd come to look forward to the visits.  Unlike with his mother or
Debbie, he never tried to touch him and only seemed interested in making him
feel better.  Having thought Michael still disliked him, he welcomed the change
in attitude.
“Hey, Boy Wonder.”  Michael said with a smile, a plastic bag in his hands.  He
set it on the table and immediately pulled out a carton from the diner.  Justin
straightened, interest piqued.
“Lemon bars?”  He asked excitedly and Michael chuckled.
“Yeah, from Ma, with love.”  He said, setting them down on the tray table that
slid over Justin’s bed.  Justin didn’t hesitate to pop it open and dig in.
“Mmmm…Thanks Michael.”  He said with a mouth full.  Michael laughed again and
nodded.
“No problem.”  He said and sat down.  Justin could see that there was more in
the bag, but he was sure Michael would show him what it was soon enough, so he
didn’t ask.  Besides, lemon bars. “I’m glad to see you’re doing better.”
Michael said suddenly and Justin nodded a bit.
“I was being stupid.” He admitted. “I thought keeping myself in the loft
forever would make me safe. But…Nowhere is completely safe; it’s pointless to
waste my life trying to avoid something that’s going to happen anyways.” He
said as he took another bite.
“Well I’m still glad.” Michael repeated and they shared a smile.
When Justin was done gulping down the lemon bars, Michael suddenly seemed a bit
nervous. Justin decided to have pity on him. “Spit it out.” He said.
“Spit what out?” Michael tried to act nonchalant, but he had never been a good
liar. However, Michael’s honesty was his most redeeming quality, so Justin
didn’t mind.
“Whatever it is you want to say. Is it about what’s in the bag?” He asked, and
Michael looked to the plastic bag and nodded.
“Yeah. Ummm…” Michael sighed heavily and stood back up. He grabbed the bag and
then handed it to Justin. Justin set it on his lap and used his good hand to
fold back the plastic. He paused, confused, when he saw what looked to be a
comic book inside. He pulled it out and started flipping through it to see that
it wasn’t a comic book, it was a coloring book in a comic book style.
“I got those at the store.” Michael said, clearly nervous. “I thought… I mean,
your hand could…I-.”
“What is this?” He asked, keeping his voice flat and staring down blankly at
the pages. “Why would you give me this?” He asked, trying so hard not to smile
through his bluff.
“I didn’t! I mean…I just wanted to help! I’m not trying to like, taunt you or
something, Justin. I swear!”
Justin lost it at the wild-eyed look of fear on Michael’s face.
“I love it!” Justin said through his laughter, deciding to put him out of his
misery. Michael straightened a bit, surprised.
“You do?”
“Yeah! You’re right; my hand isn’t strong enough to do my usual sketches. This
will be great to help get the feel of it back. Drawing is ninety percent muscle
memory, you know.” He said sincerely and watched Michael sigh in relief.
“Oh good! I was worried you’d get pissed and think I didn’t think you could
draw anymore or something.” Michael rubbed the back of his neck and relaxed his
shoulders a bit.
“No, Michael. This is really great. Thank you.” Justin hadn’t even thought
about his art since the bashing. He had written it off as something he’d never
have back. Even after he decided to fight instead of kill himself, he hadn’t
thought about it. He’d been so focused on his recovery that his art had been
pushed from his mind. But why couldn’t he use his art to help his hand get
stronger again?  And what a surprise that it was Michael of all people who made
him realize that.
He reached into the bag again and pulled out some colored pencils that Michael
must have bought for him as well. “Thank you…” He repeated, surprised at how
emotional he was suddenly feeling. He could feel his eyes start to tear up and
his throat started to get tight. He coughed a bit and wiped at his eyes as he
tried to collect himself. “I just want to be normal again.” He said,
apologetically, as an explanation for his sudden emotions.
“You will be. I have to get back to the store. But if you need anything, give
me a call.” Michael said before standing and giving him a wave. He never tried
to touch him, and Justin liked that. He waved to him too and then he was alone
in the room again. He flipped through the book until he found a page that
looked interesting. He smiled, flexed his hand to see how it was feeling, and
decided to give it a go.
                                 *~*~*~*~*~*~*
Justin chuckled, recalling how nervous Michael had been about possibly
offending him, but he really did enjoy the gift. He couldn’t use it much, as
his hand tired too quickly, but he was still able to get some use out of it.
He’d never seen many comic books either, and he found he enjoyed the style
quite a bit.  Besides, it was a welcome relief from the TV which was his only
form of entertainment in the room.
He was flexing his hand out and preparing to attack another section of the page
when he heard someone outside arguing with the officer. He slowly lowered his
hand back down, suddenly nervous that Kenneth had slipped by his security and
was coming for him. That was when he realized he recognized the voice of the
man shouting at the officer. “Brian!” He exclaimed, and jumped off the bed.
He darted to the door and pulled it open, smiling broadly when he saw Brian
standing there, looking like he’d come straight from the airport. He was
scowling at the officer, but relaxed when he saw Justin. “It’s alright. Brian
can come in.” Justin said, reaching out with his left hand to grab Brian and
tug him into the room. He shut the door behind them and found himself
immediately pulled into Brian’s arms and practically crushed against his body.
“You fucking little shit!” Brian cursed in a whisper against his ear and
refused to let him go. “I'm so fucking pissed at you!  Don’t you ever do
something like this to me again!” Brian sounded legitimately angry, so Justin
pulled back to look up at him. Brian immediately cupped his face in his hands
and then bent to press their foreheads together. “I went back to the loft and
you were gone…I didn’t know what to think…” He admitted, his voice shaking.
“I’m sorry.” Justin said, his voice matching Brian’s. He raised his hands up
and pulled Brian’s away from his face so he could look at him.
“Why didn’t you call me?” Brian demanded, his voice still hard.  Now that he
could see his face Justin could see his eyes were watering.  He didn't know if
it was from anger of relief - or maybe a mixture of both - but he felt a huge
tidal wave of guilt sweep over him.
“I didn’t want to ruin your meeting.” Justin answered honestly and Brian opened
his mouth like he was going to yell at him again, but then sighed.  With a sad
shake of his head Brian visibly tried to reign in his anger.
“Justin…it was a fucking business meeting. I thought you were dead!” Brian
shook his just a bit and them pressed him against him once more. Slowly, Justin
reached his arms up and wrapped them around Brian’s neck to hold onto him too.
They stood there for a long time, just holding each other. Justin could feel
Brian’s body quiver and knew he was crying, but he said nothing. It did make
him glad that he had never gone through with killing himself through. He didn’t
even want to think how Brian would have reacted then…
After some time had passed, Brian reluctantly let him go, but not without
giving him his customary kiss on the head that ended all of their embraces.
Brian cleared his throat a bit and looked down at Justin for a long time.
“So…what happened?  How did you end up here?” He asked and Justin sighed and
walked back to the bed to sit down.  He should have known that would be the
first thing Brian would ask.
When it looked like Brian was going to sit in the chair, he protested and
grabbed his hand to tug him onto the bed as well. He’d been gone for days and
Justin missed being near him. Brian acquiesced and sat back against the bed,
sitting shoulder to shoulder with Justin. “Let’s see…” Just said slowly,
wondering where to start to avoid telling Brian about the e-mail he sent to
Stockwell. He decided to just skip over that part completely and instead told
him about the attack on the Cleavers, and subsequent events.
During his re-telling of the past few days, Brian’s hand grabbed his own and
pulled it back onto his lap. Justin laced their fingers together, but once
again said nothing. He knew it was hard for Brian to express what he was
feeling, and if he tried to call him out on it, Brian would just shut it down.
It wasn’t worth it.
By the time he was finished, he thought he had distracted Brian enough with
everything he’d gone through that he wouldn’t even question how Rikert and
Stockwell found him. He was wrong.
“How’d they know who you were?” Was the first thing Brian asked as soon as he
was finished with his story. He decided to play dumb.
“Stockwell recognized me from the bashing.” He explained but Brian squeezed his
hand in reprimand and shook his head.
“No. How’d they know where to find you and that you knew what they did?” He
asked more specifically and Justin sighed. He shifted so he was facing Brian a
bit more, and then bit his bottom lip.
“I…sent them an e-mail.” He admitted and Brian immediately let go of him to
stand up. He began furiously pacing back and forth in the room.
“You what?!” He demanded, the anger back.
“I was angry!” Justin exclaimed, going to stand as well, but he was stopped by
one of Brian’s hands on his shoulder. “They were going to get away with it and
I knew I had to do something to make them make a mistake! And they did! They
took me!” Justin said it as if it was a good thing but Brian didn’t seem
pleased in the least.
“You’re a fucking moron, you know that Sunshine? What if they hadn’t taken you?
What if they’d just shot you right there?! God!” Brian turned so his back was
to Justin and covered his mouth with a balled fist.
“But they didn’t. I’m fine.” Justin repeated, standing now and putting his good
hand on Brian’s back. Brian flinched and stepped away again.
Brian shook his head a few times and then sighed heavily before turning around.
He had his lips rolled into his mouth and gazed down at Justin intently. Then,
suddenly his gaze softened as he ran his hand through Justin’s hair and rubbed
his thumb over the still bold line of his scar. “When I got home and you
weren't there, I called Debbie. She said you were in the hospital and they had
scanned your head because you got hit again.” He said suddenly and Justin
frowned slightly, realizing what this was really about.
“I’m okay. Really. The doctor gave me the all clear.” He assured, but Brian’s
eyes didn't leave his temple.
“I’m going to have to get you a helmet to wear, Sunshine. Apparently you can’t
be left to care for yourself.” He had a hint of a smile on his lips now, so
Justin relaxed and cracked a smile of his own.
“Now that you’re back, they’ll let me go home.” Justin said, deciding they both
needed a change of subject.
Brian raised his eyebrows, pleased. “What are we waiting for, then? Let’s go
home.”
===============================================================================
Upon entering the loft again Justin could see there was still plenty evidence
of the attack; there was a bullet hole in the door where the lock used to be,
and the desk was in shambles. He frowned and glanced to Brian who began to
almost mechanically clean it up. He had said that he didn’t know what to think
when he got to the loft and saw he was gone, but if he walked in and saw this,
Justin knew exactly what he had thought. He wondered if he should apologize,
but he kept his mouth shut. Instead, he knelt by Brian and helped him picked
everything up.
When they were finished Justin stood and walked to the kitchen to wash his
hands, but stopped dead in his tracks when he saw what was on the counter. A
bottle of champagne and – yes. A bouquet of fresh roses.
Hesitantly, he reached out for the flowers with his good hand. He picked them
up and could feel Brian’s eyes on him as he examined them. He then leaned his
head forward and smelled them, a smile forming on his face. “You…bought me
flowers?” He asked carefully, wondering what was the right thing to do.  Was he
supposed to acknowledge it as the generous gift it was, or should he ignore it
like Brian's crying and need to hold his hand at the hospital?  There had been
a time when he would have known exactly what to say because he could read Brian
like a book, but he was still coming back into himself and was now uncertain.
 However, the words were already spoken.
Brian swiftly turned away, clearly not wanting to look at him directly.  It
didn't deter Justin - he knew well enough now that Brian couldn't look at him
when something remotely emotional was happening between them.  “I got the deal.
Wanted to celebrate.” Brian muttered so quietly Justin had to strain to hear
him. He smiled a bit more and smelled them again.
However, he suddenly frowned, as an image of Brian walking into the loft
entered his mind, champagne and flowers in hand and smiling from ear to ear.
Only to have it all crushed to find him missing and signs of a struggle
obvious. “I’m so sorry…” He whispered, fully understand Brian’s anger at him in
the hospital. “I should have called. But I…You’ve sacrificed so much for me
these past few months. I knew how close you were to losing your job and I
didn’t want to risk that.”
Justin explained, gently setting the flowers down and walking to Brian. He
reached out with his good hand and touched his face, feeling a bit of stubble
beginning to grow. “I was just trying to help.” Once he finished, Brian pulled
him close again and Justin could feel him shake his head above him.
“You're okay.  That's all that matters.” Brian said and then squeezed him once
before kissing his head and walking to the counter. “We can still celebrate.”
Justin smiled broadly and nodded, sitting on one of the stools to watch Brian
open the bottle. “We should. Making partner; that’s huge Brian!” He said
happily and finally Brian started smiling again.
“It means I’m going to have to go back to work though. And there might be days
I work longer than you’re used to. It’s-.”
“I’ll be fine. I promise. This is a big deal! Let’s celebrate.” Justin
insisted, not wanting Brian to feel at all guilty about the promotion. No one
deserved it more than Brian did and he wasn’t going to be the reason Brian
didn’t get everything he deserved.
Brian gave him a long look before smiling a bit more and nodding. “Yeah,
alright.” He said and gave the top a hard jerk. A bit of the champagne flowed
out and he reached behind him to get down some glasses. He poured in a small
amount and then handed Justin a glass. They raised them together and clinked
them against each other. “Cheers.”
Justin winked. “Cheers, Partner.”
Justin could see a big smile trying to break through Brian’s carefully honed
mask. “Ah fuck it.” Brian said and let the mask go to reveal his beaming smile.
He knocked his head back to gulp down the drink and then poured some more.
Justin laughed and held his glass out for a refill. When they had both had
their fill Brian eyed him curiously. “You seem different, Justin.” He
commented, and Justin knew that he really meant it by using his given name.
 Brian only called him Justin when it was important.
“I feel different. It’s like something clicked back on in my head.” He
explained as best he could, but it was difficult to explain his sudden
transformation.  How could he, when he didn't understand it himself?  One
minute he was holding a knife to his skin, and the next he was fighting for his
life.  Surprisingly, his kidnapping only strengthened his resolve to get
better, but the decision had been made before that.  He wished he could offer
Brian a better explanation - because the man deserved one - but he couldn't.
Brian’s smile faded a bit, but seemed more tender somehow. “Good. I was
beginning to wonder if I’d ever get you back.”
Seeming to realize that what he said revealed quite a bit, Brian immediately
put the mask back on and cleared his throat. “Now, it’s late. You just got out
of the hospital, and I’m exhausted from the flight. Let’s go to bed.” He said
and Justin nodded in agreement and slid from the stool.
He was about to turn and follow Brian into the bedroom, but suddenly gasped.
“Wait!” He exclaimed and raced back to get the bouquet of flowers. He had to
scrounge around for something to put them in, and when he couldn’t find
anything close to a vase he settled for a pot. He ran the sink to put some
water in it, and then set the flowers inside. It didn’t look great – in fact it
was rather tacky looking – but he didn’t care. He still thought they looked
beautiful because Brian had given them to him.  They were probably the only
flowers he should ever expect from the man, but he didn't care.  He'd still
gotten them.
Once he was sure they were safe for the night, he walked back to Brian and they
walked into the bedroom together. As his hand was clenched up from working it
with coloring so much lately, Brian helped him undress and then they lay in the
bed. Justin shifted a few times before getting comfortable, but then sighed
contently when he found that perfect spot. “I’m glad you got the client,
Brian.” He whispered before going to sleep.
“I’m glad you’re back, Sunshine.” He heard Brian whisper back before he fell
asleep as well.
***** Chapter 19 *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Three Weeks Later.
Michael tapped a pen against the counter as he tried to think of a seven letter
word for ‘difficult’ that started with A and had an O near the end. He kept
staring at the crossword, circling the clue over and over again, but not really
thinking about it. Instead, he was wondering what Ben was doing and if he had
made a mistake in ending things with him. Things just got so complicated so
quickly. Hunter has been staying with him for a few weeks now and he wasn’t
sure he could handle Ben’s condition while suddenly trying to care for a
teenager. Ben’s declaration that he was positive came as such a shock that all
he could do was break things off – but maybe that had been a mistake.
When the door jingled he actually jumped as he was so wrapped up in his
thoughts. He looked up immediately and smiled as he watched Brian walk in. He
waved enthusiastically because he was happy to have an excuse to do something
and get his thoughts away from the hunky professor. “Hey. Slumming?” He teased
and Brian rolled his eyes.
“I’m running errands.” He said, scanning the small store for what he needed.
“You actually want to buy something?” Michael was shocked. Brian had not once
stopped by his store to buy something. Michael had never asked him to,
considering it was Brian’s gift that made the store a reality in the first
place. “But you hate comic books.” He pointed out.
“Not true. I seem to recall countless Saturday nights spent with you reading
about the latest exploits of our spandex clad heroes.” Brian defended, still
looking. He rifled through a few piles and then turned to him. “But no. I’m not
here for comic books.” He rubbed his fingers together as if to rub off the
nonexistent dust covering the books he’d just handled. “Justin wants more of
those coloring books you gave him.”
Michael smiled immediately and stood up from his stool. “Really?!” He asked,
suddenly so happy. He walked out from behind the counter and started going to
the display by the window where he’d put them.
“Yeah. What?” Brian asked slowly.
“Nothing. I just…I’m glad he liked it. I was really worried he’d freak out
about it or something.” Michael grabbed a few different versions, so Justin
would have new pictures to color, and handed them over. Brian took them and
started reaching into his wallet. “No don’t worry about it. If he likes them,
consider them a gift. I’m glad they can help.” Michael said sincerely. He was
happy to help Justin anyway he could, even if it was only by offering him
books.
“Cut it out, Michael. You own your own business now. It’s not like I can’t
afford ten bucks.” He insisted and forced the bill into his hand. Michael knew
better than to argue with Brian. So, he walked back to the counter to stick it
in the drawer. “Besides, saying he likes them is an understatement. He colors
more than a five year old. Ironically, a five year old is better at it than he
is. He can’t even stay in the fucking lines.” Brian commented not without some
bitterness.
Michael knew who it was directed at though – Chris Hobbs. Hobbs who hit him
with a bat and took away so much from his life. Hobbs who didn’t even get a
single day in jail for trying to kill him. Hobbs who is still out there and
doesn’t give a shit about the boy whose life he almost ruined. Michael hated
him too, but he couldn’t remember ever saying that to Brian or Justin. He had
felt like his own feelings were inconsequential to what they were going
through. But, thinking about it now, he wondered if maybe they’d like to know
that.
He’d save it for another time, however. Brian looked upset enough and he didn’t
want to keep talking about it.
“Anyways.” Brian said, leaning forward on the counter with his elbows. “He’s
been coloring almost nonstop. Which is good, because he hated the ball
exercises and this way his hand still gets worked out. So you did me a favor,
Mikey.” Brian flashed him a smile, which he returned.
“It isn’t too much for him?” He asked, wanting to be sure.
Brian scoffed. “You know Justin. Everything has to be just perfect. I watched
him try to shade a fucking cape last night for an hour and a half. His hand
tires out more quickly than his other exercises but it isn’t too much. He can
pace himself.” Brian assured and Michael nodded once, at ease. The last thing
he wanted was to make Justin’s situation worse.
“Good.” He said simply and assumed that Brian was going to leave to get back
home, but he remained leaning over the counter.
“How’s the kid?” He asked and Michael sighed, and shrugged.
“I don’t fucking know.” He lamented. “He keeps sneaking out to go hustling even
though I tell him he doesn’t have to. He just says he wants to help pay his
way. I don’t even know if this is permanent or not. I mean, I wouldn’t mind if
he stuck around. But it almost feels like he’s itching to leave. You know? Like
he’s already out looking for the next place to stay.” Michael shrugged and
slumped back onto the stool.
“Well, have you told him he’s welcome, Mikey?” Brian spoke condescendingly in
that tone that drove Michael up the wall.
“Is Brian Kinney actually advocating I talk openly about my feelings?” He
teased and was surprised when Brian shrugged, instead of getting defensive like
he had expected him to.
“Maybe.” Was all Brian answered with and Michael decided not to push it. Brian
had changed so much since the bashing – maybe it was time he stopped expecting
him to behave like nothing had changed.
“Maybe I should.” He said instead and tugged the crossword closer to him.
“Maybe you should also go to that professor friend of yours
and openly admit that you’re being an ass.” Brian added, but his tone wasn’t as
harsh as his words.
Michael shot his head back up to look at him and dropped the pen. “How’d you
know about that?” He asked.
“I told you I was running errands. I have a carton of lemon bars in the jeep
for Justin. Your mom seemed to want to tell everyone about how her poor baby
boy was almost infected by the evil, positive, professor.” Brian rolled his
eyes. Michael couldn’t help but smile a bit because he knew that Brian wasn’t
exaggerating at all. His mother was the biggest drama queen of them all.
“He told me up front before we ever did anything. There’s nothing really evil
about that.” Michael commented with a shrug. “It’s strange, is all. I’m not
weirded out by it, or even grossed out. Hell, with Vic I know exactly what to
expect with someone being positive. But I have Hunter staying with me and I
don’t think-.” He was rambling, he knew that. So he wasn’t surprised when Brian
cut him off.
“Do you love him, Michael?” He asked intently and not at all sarcastic.
“I don’t know yet. It was too early to tell, I think. But…” He hesitated and
thought about how Ben had made him feel. “I think I could love him. I know I
could - if I took the time to get to know him. He treated me so much better
than David and I thought I loved him.” Michael rolled his eyes at himself,
still amazed at how stupid he had been about David.
“Then you should do what makes you happy.” Brian told him and Michael looked at
him for a long, long time, wondering where his best friend had gone and how he
missed his evolution into this new man. “I mean it, Michael.” Brian continued
when he didn’t say anything right away. “Find him, and find a way to make it
work. Even with the Littlest Hustler around there’s a way to make it work.”
“You’re so different, Brian.” Michael said after another quiet moment. He shook
his head in disbelief. “What happened?” He asked.
Brian just shrugged again and began collecting the coloring books. “I nearly
lost Justin twice in only six months. I realized I didn’t want to waste any
more time pretending that there’s nothing between us, when there is. I don’t
want you to waste any time either. I want you to be happy, Mikey. You’re my
best friend, and I want you to be happy.” He repeated and Michael smiled a
little.
He felt a huge shift in their relationship right then. He didn’t know why it
was, because Brian wasn’t saying anything he didn’t already know. But all of a
sudden all of the latent desires he had to be with Brian disappeared. They had
been fading for a long, long time, but still niggled at the back of his head
every once in a while. He could finally feel them disappear for good when Brian
spoke.
Brian was his best friend – he’d never be more than that. And for the first
time in his life he was glad for that. Because he could never be for Brian what
Justin is. And Brian could never be for him what Ben might become. It may have
taken him fifteen years, but he is truly happy with being Brian’s best friend
and nothing more.
“Thanks, Brian.” He said sincerely and smiled when Brian leaned over to give
him a chaste, but loving, kiss on his lips.
“I better go before the lemon bars turn to mush.” Brian said and turned to
leave. He paused though, and pointed down to the crossword. He tapped the
circled clue and smirked a bit. “Arduous.” He said and Michael excitedly looked
down at the crossword puzzle.
Michael spelled out the word in each box before smiling and writing them down.
When he looked up to thank Brian, he was already gone. He then set down the pen
and looked over to the phone. Thinking about what Brian had said about not
wasting time, he picked it up and called Ben.
===============================================================================
As Brain ascended the stairs to the loft he couldn’t help but feel reminded of
a time not too long ago when he dreaded such an act. A time when he could
barely bring himself to come home because of what he was afraid he’d find. Now,
all of those fears were gone. No longer would he wonder if he was going to walk
in on Justin mid-meltdown. In the three weeks since Justin had been released
from the hospital he hadn’t had a single panic attack. Brian didn’t know what
he’d done to get over them, but he wasn’t going to question it.  He smiled even
as he lugged bags up the stairs to the loft door, because he knew that when he
opened it Justin wouldn’t be screaming, or throwing things around. He’d come so
far the past few weeks that he was almost like his old self again.
He set some of the bags down to pull the door open and scanned the loft to find
Justin asleep on the couch. He smiled tenderly, because he suspected that is
exactly how he would find him. Justin had gone to see Alex in his office that
day and their meetings always left him exhausted. Not only were they
emotionally charged, but leaving the loft still caused Justin a lot of anxiety
which wore him out.
He closed the loft door as quietly as he could, but with all of the sacks he
made a bit of a ruckus when he got inside.
“Briannn..?” Justin asked drowsily, popping his head up from the couch.
“Yeah, it’s me.” He answered and set everything on the kitchen island. “Here. I
got some stuff for you.” He said and pulled out the lemon bars and coloring
books from the bags. He listened to Justin shift around until he started moving
over to him. He began putting some groceries away but looked to see Justin’s
excited reaction when he got him more coloring books.
“Was your nap okay?” He asked and saw Justin nod out of the corner of his eye.
“No nightmares?” He added and Justin smiled broadly.
“No nightmares.”
“Good.”
“Mhmm.” Justin’s mouth was full from a lemon bar he clearly didn’t hesitate to
take a bite of. Justin sat at the counter and pulled the coloring books closer
to him to flip through them with his good hand. “You went to see Michael?” He
asked and Brian nodded as he went back to putting the groceries away.
“Yeah. He sends his best.” Brian murmured absently, tugging open the fridge to
put in some juice. “Oh. I think he’s going to call his professor friend, too.”
“Good.” Justin had taken another bite.
“Yeah. I mean, I barely even met the guy but he seemed alright.” Brian spoke
distantly, bending to put some lettuce in the vegetable drawer. “He didn’t
immediately freak out and run for the hills when I dragged Hunter out of
there.” He added with a bit of a smile. If Ben was calm enough to handle talk
of murder without doing more than batting an eye, then he was in good shape to
handle their dysfunctional family.
Justin didn’t answer, but Brian attributed it to a mouthful of lemon bars. He
finished putting away the groceries and then turned to look down at his young
lover. “How was your meeting with Alex?” He asked, trying to sound nonchalant
about it, but the sessions always filled him with curiosity.
“Fine.” Justin answered stiffly after he swallowed a large bite. Sensing the
defensiveness in his tone Brian was prepared to drop it and let it be, but to
his surprise Justin continued. “We talked…” He murmured, as if he would be
doing anything else with a psychologist. “About prom.” He finally finished and
Brian stiffened.
“What about it?” He asked, feeling his heart rate pick up and his breathing
quicken. He felt on edge all of a sudden, as if danger was around the corner.
In his mind’s eye he could see the swing of the bat and quickly shook his head
to clear himself of those horrid thoughts. Justin was alive, right in front of
him.
“When Rikert and Stockwell had me, I remembered what happened.” Justin
admitted, his gaze firmly on the coloring book in front of him. “I remembered
everything. You walking up to me, and asking me to dance. You leading me onto
the dance floor while everyone made room for us. Spinning…So much spinning. And
feeling lighter than air. I felt…I felt like everything I’d ever wished for had
come true.”
Brian’s eyes were staring intently down at Justin, but still the blond refused
to look up at him. He didn’t know how he was supposed to react to Justin
recounting what had happened.  His mind suddenly felt blank and his body numb.
“Then I remember going to the parking lot with you. We were singing, and you
kept dancing with me all the way to the Jeep.”
As he spoke Brian recalled that night with perfectly clarity. He could
envision every detail of the parking garage. He could see the cracks on the
concrete pillars, and the strips of tar on the ground covering up potholes. He
could remember exactly how it smelled, and how thick the air was. He could see
it just as well as if he were still there.
“I remember Hobbs, too. I turned when you called my name, and I saw him. And
then…I woke up.” Justin finished, and finally he looked up at Brian.
He still didn’t know what to say. He had thought that only one of them had to
live with the horrendous memories of that night – it wasn’t fair that they both
had to. On the other hand…dancing with Justin was one of the most cherished
memories he had and he never wanted to forget it. Now Justin didn’t have to
either.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” He asked, his tone even. He still didn’t know what he
was supposed to do or say. But it had been three weeks since he remembered and
Justin was only now telling him?
“I didn’t know how. Alex kept telling me to, to give both of us closure about
that night but…I only just got to remember it. I had to…deal with it all,
before I told you that I knew. I’m sorry if you’re angry. But I needed to know
how I felt before seeing how you’d react.” Justin explained, and Brian shook
his head slowly, his gaze now falling to the countertop.
“I’m not angry.” He assured, but his voice was flat and low. Justin was the one
who was attacked, he had every right to handle the memories his own way. But he
couldn’t help but feel like he had a right to know these kinds of things. His
life changed that night too – irrevocably.
After a few seconds of silence Brian looked back up and saw Justin staring at
him. His blue eyes were wide, and vulnerable, and he couldn’t find it in
himself to be anything but understanding. He walked out from around the island
and spun Justin’s chair. He then took his good hand and pulled him to his feet.
Justin was pliant and followed his lead, a curious look on his face.
When Brian started swaying them back and forth a small smile formed on Justin’s
face. He placed a hand on Justin’s side and danced to a song in his head. It
wasn’t as grand as Justin’s prom, but it was comforting because he could feel
Justin in his arms – alive and well. And really that was all that mattered. 
===============================================================================
Returning to duty was a relief to Carl.  For the past few weeks all he'd been
doing was sitting and itching to be productive again.  He had once cursed his
desk as a prison, but after a few weeks of recovery he wanted nothing more than
to be sitting behind it again and doing what he did best.  As soon as he walked
into the precinct he was welcomed by pats on the back and a round of applause
from his fellow officers.  He smiled and waved at them but didn't linger long
before getting to his office.  He looked at his desk with a smile and didn't
hesitate to sit behind it.
He took in a deep breath of satisfaction.  Before he could settle in too much,
however, he had work to do.  He booted up his computer and accessed the police
department's intranet in order to find out who was in charge of Rikert's case. 
He, as one of his victims, was not allowed to take part in it - nor was he
allowed to have access to the case files.  However, he needed to know what was
going on with the case.  So, he got the evidence number and left his office as
quickly as he had arrived.  He went down to the evidence lock up and saw the
officer on duty was a young, fresh-faced uniform standing behind the counter. 
"I need the files for 682046."  He announced, grabbing the clipboard and
writing his name out on it.  Had the officer been around longer, he probably
would have realized who he was and that he shouldn't be withdrawing the files. 
As it was, the kid turned and got the box of files just as he'd asked.
Carl only had to wait for a few minutes before it was placed in front of him
and he took it back to his office before anyone else could see and wonder what
he was doing.  He shut his office door, drew the blinds, and then popped open
the box.  Most of the files in the box were secretarial in nature.  There was
Rikert's personal file, now it was a piece of evidence as he was no longer a
part of the department.  There was photos of the warehouse they had kept
Justin, as well as pictures of all of his victims, including an autopsy of
Stockwell.  He wasn't really interested in any of that, as there was nothing in
there that he didn't know about already.  He dug deeper into the box and then
came across what he wanted - Rikert's interrogation.
He pulled out the DVD and then popped it into his computer to see what the man
had to say for himself.
Chapter End Notes
     I'm sorry if Brian is a little OOC these last few chapters. I'm
     trying not to make it over the top, however, I also want to highlight
     the differences in how they behave now because of the events of this
     story. As Brian said to Michael, it's pointless pretending there's
     nothing there between them. But don't worry, he isn't about to go
     declaring his undying love...it just might be a little easier for him
     to SHOW what he's feeling. ;) I hope it isn't too much. Let me know!
     Thank you!
***** Chapter 20 *****
“How come you never order your own?”  Justin muttered, with a hint of
affection, as Brian stole a large piece of orange chicken from his plate.
“The calories don’t count when I take them from you.”  Brian smirked over at
him and Justin simply rolled his eyes.  He used his fork to fend off another
attack of Brian’s chopsticks and snagged a piece of chicken for himself.
A movie was playing in the background but neither of them were paying much
attention to it as they munched on their dinner and chatted.  Brian was doing
most of the talking, telling Justin about the differences in being a partner
compared to being an ad exec; mostly how people who were once his peers were
now his subordinates – particularly the ones who weren’t handling the
transition well.
They were reclining on the futon with the boxes of takeout scattered around
them. When they finished eating Justin laid back flat, his head turned towards
the TV, though he still wasn’t paying attention to the old movie Brian had put
in.
They were silent for some time, but it was comfortable and pleasant.  When
Brian suddenly stood and started cleaning up, however, he broke it.  “The guys
wanted to meet up at Woody’s tonight.”  He informed and Justin perked up a
little.
“Oh?”  He asked with a smile.  “You should go.”  He said, knowing that Brian
wouldn’t if he didn’t say he was alright with it.  Despite the progress he’d
made Brian was still watching him like a hawk.  It was clear he was still upset
about the state he found things in the last time he left Justin alone. 
However, Justin knew Woody’s would be too much for him, so he would have to get
Brian to leave without him somehow.
“You could come with me.  It’s a Wednesday.  It’s not going to be that busy.” 
Brian pointed out, dumping empty boxes into the trash and putting the left
overs in the fridge.  “I think they’d all like to see you.  Mikey’s been asking
after you.”  He added and Justin laid on his back as he looked up at the
ceiling.  He knew Brian was right – Woody’s would probably be close to empty,
but nights at Woody’s usually led to Babylon and he didn’t want to go there
yet.  Even on a weeknight there would be too many people and too much noise.
“No, I’ll be fine here.  You go though.  I want you to go.”  He said with an
honest smile. 
Brian looked at him for a long time before leaning up against the island. 
“Alex said you needed to start pushing yourself more.  I think tonight would be
a good opportunity.” 
Though Alex had said that, he also suspected that Brian’s motives had more to
do with keeping an eye on him than getting him out of his comfort zone. 
“Nothing’s going to happen to me if you go out for a night.”  He stated plainly
and evenly, but knew he hit home when Brian’s eyes winced just a bit.  “It’s
just a few hours.  I’ll be fine.  I’m fine when you go to work.”  He added, as
those were the only times Brian would leave him.
“It’s not the same thing.”  Brian immediately insisted, but when Justin raised
an eyebrow to point out he was being unreasonable Brian sighed.  “I left and
you ended up in the hospital.  It’s not ridiculous for me to want to be
cautious.”  He muttered defensively.
“But now Stockwell’s dead and Rikert is arrested.  No one’s going to come after
me.  You deserve a night out.  It’s been weeks since you have.  Go out, find a
hot guy and fuck him.  Have some fun.”  He motioned to the door to emphasize
his point and Brian looked at him as if to see if he was really going to be
alright.
“I could use a good trick…”  Brian smirked a little so Justin chuckled and
grabbed his arm.  He tugged him towards the bedroom.
“Then go.  Don’t worry about me.”  Justin assured once again and Brian nodded,
clearly having been wanting to go out.  Justin wasn’t going to let him
sacrifice anymore for him.  Soon he’d be able to go out as well so it wasn’t an
issue, but until then Brian was going to have to get over his fear of leaving
him alone.
“If I didn’t know better I’d say you were trying to get rid of me.”  Brian
chuckled as he began stripping out of his clothes.
“Never.”  Justin smiled back at him and watched Brian’s toned torso ripple as
he reached up to grab a shirt off the hanger.  He felt a little warmth start to
spread in his belly. He frowned and stepped back because he didn’t know how to
handle the familiar, but long unfelt, feeling of arousal. 
Brian was dressed and out of the loft in a matter of five minutes, leaving
Justin to his own devices for the rest of the night.  He tried to ignore that
brief arousal that he felt because he wasn’t sure he was ready to have sex
again.  He didn’t know what was stopping him – he loved Brian more than
anything and wanted to have sex with him.  However, whenever he thought about
being touched that way again something inside of him panicked.
The issue was, he was still turned on.  He was alone in the loft but he still
nervously looked around before reaching down into his pants and grabbing his
erection.  One mere touch and it flared to life, growing hard and stiff.  He
put some lube on his hand and then started to jerk himself off.  He went
slowly, as if getting reacquainted with himself.  He leaned forward and pressed
his free hand on the wall to support himself.
His hips began to buck as he got more and more into it.  It had been months
since he even thought about being touched this way, and now that he was doing
it again it felt as if a dam was breaking inside of him.  As he moved his hand
faster and faster, his breathing began to pick up as well.  It came in hard
puffs and was only interrupted by grunts and moans of pleasure.
Then, far too soon, he came, shooting out into his hand.  He let out one last
moan and then fell on his knees as his head cleared.  He remained sitting
there, with his hand still on his limp penis, for a few minutes and a small
smile started forming on his lips.  It had felt good.
That fear that he felt about sex was beginning to ebb away now that he
remembered how good it felt.  He knew that with Brian being the one touching
him it would feel exponentially better – and he wanted that touch again.
He slowly stood back up and cleaned himself off in the bathroom.  He couldn’t
get the smile off of his face as the endorphins from his climax remained
pumping through his body.  However, once he changed into a clean pair of pants,
there was a knock at the door which disrupted his happy thoughts.
He paused and approached it carefully.  Despite how far he’d come there was
still a long way to go for him to feel completely comfortable around others
coming into his safe place again.  He nervously cleared his throat.  “Who is
it?”  He called through the metal door.
“Carl.”  Was the almost immediate answer.
Relief flooded him and he unlocked the door without hesitation.  He slid it
open for the detective and greeted him with a smile.  “Hey.”  He said, sure his
relief was obvious.  He stepped aside to let Carl in and the officer patted him
on the shoulder as he walked in.
“How are you doing, Son?”  He asked kindly and Justin shrugged as he slid the
door shut.  He locked it up and walked with Carl towards the couch.
“Fine.  Good, actually.”  He said, thinking about what he’d just done.
“Good.  I’m glad I caught you in a good mood.”  Carl said and pulled out
something from the inside of his jacket.  Justin eyed it.
“What’s going on?”  He asked carefully.
“Is Brian here?  I think maybe he should be.”  Carl said and Justin felt a bad
feeling begin to settle in his stomach.
“No…he went out tonight.  What is that?”  He asked again, coming to stop near
the middle of the room.
“Rikert’s interrogation.  I shouldn’t have taken it, but I thought you’d want
to see for yourself.”  Carl said, holding the DVD case out to him.  Justin was
initially shocked by his words, so it took him a moment to reach out and take
it.
“W…”  Justin started and then shook his head as his eyes stared down at the
DVD.  “What’s going to happen to him?”  He asked, slowly looking up at the
detective again.
Carl smiled a little at the question, which put Justin at ease.  “The judge
wanted to make an example out of him.   They rushed the trial and gave him the
worst public defender in the system.  He was eaten alive.  He has fifty years,
no parole.” 
Justin felt a breath of relief escape him at the news and he smiled.  He hadn’t
been expecting it after what had happened with Hobbs.  “That’s great!”  He
exclaimed and a brief laugh escaped him. 
Carl smiled some more and nodded in agreement.  “Yeah…He’ll be dead before he
ever has a hope of getting out.  So he won’t be bothering you again.”  He
assured and Justin couldn’t stop himself from hugging the man.
“Thank you.”  He murmured and Carl embraced him in return.
“Thank the DA.  She’s the one who pushed for the harshest sentence.”  Carl said
bashfully, but Justin shook his head.
“No…You saved me.  You’ve done so much for me.”  He insisted and then stepped
back to smile up at the man who was becoming more and more like a father to
him.
Carl put his hands in his pockets and didn’t seem to know how to handle the
praise.  Instead, he cleared his throat and motioned to the DVD.  “I can stay
if you want to watch it.”  He offered, and Justin looked back down at it.
“No, it’s okay.  I’ll wait for Brian.”  He said and Carl nodded.
“Alright.  If you’re sure.” Carl didn’t seem to want to leave him alone and
Justin resisted the urge to roll his eyes. It seemed like his own paranoia was
rubbing off on everyone else.
“I’m sure.” He repeated and set the DVD down on the coffee table. “Besides, you
probably have more important things to do than babysit me.” Justin spoke with a
smile.
“Well…I thought I might stop by Miss Novotny’s home.” He admitted and Justin
raised his eyebrows.
“Oh? Then go. Don’t keep her waiting.” He insisted and even began pushing Carl
towards the door.
Carl laughed a bit at Justin’s persistence and then nodded. “Alright. Goodbye,
Justin.”
“Bye!” He waved the detective away as he walked down the stairs. Justin was
pleased those two seemed so taken with each other. He closed up the door again
and then turned and looked at the DVD sitting on the coffee table. He went to
the couch and sat on it, staring down at the case, waiting for Brian.
===============================================================================
Brian didn’t get back until nearly two in the morning. It was far earlier than
he would have come back a year ago, even on a work night, and Justin was
surprised when he heard the loft door rumble open. Brian had more than deserved
a long night out, so he assumed the man would take advantage of the
opportunity.
He’d fallen asleep on the futon but sat up when he heard him. “Hey, you’re
back.” He said through a yawn and Brian smiled in a greeting. Justin sat on his
knees and lifted his face up when Brian bent to kiss him. He smelled like sex
and booze, but it was oddly comforting. It smelled…normal.
“You should have come, Sunshine. The guys were disappointed.” Brian said as he
walked to the bedroom, stripping out of his sweaty clothes. Justin stood,
picking up the articles as he followed him.
“You went to Babylon, though.” He pointed out knowingly and Brian nodded.
“Yeah, but we wouldn’t have if you had come.” Now naked, Brian walked into the
bathroom to start the shower.
‘But then you wouldn’t have had as much fun.’ Justin thought, but he didn’t
speak it. He sensed that they were just going to circle around the argument, so
he didn’t say anything back at all. He dumped the clothes into the hamper and
followed him, his eyes avoiding Brian’s body and instead looking only at his
face. He still needed to get all of his conflicted sexual feelings straightened
out before he even thought about Brian.  He wanted Brian’s touch, that he
knew.  But a small bit of that fear was still in the back of his head and he
didn’t want anything to hold him back when they came together again.
“Did you have fun?” He asked curiously, speaking a little louder to be heard
over the spray of the shower.
“Don’t I always?” Brian answered, a hint of arrogance in his voice.  It only
made Justin smile.
“Carl stopped by tonight.” He said, leaning against the sink.  “He brought by a
recording of Rikert’s interrogation.  He said he thought I’d like to see it.” 
He explained as he turned and looked in the mirror.  Brian’s figure was now
blurred by the steam building up and he looked at it with admiring eyes.
“Did you watch it?” Brian asked, his voice echoing from inside the shower
stall.
“No. I was waiting for you.”  He turned back around when the shower suddenly
turned off and Brian emerged.  The man grabbed a towel and began drying himself
off, then he wrapped it around his waist – much to Justin’s relief.
“Well then let’s watch it.” Brian said simply and put on some clothes.
They walked together out of the bedroom and Justin picked up the DVD from the
coffee table. Before he could do anything, however, Brian pulled it from his
hands and walked to the TV to put it in.  Justin merely sat on the couch,
waiting.
The DVD started as soon as Brian hit play and he saw Rikert sitting alone at a
table in an interrogation room. It looked like a TV show; the room was darkened
except for a bright light shining on Rikert’s face, and it didn’t look
particularly clean.  There was another man in there, but his back was to the
camera.  Justin knew he wouldn’t know who it was anyways so he didn’t care much
if he turned around or not.  Brian walked back to the couch and sat next to
him, close enough that they were touching all along their sides.
“Is your name Kenneth William Rikert?” The officer asked.
Kenneth gave him a flat look and rolled his eyes. “Really Jeff?”  He asked,
apparently familiar with the officer interrogating him.
“Are you Kenneth William Rikert?” Jeff asked again, his voice hardening just a
little and the man sighed.
“Yeah.” He grunted out.
“And you admit, of your own free will, to the murder of James Stockwell?” Jeff
asked, and Justin was a little surprised that he stated it so bluntly.
“No.” Kenneth said so calmly it was almost as if someone asked him if he wanted
sugar in his coffee, rather than if he’d murdered someone.
“We have two eye witnesses that saw you do it.” Jeff responded, but Kenneth
shook his head.
“I did it, yes. But I wasn’t thinking clearly.  I was temporarily insane.”  He
claimed and Justin exclaimed immediately.
“What the fuck?! Temporarily insane my ass!”  He howled at the screen so loudly
that Brian put a hand on his shoulder to calm him down.
“Just watch.” Brian insisted, not having turned away from the screen.
Justin furrowed his brow and glared at the man. “But-.”
“Shut up.” Brian spoke harshly.  Justin stilled a little and realized that
Brian really needed to hear what Kenneth said, so he went silent and watched. 
During his outburst Jeff must have said something, because Kenneth was speaking
again.
“…struck in the head. I was dazed, confused, and worried that Taylor would take
my life.”
“You had kidnapped him, and were planning on killing him. Did you expect him to
just let you?”  Jeff clearly didn’t have any sympathy for Kenneth.
“When I caught up to them, I saw Jim was going to let him go and I just
couldn’t think straight. It was as if I was watching myself do things.  I felt
so angry – I was furious.  I remember the things I did, but it didn’t feel like
me doing them.” 
Justin watched with his frown still pronounced on his face. Kenneth knew full
well what he was doing.  He was trying to cover his tracks, that’s all.
“I shot Jim because I thought that he was betraying us.”
Jeff leaned forward a little at that. “‘Betraying us’?”  He asked and Kenneth
nodded.
“We were going to be together.” He answered, his voice growing soft and
wistful.  “He was going to leave his wife and we would be together. He was
supposed to be mine.”
Justin shook a little as he said that, because he recalled the moment when
Kenneth had howled it at him at the warehouse. He clenched his hands together
and momentarily looked away from the TV, needing to get the man’s face out of
his head.
“You mean that you and Jim had a sexual relationship?” Jeff sounded
legitimately shocked at that and Kenneth nodded.
“Yes. We were in love.”  Kenneth claimed and Justin wondered if maybe the man
wasn’t a little insane after all.
He recalled what Jim had said to him right before he died. He loved his family,
and he didn’t sound as if he had any plans on leaving them for Kenneth.  He
enjoyed gay sex – Justin couldn’t blame him for that because who wouldn't? –
but he didn’t sound like he was in love with Kenneth. Granted, he’d only
exchanged a few words with the man.
“And you killed him because you thought he was going to turn you both in for
the murder of Jason Kemp?” Jeff asked evenly.
“He was going to ruin everything. But I didn’t want to kill him.  It just
happened.  It wasn’t even his fault – it was that kid, Taylor.”  Kenneth’s
voice turned hard and visceral, but Justin didn’t miss that he didn’t answer
the question.  Brian seemed more focused on what he said, and his hand on his
shoulder tightened. Justin felt himself being pulled closer to the man.  He
didn’t resist and leaned against Brian’s side.
“Because he witnessed your murder of Jason.” Jeff urged in order to keep
Kenneth talking.
“It was his fault that everything happened. I wanted him to pay, not Jim.” 
Kenneth was scowling now and Jeff flipped open the folder and pulled out a
piece of paper. He seemed a little disgruntled that Kenneth wouldn’t admit to
the murder, but he clearly wasn’t giving up.
“According to Justin’s statement, you licked him. Why would you do that if you
hated him so much?”  He asked and Justin shivered, still able to feel the
sliminess of the man’s tongue against his skin.
“I wanted him to be afraid. I wanted him to suffer for what he did.”  Kenneth
said causing Justin to turn and hide his face in Brian’s side, no longer able
to look at the man.  He didn’t ask for Brian to turn it off, however, because
he wanted to hear everything Kenneth said.
“So you believe Justin should be responsible for Jim’s death?” Jeff asked and
Kenneth nodded incessantly.
“Yes. He’s the guilty one!”  Kenneth exclaimed almost excitedly, as if Jeff had
validated what he’d said.
“I see.” Jeff seemed bothered by Kenneth’s shouting, but he reached into the
folder and continued without skipping a beat. “Let’s talk about Jason Kemp.” He
suggested again, and leaned back in his chair comfortably.
“What about him?” Kenneth asked with a sneer marring his features.
“So the name does mean something to you.” Jeff sounded pleased that he’d gotten
that much out of him.
“He was a hustler. Not much of anything, really.” Kenneth muttered and Justin
sighed, feeling bad for the kid. Too few people cared about him.
“A hustler that you murdered, correct?” Jeff asked and Kenneth remained silent.
“That is what Justin said, right here in his statement.” He pointed back to it
and even slid it over for Kenneth to read. “He called the police the night it
happened. He saw you through the window of his loft.”
“And where’s the body of this hustler I supposedly killed?” Kenneth asked, his
previous mask of nonchalance turning into arrogance. Justin couldn’t see it,
but he could hear it in his voice.
“That’s what I’d like for you to tell me.” Jeff responded. “You kidnapped
Justin for a reason, didn’t you? Why else would you react so violently to the
e-mail he sent unless you were trying to cover your tracks? The Parsons barely
survived your assault.” Jeff pointed out and Justin felt a small wave of guilt
go through him. He’d practically forgotten about the couple. They had been
beaten because of the e-mail he sent and he hadn’t given them a second thought.
Kenneth remained silent for a few seconds, but his smirk never left his face. 
“There’s no crime if there’s no body.  For all you know, he packed up and left
town.  How can you say I murdered him when you don’t even know if he’s dead?” 
Kenneth asked and Justin suddenly glared, raising his gaze back up to the TV. 
He wished that somehow Kenneth could feel how despicable he thought he was.
“You take me for an idiot, Ken?”  Jeff asked and then sighed.  “Unfortunately,
you’re right.  We can’t charge you for Jason’s murder.  But, we can charge you
with Jim’s.  As well as the assault on the Parsons.  And the kidnapping and
attempted murder of Justin Taylor.  And the attempted murder of Carl Horvath. 
Anything to say about any of that?”  It was Jeff’s turn to smirk.
Kenneth scowled and looked away.  “Well, thank you for your cooperation.”  Jeff
said and picked up the file.  He stood and left the room, and the DVD turned
off.
“That’s it?” Justin asked and Brian nodded, patting his back.  “It wasn’t very
long.”
“Did he get off?” Brian asked and Justin shook his head.
“Carl said that he got the fifty years. Apparently the judge didn’t buy his
insanity claim.”  Justin reported, lifting his head from Brian’s chest.
“Good.” Brian murmured, his voice almost distant.  Justin looked up at his face
to see he was still staring at the screen.  Concerned, he used his left hand to
turn Brian back to look at him.  They looked into each other’s eyes for a long
time before Brian bent and moved as if he was going to kiss him, but he
hesitated before he pressed their lips together.  Justin opened his eyes once
he realized he wasn’t being kissed and saw the hesitation in Brian’s
expression.
His heart skipped a beat because Brian was looking at him the same way he had
the night of prom, right when he kissed him outside the Jeep. It was as if he
was asking him for permission.  Justin tilted his head up and pressed his lips
against Brian’s, giving him his answer.
It wasn’t deep, or passionate, but it was perfect.
Brian didn’t push for more, but Justin didn’t think he would. He never did. 
When they broke apart for air Justin just grabbed Brian’s hand and walked with
him into the bedroom.  They laid there together, and Brian reached out to him,
instead of the other way around.  Justin didn’t know why the interrogation
seemed to get to Brian so much, but it clearly bothered him.
“He won’t be able to hurt me.” Justin whispered, unused to being the one to do
the comforting.  However, he found he liked the feeling; maybe that was why
Brian was so good at it.
Brian let out a puff of a laugh and nodded. “Damn right he won’t.”  They fell
into silence then and Justin was almost asleep when Brian spoke again.  “I want
you to come next time.  It’s not the same without you.”
“I’ll try…” Justin whispered before sleep claimed him.
***** Chapter 21 *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
“Ah! Shit, shit, shit, shit! Fuck!” Justin cursed, standing quickly to hold his
throbbing hand against his chest. Not a second later Brian darted out of the
bedroom, half-dressed for work, and ran to him in the living room.
“Fuuuck…Brian! Help!” Justin exclaimed, trying not to let the tears fall, but
his hand was throbbing so badly he felt it would be better if it was torn off.
 
“I’m here, I’m here.” Brian assured him and grabbed Justin’s hand. He pulled it
away from Justin’s chest to begin forcing it open and relax the muscles. It was
a painful process, and to distract himself Justin looked at Brian’s suit. His
shirt was only half tucked in, and three of the buttons were undone on his
chest, revealing the white tank top he wore underneath. It was always nice
looking at any part of Brian, however, the distraction didn’t last long.
 
When Brian pried his hand open he couldn’t stop from crying out, but he managed
to bite his lip to stop from all-out screaming. It felt like Brian was stabbing
his hand over and over. He didn’t beg for him to stop, knowing that it had to
be done. He just hated it - probably less than Brian hated having to do it to
him - but he still hated it.
 
He turned from Brian’s suit to their hands. Brian held his wrist in one hand to
stop him from trying to pull away. It wasn’t entirely necessary – anymore. He’d
often done it in the past and so he didn’t blame Brian for being precautious.
The other worked at his hand, massaging deeply into the tissue and pulling at
the tendons so they stretched back out.
 
After ten minutes or so the pain began to ebb away. The stabbing turned into a
dull ache which he was used to living with. Brian opened and closed his hand a
few times, testing the mobility, and then seemed satisfied. Justin very slowly
pulled it back away from him, but Brian didn’t let go. He watched in an odd
sense of disconnection as his hand slid from Brian’s and fell back to his side.
Even afterwards, Brian’s hands remained hovering where they were.
 
“Thanks.” Justin said and Brian almost jumped, like he was getting pulled out
of some kind of reverie.
 
Brian flashed him a smile, absently wiped the remnants of Justin’s tears away
from his cheeks, and then started walking back to the bedroom. “That’s enough
for today, Sunshine.” He said as he walked up the steps.
 
On another day, Justin might have argued. He had wasted weeks on his recovery;
he wanted to get better as quickly as he could. But it wasn’t even nine and his
hand had already clenched up. Brian was right; it was enough for today. He
walked back to close up the coloring book and then meandered into the bedroom.
Brian was reaching into the closet for a tie, having corrected his disheveled
shirt.
 
Justin smiled a little because Brian looked stunning, as always. Brian then
bent to put on his shoes and Justin got a good look at his ass. He smiled even
more as he felt that very familiar tingle in his body. He looked down at
himself and smirked a bit; two days in a row – apparently his sex drive was
coming back to life. He should have known that, with Brian around, it was only
a matter of time.
 
Brian straightened back up and adjusted his clothes a final time before
grabbing his suit jacket and slinging it over his arm. “I have a meeting
tonight.” Brian announced as he walked by him again, towards the kitchen.
Justin continued to smile as he turned and followed him. “So I’ll be late.”
 
“It’s fine.” He dismissed easily, knowing now that Brian was a partner there
would be even more late nights than before. He understood that Brian worked for
the both of them, and he wasn’t going to hold it against him. He sauntered over
towards him, though, and wrapped his arms around his neck to pull him in for a
deep kiss. Brian didn’t hesitate to drop his things to hold onto him as well,
returning the kiss with just as much passion Justin had put into it.
 
Justin pressed his body against Brian’s so he was sure he felt his hard-on. In
response, Brian grabbed his hips and pulled them against him, grinding against
him very slowly. Knowing Brian had to get to work, Justin pulled away.  Now
that he had these feelings again he wanted to take advantage of them right
away, but he would have to be satisfied with tonight. “Later.” He said, making
it very clear what he meant.
 
Brian’s eyes were smoky with desire and he could see that he was conflicted,
clearly wanting to stay to pursue Justin’s re-awakened sexual appetite. Brian
nodded carefully and sighed with regret. “Later.” He agreed and let his hands
fall from Justin’s sides. “You bet your ass…” He added with one of his patented
smirks. Justin chuckled a bit and very gently shoved him towards the door.
 
“Go to work. Don’t want to be late, Mr. Kinney.” He winked and then bent to
pick up Brian’s things for him. Brian took them and then walked to the door.
Justin watched him hesitate one last time, and then he finally left.
 
Justin looked at the door for a few moments before sighing contently and going
back to the couch. Out of habit he grabbed the binoculars and looked out the
window. He could look at some of the other apartments, the ones below and above
those he usually watched, but he didn’t feel like it. He set the binoculars
down and instead turned on the TV to watch something, but that didn’t interest
him either.
 
He was itching to do something.
 
He turned and glanced outside, down at the street. He hadn’t ventured out
without Brian with him yet, however, he didn’t feel like staying cooped up in
the loft all day waiting for Brian to come home and fuck his brains out. The
hours would drag with the anticipation.
 
The street wasn’t very busy, so he nodded once in confidence and went to the
bedroom to get changed. It was more difficult than usual as his hand was still
acting up, but he managed to button up a clean pair of jeans and slip on a
shirt. Liberty wasn’t very far away; he could walk there and see Michael’s
store.
 
Realizing the idea excited him, he grabbed his only finished coloring book and
rolled it up. He wanted to show the man what he’d done with his gift. When he
was ready to go he re-set the alarm and then ventured out into the world,
alone.
 
===============================================================================
 
Getting to Liberty took longer than he had hoped as he had to stop every once
in a while when the sidewalk got too packed. He’d skirt off to the side and
allow everyone else to pass, watching them all carefully. He had come a long
way with his phobias, but the anxiety was still there in the back of his head.
 
Every step he took he echoed the same litany in his head. ‘Just think of the
destination. One step is one foot closer to a safe place.’ When it became too
much and he couldn’t keep walking he would count down from a hundred. It was a
technique that Alex had taught him to help him focus on something other than
his fear. Usually he only had to get to sixty or fifty before he was able to
keep moving again.
 
Eventually, the store came into view. When he got there he tugged the door open
but immediately came to a stop because Michael was passionately kissing
someone.
 
They broke apart when they heard the jingle over the door and turned to him,
both of their cheeks red.
 
“Justin!” Michael exclaimed happily. “Hey.” He greeted, clearly a little
embarrassed. The other man stepped back as well and looked at him.
 
Justin smiled at them both. “You must be Ben.” He said and gave a wave.
 
“Yes. Nice to meet you. I’ve heard a lot about you.” Ben said and Justin knew
he was telling the truth because he didn’t even try to shake his
hand. Immediately Justin decided that he liked him.
 
“Yeah, I’ve heard a lot about you too.” He said and then finished coming into
the store. “Sorry for interrupting. I just wanted to stop by and show you
this.” He held up the coloring book to show what he was talking about.
 
 “I can go.” Ben said as he moved to step around Justin, giving him a wide
berth, and leave the store.
 
“No, you don’t have to. It’s okay.” Justin tried to insist, not wanting to make
him leave.
 
“No it’s fine. I was just about to leave anyways. I have a class.” He said,
gave them both a wave, and then left.
 
Justin turned back in to see Michael watching Ben dreamily and snapped to pull
him out of it. Michael jumped a little.
 
“Oh, sorry. Have you seen his ass, though? God it’s magnificent.” He leaned
over to the side to watch Ben walk by the window and then moved back to his
desk.
 
“I haven’t, actually.” Justin said. In fact, he hadn’t even thought to look.
Though Ben clearly had a nice body, he wasn’t interested at all. “Here. I
wanted to show you this.” He said and set the coloring book on the counter.
 
Michael smiled, excited, and started flipping through it. “Brian said that you
really like them.” He commented and Justin nodded.
 
“Yeah. It’s great. I’d never read any comics before so I wasn’t familiar with
the art form, but I really enjoy it.” He answered sincerely. He didn’t think
he’d ever be able to make Michael understand just how much the gift meant to
him, but he could try.  The coloring book seemed like a small gesture, but it
reminded him of his passion for art, and that he didn’t have to give it up just
because of what happened.
 
“Never? Yet your color choices are perfectly in line with comics. Bold, and
bright.” Michael sounded pleased and Justin chuckled a bit.
 
“You sound like a critic.” He teased as he leaned forward on the counter to
watch Michael flip through the book.
 
“No, sorry. I mean…you’re the art expert here. It’s just I feel like I’m
looking at a real comic, Justin. Not just pictures.” He said and slid the book
back to him. “I kind of forgot how good you are at this stuff.”  Michael added
carefully, and Justin could see him eye him as if to judge if he shouldn't have
said it or not.
 
Justin blushed slightly and nodded his thanks. It was good to hear that his
dreams of being an artist weren’t completely dashed. Even if the only person
telling him that was Michael, he’d take it.
 
“You know…That actually gives me an idea.” Michael added slowly and Justin
flipped through some of the pictures on his own as he nodded, motioning for him
to continue. “I’ve wanted to make my own comic for a long time now. But I can’t
draw for shit. You can.” He suggested and Justin stilled and looked up slowly.
 
“Michael, coloring some pictures is a lot different than illustrating a book.”
He pointed out, unsure of how to take the suggestion.
 
“No, I know. But without even seeing a comic you have the coloring down. I
could loan you some books and you can get a feel for the form. I bet it would
take you no time at all.” Michael spoke louder, clearly getting more and more
excited about the idea. “You said yourself drawing is ninety percent muscle
memory. And I’ve read so many that I go do the story-line easily.”
 
Justin looked back down at the book and shrugged a bit. “I wouldn’t mind.” He
said quietly, but in his head he knew he wouldn’t be able to do it. Not yet.
His hand wasn’t strong enough. He thought about the episode he had that morning
and knew that he wouldn’t be able to put up with the strain.
 
As if reading his mind, Michael cleared his throat. “But it can be later. Just
think about it, okay? And when your hand is better maybe we can talk about what
it would take and brainstorm some ideas.” He suggested and Justin smiled a bit.
Michael really did have a big heart.
 
He then nodded. “Yeah, okay.” He said slowly. Silence fell between them then,
but it wasn’t uncomfortable. As he collected his book Justin looked up at him
again. “I like Ben. He seems nice.” He said and Michael smiled broadly.
 
“You barely even met him.” He pointed out, and Justin shrugged.
 
“He just…feels nice.” He said, wishing he could explain it better. Ever since
he started venturing out again he could feel different vibes from people. Some
he avoided, some he didn’t mind, and there were some like Ben’s that made him
feel safe.
 
“Well I’m glad. He’s great…” Michael’s voice sounded wistful and Justin just
laughed.
 
“You’re pathetic.” He teased and Michael nodded.
 
“So? I don’t care. Have you seen him? God he’s so dreamy…” Michael leaned back
on his chair and sighed contently.
 
“I’ll leave you to your dreams then. I have to head home.” He said and gave
Michael a wave.
 
“Do you want me to go with you?” Michael asked and immediately began moving to
follow through, but Justin shook his head.
 
“No. I think I’ll be okay.” He was honest, so Michael nodded and waved.
 
“See ya, Boy Wonder.”
 
“See ya.”
 
===============================================================================
 
Getting home went by a lot faster than getting out. He thought he was more
motivated, is all. Not that he regretted leaving, but it was easier for him to
hurry home knowing he’d be safe inside, rather than outside where anything
could happen. He hoped in time all of these fears he had would disappear, but
he knew that even if that did happen it was a long way off.  They might always
be there in the back of his mind, but at least now he could overcome them and
live his life again.
 
By the time he slid the loft door shut he was practically panting and sweating,
but he was finally home and safe. He locked it up and set the alarm. However,
before he even got to the bathroom to wash the sweat from him he could hear
someone unlocking it from the other side. Confused, he paused and turned around
to see who came in.
To his relief, and surprise, Brian walked in. “You’re back early.” He
commented, and Brian smiled at him.
 
“I couldn’t concentrate. I cancelled my meetings for the rest of the day.” He
informed as he rushed inside and approached him. Justin felt his warm hand on
his cheek. He flushed under the strong sense of desire he felt from Brian. The
same desire was echoed inside of him so he wrapped his arms around Brian’s
neck, pulled him into the bedroom and down onto the bed on top of him.
 
“Touch me, Brian. Please…” He whispered into the man’s hear and felt a shudder
pulse through Brian’s body.
 
Brian straddled over him and put his hands beneath Justin’s shirt. He ran
them up and lifted Justin’s shirt off of him, running his tongue up his sternum
as he revealed his pale and pristine skin. Justin closed his eyes, shivering at
the familiar touch. He lifted his arms up over his head as the shirt was lifted
away from him and then tossed aside and forgotten.
 
His right nipple was caught in Brian’s mouth and gently bit. A gasp escaped him
and he arched his back up, pressing up against Brian as he did so. His hands
slid up Brian’s back and buried themselves in his hair. He felt Brian’s tongue
flick out against him and bit his bottom lip, but was unable to stifle
another gasp that escaped him.
 
Brian began kissing up his chest, then his neck, then he caught his lips in a
passionate kiss that absolutely cleared all conscious thought from his mind.
All he knew was he needed to feel Brian’s skin against his own. So he
unbuttoned Brian’s shirt as quickly as he could. Brian helped, shrugging out of
it without breaking their kiss. But his tank top was still on and Justin
wouldn’t be satisfied until it was done away with. He grabbed the bottom of it
and pulled it up over Brian’s head, almost feeling a bit of pain as they had to
break away from a split second to get it off.
 
When their lips met again Brian nipped at his bottom lip and Justin opened his
mouth, willingly welcoming Brian’s tongue into it. They danced almost, in a
familiar way. The kiss was hungry and desperate and nothing like the ones
they’ve shared since the night he was attacked.
 
Brian was keeping himself up with one of his hands, but the other was on
Justin’s neck with his thumb stroking his cheek as if he were a precious
treasure. Justin wrapped his legs up and hooked them behind Brian’s so their
hips were flush against each other. He could feel Brian’s cock pressed hard
against him and even through their jeans he could feel the heat radiating off
of it.
 
Brian broke their kiss off again and Justin found himself gasping for air, not
realizing that he hadn’t taken a breath in over a minute. He opened his eyes
back up and saw Brian panting just as hard as he was. But there was a soft
smile on Brian’s lips.
 
“You’re so beautiful…” Justin whispered through his heavy breathing as he
reached a hand up and touched the arch of Brian’s cheek with his fingertips.
Brian’s smile turned a bit more tender and he shook his head before bending and
kissing Justin again.
 
Justin’s hand trailed down Brian’s face and then his chest. He reached around
him to feel the strength of Brian’s muscles. They were tensed as he was still
hovering over him, and he could feel the wiry strength that had always been a
part of Brian’s appeal. His fingers dipped into the line along the center of
his back and then he gripped onto him tightly and thrust his hips up against
him again.
 
Without a warning Brian broke apart again and dipped down towards his belly
button. He spread Justin’s legs apart so he could settle beneath them. He very
carefully unbuttoned his pants and tugged them down, pulling his underwear off
with them. Justin felt a brief chill, but it was quickly forgotten when Brian
descended and took him into his mouth.
 
“Oh god! Brian!” He exclaimed as he lifted up off the bed as pleasure literally
flooded over him. It had been so long since he’d been touched this way and he
shook as Brian’s warm and wet mouth took his full length in. His hands searched
for purchase on the bed and he clenched the sheets as tightly as he could to
stave off his climax for as long as he could.
 
Unable to control himself, his hips bobbed up and down with the movement of
Brian’s head. His body undulated up and down as he felt the pleasure overwhelm
him. Brian’s mouth was encasing him, and worked his shaft with the practiced
perfection only Brian Kinney had.
 
All too soon he could feel his climax coming. He tried to voice his protest, he
tried to warn Brian and tell him to stop because he didn’t want it to be over
so quickly, but he couldn’t get his mouth to work. He’d lost control of his
body and was subject to Brian’s will. A hand was on his hip, holding him down a
bit. The other was on his balls, cupping them and rolling them in just the
right way.
 
Then, the top of Brian’s tongue ran from the base of his shaft up to the tip
and he lost it. He shut his eyes tightly, and cried out as his climax tore from
him. Brian had swallowed him again and he shot into his throat.
 
When it was over he panted a bit and shook his head in despair. “I’m sorry! I’m
sorry.” He exclaimed and turned away from Brian.
 
“Shhh…Hey. Don’t. You needed that.” Brian assured with an amused tone in his
voice. Justin could feel his fingers at his chin and he turned his head to gaze
up at him. “Now you’ll last longer for the main event.” He added with a smirk.
Then, suddenly, Brian’s face turned serious. “That is if you still want to…”
 
“Of course I do.” Justin was quick to assure and reached up to run his fingers
through Brian’s hair once more. “I missed you touching me…I missed touching
you.” He added with a small smile.
 
“Good.” Was all Brian said before kissing him again. Justin could taste himself
in Brian’s mouth and already he could feel the stirrings of desire burn in him
again. He widened his legs, wanting to feel all of Brian pressed against him.
 
“Brian…” Justin murmured dreamily when he needed to break away for air. “Let me
touch you.” He urged and pushed Brian back and over to lie on his back. Brian
let him, looking rather pleased about it as well.
 
Before moving over him, Justin turned onto his side and ran his fingertips down
Brian’s ribs, feeling the bumps, and then down to his abdomen. It felt as if he
was discovering Brian’s body for the first time. He stared down at the bronzed
skin that was smooth and hard to his touch all at the same time.
 
His hand roamed further down, avoiding Brian’s large, red cock, and moving
instead to graze the inside of his thigh. As he did Brian gasped and shuddered.
He glanced up to see Brian’s eyes wistfully closed but his lips were rolled
into his mouth. Justin felt his heart swell up suddenly and he smiled.
 
“I love you, Brian.”
 
Brian gasped again and his body jerked. His eyes shot open and looked at him.
His mouth opened and closed a few times. “Justin…” He finally managed to get
out causing Justin to smile and shake his head, taking pity on him.
 
“It’s okay.” He said, scooting back to reach for a condom on the nightstand.
“You don’t have to say it back.” He whispered as he slowly moved back. He
opened up the wrapper and locked his gaze with Brian’s. “How about this?” He
offered as his straddled over Brian. Brian’s hands came up to his hips, almost
as if it was natural. “I’m just going to assume that you love me too until you
tell me otherwise. That way you’ll never have to say it, but I’ll still know.
Sound fair?” He asked as he rolled the condom onto Brian’s cock.
 
There was a ghost of a smile on Brian’s face. “Sounds fair.” He agreed and
Justin beamed. “Oh fuck…” Brian suddenly whispered and Justin blinked a little.
 
“What is it?” He asked curiously.
 
“Your smile. I never thought I’d see it again.” Brian admitted and reached one
of his hands up to trace Justin’s lips. “Haven’t seen it since…” He trailed
off, but shook his head and shifted a little. His movement pressed the tip of
his cock against Justin’s hole and he shivered in anticipation, but didn’t move
yet.
 
Justin leaned forward quickly and kissed him again to remind him that he was
here, and alive. As they kissed Brian reached a hand down and began preparing
him. The other wound behind Justin’s neck and held him close.
 
Suddenly, Justin found himself on his back and Brian was once again hovering
over him. “Are you ready?” Brian asked, his voice husky with need.
 
Justin nodded swiftly, his body moving with Brian’s fingers as they went in and
out of him. “Yes, please…” He begged, biting the inside of his lip to stifle a
moan.
 
Suddenly Brian’s fingers were gone and replaced with his cock and he slowly
pressed it inside of him. Justin gasped and shut his eyes tightly, surprised by
how big it felt. As if he was reading his mind Brian leaned down and pressed
their foreheads together. It felt so familiar and comforting that Justin forgot
all about the pain and only thought about Brian – just Brian.
 
One of Brian’s hands found his and their fingers laced together as Brian pushed
in a bit more. Justin arched his back, welcoming Brian in with a moan. Slowly
and carefully Brian continued the process, pulling back just a little, and then
pushing in even deeper. And then, Justin could feel all of him inside.
 
“Oh fuck, Justin…You feel so good.” Brian murmured and Justin could feel his
warm breath on his skin.
 
Brian began moving his hips again and Justin moved his body in time with his.
They rocked slowly together, each savoring the feeling of their bodies once
again being in sync. “Brian, please don’t stop, please. God, please.” Justin
murmured somewhat incoherently. His eyes were shut tightly.
 
Brian began moving faster, and moved his knees underneath him so he could get a
better angle. Justin cried out as that angle pressed Brian’s cock right on that
spot. “Oh fuck!” He moaned and his head pressed back against the mattress as
Brian kept hitting it right on.
 
Justin could tell when Brian was getting close, as his thrusts became more
erratic and forceful. That, and the low grunts Brian let loose with every
thrust let him know that he was about to climax. Justin could feel his own
growing inside of him as well. Brian didn’t even have to touch his cock and he
was close. He wrapped an arm around Brian’s neck and held on tightly as his
body rocked with Brian’s.
 
His breaths came out in hard puffs and he felt heat begin to spread over his
entire body. Then, his second climax ripped through him and his body clenched
up. All he was able to do was hold onto Brian and trust that Brian would do the
rest. He could feel a few more thrusts before a warmth filled him inside and he
knew Brian had come as well.
 
“Justin…”
 
He couldn’t answer. He couldn’t think. Brian had actually fucked his brains
out.
 
“Justin.”
 
He sounded a bit more insistent this time but still Justin couldn’t mutter an
answer.
 
“Hey! Are you okay?”
 
‘Oh shit. He’s actually worried.’ Justin thought and managed to open his eyes
to see Brian hovering over him. He didn’t remember falling back onto the bed
and realized he might have actually passed out. “I’m okay.” He assured and
chuckled a bit. “Of course I’m okay. That was…amazing.”
 
Brian smirked a little and rolled his eyes. “Well obviously.”
 
“Yeah, obviously.” Justin teased, shifting on the bed and finding a pillow to
rest his head on. Brian moved as well, reaching over to grab a cigarette and
lighter. He laid back and looked up at the ceiling. Justin took it as Brian
passed it over to him and took a long drag from it before handing it back.
 
They laid there in silence for a few minutes and Justin's mind wandered.  He
wondered what was going to happen to him in the future. Clearly he wasn’t going
to kill himself, and there was no institute looming over his head, but he
didn’t really know what that meant for him. He turned his head to watch Brian
make smoke rings; they floated up towards the ceiling and were mesmerizing.
 
“What happens now?” He asked suddenly, needing to have some kind of direction
in his life.
 
“Well, in about five minutes I was going to fuck you again.” Brian said and
even looking at him from the side Justin could see the slight upturn of Brian’s
lips.
 
Justin rolled his eyes affectionately, but then shook his head. “No I
mean…Later. Tomorrow. The next day. What happens?”
 
“Whatever you want.” Brian answered as if it was the most obvious thing in the
world. And Justin wondered if maybe he was making it more complicated than it
needed to be. But for months he had been certain that he had no future; now
that he did, he wanted to make the most of it.
 
“I want to go to school.” He declared and Brian shrugged.
 
“I’ll call PIFA. I’m sure for the right amount we can get you back in.” Brian
assured, handing him back the cigarette, but Justin rejected it with a shake of
his head.
 
“Not PIFA. Somewhere else.” He informed and Brian stilled and very slowly
turned to look at him.
 
“Not PIFA? A year ago you wouldn’t fucking shut up about the place, and now you
don’t want to go? I can get a spot open for you, Justin. If this is about you
not thinking your hand can handle it-.”
 
“No, it’s not that.” Justin sat up and looked down at Brian, taking a moment to
choose his words carefully. “They kicked me out. When I was at my lowest they
just dropped me without warning. They didn’t even give me a chance to get
better. They didn’t care. I don’t want to go to a school run by people like
that. It’s not like I’m saying I want to quit art, of course I don’t want that.
But before – last year – I was certain that the only way to be an artist was to
go there. But that’s not true.” Justin said, reaching over to the drawer in the
nightstand to pull out the comic coloring book.
 
“This is art too. And I really like it. Michael said we could make our own
comic book. That would be a lot of fun. We could sell it at his store. We could
do whatever we wanted.” He said and watched Brian sit up as well. Brian reached
out for the book and flipped through the pages as if he was appraising the
quality.
 
“So you want to make a comic book?” He asked and Justin shrugged.
 
“Yeah. Maybe. Once my hand is stronger. I told Michael that I needed some time.
It will be a lot harder than coloring pictures.” He said as if Brian wasn’t
intimately aware of what condition his hand was in.
 
“Yeah, but you can do it. What about school?” He asked and Justin shrugged a
little.
 
“Maybe I could go to Melon or something. They have an art department there. And
I could take other classes too. Business classes or something, if the comic
book goes anywhere then I’d need to have some idea of what to do.” Justin was
painfully aware of the irony of what he was saying, but he watched Brian’s face
carefully and the man didn’t give anything away. Justin waited, knowing that
Brian was considering all the pros and cons.
 
“That’s not a bad idea, Sunshine.” Brian spoke after what felt like an
eternity. “Michael’s professor boyfriend works there too. We could talk to him
about admittance.” He added and Justin smiled a little. “What about your…people
problem?” Brian asked carefully and Justin shrugged.
 
“I’m getting better. I went outside without you there and I didn’t have a panic
attack.” Justin purposefully left out the parts where he had to stop for
minutes at a time and ducked out of the flow of traffic to preserve his sanity.
“It’s not like I can start tomorrow anyways. It’ll take time to get in.  By the
time I actually start classes I should be good as new.”
 
Brian glanced up from the book then and caught his eye. Justin still wasn’t
sure what he was thinking, but he was certain he saw some pride in there.
“Sounds like you got it all figured out.” He commented and Justin shrugged once
more.
 
“We’ll see. I might change my mind.” He admitted and Brian just chuckled a bit.
 
“Worry about all that later and come take care of this problem I’m having.” He
insisted and tugged Justin closer. Justin could feel Brian’s cock, hard and
ready again. He pressed a kiss to the side of his mouth and then moved down to
his shaft. Brian was right – the future could wait.  Right now, they were
together and that was all he needed.
Chapter End Notes
     Well this is it folks. The last chapter. I want to thank you all for
     being so supportive in this story and I hope you enjoyed it!
Please drop_by_the_archive_and_comment to let the author know if you enjoyed
their work!
